Lost Along the Way by Erin Duffy

She didn’t like the thought of ditching her marriage when things got hard—she wasn’t a quitter. Her father had quit her mother, and by default, her, when things got hard in her parents’ marriage, and she’d sworn she’d never be like him. She wasn’t a coward like he was. She’d figure out a way to make it work or die trying. There simply was no other option.
    Still, she hated that she’d allowed it to go this far. Jane had seen it from the very beginning. Why didn’t I? Why didn ’t anyone else? Why didn’t I listen to her?, she asked herself when she lay in bed awake at night, but she hated the answer. Because she’d assumed Jane was pissed she was still single when Cara was on her way to being married. She’d thought everything Jane did back then stemmed from her being jealous, but now things looked different—how Reed had really treated her, what Jane had really seen, and how she’d responded to both of them in return. She spent a lot of time lately thinking back to the first time that the crack in Reed’s perfect image showed, the first time his inner control freak surfaced and silenced her, the first time she lashed out at Jane for voicing her concerns. Ironically, it was at their engagement party.

six
    November 2000
    â€œWhere is she?” Cara asked Meg as she looked at her watch and wondered for the millionth time why Jane was late. Reed’s uncle had been nice enough to throw them an intimate party at his apartment, and instead of enjoying the night with her family and friends, Cara was completely distracted. “The party started at seven o’clock and it’s almost nine. What, is my engagement party not important enough for her to show up?”
    â€œShe’ll be here! I’m sure she’s stuck in traffic or something,” Meg said, trying to calm her. “Don’t get upset. It’s your engagement party. Go mingle and I will make sure she comes right over when she gets here, I promise.”
    Just then, the door opened and Jane slid inside. “See, I told you she’d be here,” Meg said as she waved her over.
    â€œI’m so sorry I’m late. I had an audition that ran later than I thought it would and I couldn’t find anything to wear and then I completely misjudged how long it would take me to get all the way up here. You look amazing, Cara!” Jane said as she leaned in to wrap her in a hug. Cara immediately felt herself tense because she could smell the booze on Jane’s breath. Was she really running late because of an audition? Or was she late because she’d rather stop off at a bar with some of her random roommates than celebrate Cara’s engagement with her?
    â€œWere they serving wine at the audition?” Cara asked. She knew she shouldn’t be picking a fight with Jane, but she’d reached her breaking point. Jane’s complete lack of interest in the biggest event of Cara’s life wasn’t something she felt like ignoring anymore. This was as good a time as any to have it out with her.
    â€œHuh?” Jane said. “Why would you ask that? I had a glass or two while I was getting dressed. So what?”
    â€œThe ‘so what’ is that you’re two hours late and you had to have wine to come up here?” Cara asked. If she sounded disapproving and judgmental, it was because she meant to. She didn’t think Jane deserved to be let off the hook for her behavior anymore.
    â€œCara, don’t start an argument. She’s here; that’s all that matters!” Meg said. She looked around to make sure no one could overhear their conversation. “It’s your engagement party. Now’s not the time to do this!”
    â€œNo, Meg. I think now is the perfect time to do this. I’d like an honest answer, Jane. Did you really need to get liquored up to come support your best friend?”
    â€œYes,” Jane said without