she turned to face Emily. Taking a deep breath, she said, "Emily, I have to know that you're not going to do anything to hurt yourself."
Emily burned a deep red, and, looking down at her hands, she murmured, "That night… I can't deny I thought about it, but I could never have done that to you."
"That only tells me you wouldn't have done it in my apartment. I need to know you won't do it at all."
Emily met Ann's eyes. "I promise you, that won't happen. I can't tell you how ashamed I am…"
"You don't have to be ashamed of hurting, Emily. Just don't bottle it up until it threatens to kill you." She reached out and laid a hand on Emily's knee. "Promise me you'll talk to someone – me or a counselor or whoever."
"I promise." Emily smiled. Reaching for the door handle, she said, "See you later."
As she drove to the Gundlach house, Emily saw Ann's note flapping on the windshield. She removed it when she parked and tucked it into her pocket.
"Emily!" said Mrs. Gundlach as she came in. "Did you have a nice weekend, my dear?" Her voice was cheerful and casual, but her eyes were anxious, searching.
"It was a good weekend," Emily tried to convey to Mrs. Gundlach that she was okay. It had been a good weekend, good for her soul despite the pain that had surfaced.
She had a quiet dinner with the Gundlachs, telling them about the towns and shops they had visited. She said goodnight early, and went up to bed. She felt fairly sure the disturbing dreams of the past four years would be less frequent now.
Chapter 12
W hen Emily got to the office Monday morning, she apologized to the other grad students. She knew that Ann had gone to them, and that they must have been worried. She told them that she had unexpectedly become ill, which she figured was close to the truth. She also apologized to her French class that afternoon. They seemed fine with her explanation and were more interested in Wednesday's exam.
Ann noticed during their brief meetings at the change of classes that Emily's eyes looked brighter, though her face was still thin. She seemed to be having fun teaching, something that had been missing for the last few weeks. Emily settled into a more normal study schedule. She and Ann met at the library a few times and studied together.
Friday afternoon when she got back to the Gundlach house, Mrs. Gundlach told her that Ann had dropped by with a package, which she had left up in Emily's room. When Emily got upstairs, she scanned the room but didn't see anything. Not until she stepped into the room and looked back at her bed did she see it. Caroline's painting was propped against the headboard.
Emily's breath caught in her throat, and she couldn't move for a moment. Slowly, she went to the bed, and took the framed canvas in her hands. She could see Caroline at her easel that day on Skyline Drive. She could see the brush strokes, which were uniquely hers. Her hands were trembling as her finger traced the small CBLAKE in the lower right corner of the canvas.
She sat there for a long time, and finally propped the painting on her desk. She went down to tell Mrs. Gundlach she'd be out for a while, and then drove to Ann's apartment. When Ann opened the door, Emily stepped in and hugged her. Surprised at the spontaneity of Emily's gesture, Ann wrapped her arms around Emily and held her tightly. Emily whispered, "You leave me speechless."
"You don't have to say anything," Ann said softly. "I just wanted you to have it." She let Emily go and invited her in.
As Emily came into the living room, she saw an open suitcase on the bed in the room beyond. "I'm sorry. You were packing to go somewhere," she apologized.
"Don't be silly," Ann said. "I was talking to my parents last night and decided to go home this weekend."
"Good for you," Emily said, although it suddenly felt a little empty knowing that Ann wouldn't be in town.
"Why don't you come
Emily burned a deep red, and, looking down at her hands, she murmured, "That night… I can't deny I thought about it, but I could never have done that to you."
"That only tells me you wouldn't have done it in my apartment. I need to know you won't do it at all."
Emily met Ann's eyes. "I promise you, that won't happen. I can't tell you how ashamed I am…"
"You don't have to be ashamed of hurting, Emily. Just don't bottle it up until it threatens to kill you." She reached out and laid a hand on Emily's knee. "Promise me you'll talk to someone – me or a counselor or whoever."
"I promise." Emily smiled. Reaching for the door handle, she said, "See you later."
As she drove to the Gundlach house, Emily saw Ann's note flapping on the windshield. She removed it when she parked and tucked it into her pocket.
"Emily!" said Mrs. Gundlach as she came in. "Did you have a nice weekend, my dear?" Her voice was cheerful and casual, but her eyes were anxious, searching.
"It was a good weekend," Emily tried to convey to Mrs. Gundlach that she was okay. It had been a good weekend, good for her soul despite the pain that had surfaced.
She had a quiet dinner with the Gundlachs, telling them about the towns and shops they had visited. She said goodnight early, and went up to bed. She felt fairly sure the disturbing dreams of the past four years would be less frequent now.
Chapter 12
W hen Emily got to the office Monday morning, she apologized to the other grad students. She knew that Ann had gone to them, and that they must have been worried. She told them that she had unexpectedly become ill, which she figured was close to the truth. She also apologized to her French class that afternoon. They seemed fine with her explanation and were more interested in Wednesday's exam.
Ann noticed during their brief meetings at the change of classes that Emily's eyes looked brighter, though her face was still thin. She seemed to be having fun teaching, something that had been missing for the last few weeks. Emily settled into a more normal study schedule. She and Ann met at the library a few times and studied together.
Friday afternoon when she got back to the Gundlach house, Mrs. Gundlach told her that Ann had dropped by with a package, which she had left up in Emily's room. When Emily got upstairs, she scanned the room but didn't see anything. Not until she stepped into the room and looked back at her bed did she see it. Caroline's painting was propped against the headboard.
Emily's breath caught in her throat, and she couldn't move for a moment. Slowly, she went to the bed, and took the framed canvas in her hands. She could see Caroline at her easel that day on Skyline Drive. She could see the brush strokes, which were uniquely hers. Her hands were trembling as her finger traced the small CBLAKE in the lower right corner of the canvas.
She sat there for a long time, and finally propped the painting on her desk. She went down to tell Mrs. Gundlach she'd be out for a while, and then drove to Ann's apartment. When Ann opened the door, Emily stepped in and hugged her. Surprised at the spontaneity of Emily's gesture, Ann wrapped her arms around Emily and held her tightly. Emily whispered, "You leave me speechless."
"You don't have to say anything," Ann said softly. "I just wanted you to have it." She let Emily go and invited her in.
As Emily came into the living room, she saw an open suitcase on the bed in the room beyond. "I'm sorry. You were packing to go somewhere," she apologized.
"Don't be silly," Ann said. "I was talking to my parents last night and decided to go home this weekend."
"Good for you," Emily said, although it suddenly felt a little empty knowing that Ann wouldn't be in town.
"Why don't you come
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