cheering and clapping. “Cartwheels . . . doing the splits.”
Papi gave me the Spanish word. “
Gimnasia
. How much will it cost?”
“If you fill out the paper, it will be free.”
Click
went the pen.
Click
.
I wiped my wet hands on my shorts.
“Where did you get this paper?” he asked.
“Miss got it at the
recreation center
.” I said
recreation center
in English, because I didn’t have the words to explain in Spanish. “Where the swimming pool is.” Papi clicked the pen in and out.
I should’ve waited for Mamá to call. Mamá would’ve told Papi it’s good to learn new things
.
But I realized my mistake too late.
Papi said, “This paper’s from the city. They’re asking how much money we have, where we live, how many people are in our family. It’s not good to tell the government too much. That’s the way to get a long bus ride. Then you have to swim back across the river.”
I smiled. “You always say that.”
“Because it’s always true. Never forget that,
mija
.”
He rubbed my cheek with the back of his fingers as he said “my daughter.” Then his eyes got big.
“What have you told
Miss
about our family?” He spoke Spanish except when he said
Miss
.
“Nothing, Papi.”
He stared at me hard.
“I don’t tell family things,” I repeated.
The pen clicked again. And again.
“I need to think about this.” He stood and picked up the paper.
I leaped from my chair. It fell backward. Papi had turned away, but when my chair slammed onto the floor, he spun around to face me.
“Mamá would let me take gymnastics!” I threw at him.
His eyes pierced me. I took a step back.
Then his face softened. “Jacinta, your
mamá
isn’t here.”
He left the gymnastics paper in the stack by the phone and walked out. The picture in my mind of doing gymnastics disappeared.
Like the smoke from
mi abuelo
’s last cigar.
IT WAS COLD in the fitting room. I felt like I was naked. I practically was.
“I don’t like this one, Miss.”
“You said you wanted a one-piece swimsuit?”
“Not this one. Look.” I turned around and motioned with my hand.
“Your back?”
“Yesssss.”
Miss sighed. “What don’t you like?”
“I’m sunburned.”
In the mirror her smirk crept across the opposite side of her face. “Dark skin doesn’t mean you’re burned.”
She was smiling again because I didn’t know things. I threw my words at her. “People will think I’m black!”
“First, there’s nothing wrong with being black. People come in all colors. Second, your skin is perfect.”
Miss was smart, but some things she couldn’t understand. She didn’t know that her creamy skin opened doors — doors that would slam in my face. I chose a two-piece suit that came with a swim shirt to go over it, so people wouldn’t see my back.
We stood in line to buy it.
“Jacinta, keep this to yourself. About the swimsuit. Don’t lie. Just — don’t mention it. Promise?”
“I can’t tell Mamá when she calls?”
Miss blushed. “I wouldn’t ask you to keep a secret from your parents. I’d just rather this didn’t get back to Liz Espinosa. But if you’re coming to the rec center with us, you need a swimsuit. So please don’t brag to your friends.”
I coiled my hair around a finger. “Okay, Miss.”
But it was too late.
Angélica had called that morning, inviting me to join her and Miss Linda, going to the movies. I’d told Angélica I’d be shopping for a new swimsuit with my
own
Amiga. The famous one. Kathryn Dawson Dahl.
Sorry
.
But I wasn’t sorry. I’d used all three of Miss’s names. As a weapon. I’d wanted to hurt Angélica, like she’d hurt me all those times, telling me about
her
wonderful Amiga. I didn’t mention that Miss had agreed to be my Amiga only until her lawyer could force 5News to give her back her old job — reading the news on the anchor desk. Then Miss would be working nights, so she wouldn’t be able to take me places after school.
I stood
Papi gave me the Spanish word. “
Gimnasia
. How much will it cost?”
“If you fill out the paper, it will be free.”
Click
went the pen.
Click
.
I wiped my wet hands on my shorts.
“Where did you get this paper?” he asked.
“Miss got it at the
recreation center
.” I said
recreation center
in English, because I didn’t have the words to explain in Spanish. “Where the swimming pool is.” Papi clicked the pen in and out.
I should’ve waited for Mamá to call. Mamá would’ve told Papi it’s good to learn new things
.
But I realized my mistake too late.
Papi said, “This paper’s from the city. They’re asking how much money we have, where we live, how many people are in our family. It’s not good to tell the government too much. That’s the way to get a long bus ride. Then you have to swim back across the river.”
I smiled. “You always say that.”
“Because it’s always true. Never forget that,
mija
.”
He rubbed my cheek with the back of his fingers as he said “my daughter.” Then his eyes got big.
“What have you told
Miss
about our family?” He spoke Spanish except when he said
Miss
.
“Nothing, Papi.”
He stared at me hard.
“I don’t tell family things,” I repeated.
The pen clicked again. And again.
“I need to think about this.” He stood and picked up the paper.
I leaped from my chair. It fell backward. Papi had turned away, but when my chair slammed onto the floor, he spun around to face me.
“Mamá would let me take gymnastics!” I threw at him.
His eyes pierced me. I took a step back.
Then his face softened. “Jacinta, your
mamá
isn’t here.”
He left the gymnastics paper in the stack by the phone and walked out. The picture in my mind of doing gymnastics disappeared.
Like the smoke from
mi abuelo
’s last cigar.
IT WAS COLD in the fitting room. I felt like I was naked. I practically was.
“I don’t like this one, Miss.”
“You said you wanted a one-piece swimsuit?”
“Not this one. Look.” I turned around and motioned with my hand.
“Your back?”
“Yesssss.”
Miss sighed. “What don’t you like?”
“I’m sunburned.”
In the mirror her smirk crept across the opposite side of her face. “Dark skin doesn’t mean you’re burned.”
She was smiling again because I didn’t know things. I threw my words at her. “People will think I’m black!”
“First, there’s nothing wrong with being black. People come in all colors. Second, your skin is perfect.”
Miss was smart, but some things she couldn’t understand. She didn’t know that her creamy skin opened doors — doors that would slam in my face. I chose a two-piece suit that came with a swim shirt to go over it, so people wouldn’t see my back.
We stood in line to buy it.
“Jacinta, keep this to yourself. About the swimsuit. Don’t lie. Just — don’t mention it. Promise?”
“I can’t tell Mamá when she calls?”
Miss blushed. “I wouldn’t ask you to keep a secret from your parents. I’d just rather this didn’t get back to Liz Espinosa. But if you’re coming to the rec center with us, you need a swimsuit. So please don’t brag to your friends.”
I coiled my hair around a finger. “Okay, Miss.”
But it was too late.
Angélica had called that morning, inviting me to join her and Miss Linda, going to the movies. I’d told Angélica I’d be shopping for a new swimsuit with my
own
Amiga. The famous one. Kathryn Dawson Dahl.
Sorry
.
But I wasn’t sorry. I’d used all three of Miss’s names. As a weapon. I’d wanted to hurt Angélica, like she’d hurt me all those times, telling me about
her
wonderful Amiga. I didn’t mention that Miss had agreed to be my Amiga only until her lawyer could force 5News to give her back her old job — reading the news on the anchor desk. Then Miss would be working nights, so she wouldn’t be able to take me places after school.
I stood
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