to be a stay-at-home mom. We wanted to have two kids back to back, and we’d just started trying for the second when Clark died. So everything that I thought my future would look like changed in that instant. I still replay the visit from the police, over and over again in my head.”
Their stories weren’t the same, but some of the similarities shook Ryan to the core. “Yeah. I do that, too. The replaying.”
She smiled softly. “Most of us do.”
“Does your son have nightmares or act out?”
“Not about his dad, no. But only having one parent…I think he worries more than the average four-year-old. Sometimes I think I’ve projected that onto him, that he’s more of an old soul than he otherwise would have been because he saw me crying for so long.”
“So I’m not the only one worried that I’m scarring my kids for life?”
“God, no.” She sighed, and boy did Ryan recognize the emotions heavy in that sound. “Tell me about your kids.”
“Jack is the old soul. He keeps everything inside, trying to be the responsible one. He’s nine going on forty. Gavin’s seven, and Mr. Loud, always wanting attention now, which he never did before. I don’t know if that’s his mom’s death, or his age, or being the middle one. And Maya…she just turned four, and she doesn’t have the words to tell me just how much she misses her mom, but she does. They were inseparable. I worked a lot and…” He shook his head. “Gavin and Jack will hopefully always remember Lynn. I worry that Maya won’t, or that she’ll just have the fuzziest of recollections, and wonder if that will that be worse.”
Faith nodded, and as she listened, Ryan kept talking. He told her about his in-laws and his friends, work and the kids. She chimed in from time to time with little suggestions and thoughts, but for the most part she just sat there and let him go. And then slowly the conversation turned, and he listened as she talked about therapy pros and cons for the kids, and ways to help them remember the parent that is gone.
Before he knew it, his coffee was gone and Faith’s phone was beeping. She grimaced. “I’m sorry, I have a lunch-time phone call with my editor, that’s just a calendar reminder.”
Ryan looked at his watch. They’d been talking for almost two hours. “I should get going, too.”
“Was this helpful?” Faith asked. “Sometimes it is, sometimes it’s too much.”
“No, I appreciate it. This was…good. Sort of.”
“I’m heading to Owen Sound next week, if you want me to stop in Pine Harbour…you do owe me a cup of coffee, after all.”
“Nicely played.” He took a deep breath as he stood and stretched. “Maybe. And if not, I’ll think about coming to the group session. But thank you, either way.”
He thought about their conversation the whole drive home, and how easy it was to talk to Faith. Maybe because she was a stranger, and maybe because she’d shared first—he was so tired of feeling like the broken one in a circle of well people. Maybe he should go to the support group, after all.
Over dinner, he brought up Lynn to the kids, something he’d realized after talking to Faith that he didn’t do enough. All he had to do was bring up a single memory and Jack and Gavin ran with it. They all got a little teary, but they laughed, too, and most importantly, they smiled.
And when he tucked them into bed, they did it again.
— SIX —
R YAN was already in a pretty good mood when he got outside and found Holly strolling up the lane, carrying a thermos and two cups. The shy smile on her face as she stopped a few feet short of the deck filled him with a curious warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time.
“Hello there,” he said with a grin.
She flashed him a brilliant smile and held up her offering. “I thought I’d take a chance and see if you wanted tea.”
“Sure.”
She sat down on the steps and he joined her, leaving a foot and a half of space between them for decency
Their stories weren’t the same, but some of the similarities shook Ryan to the core. “Yeah. I do that, too. The replaying.”
She smiled softly. “Most of us do.”
“Does your son have nightmares or act out?”
“Not about his dad, no. But only having one parent…I think he worries more than the average four-year-old. Sometimes I think I’ve projected that onto him, that he’s more of an old soul than he otherwise would have been because he saw me crying for so long.”
“So I’m not the only one worried that I’m scarring my kids for life?”
“God, no.” She sighed, and boy did Ryan recognize the emotions heavy in that sound. “Tell me about your kids.”
“Jack is the old soul. He keeps everything inside, trying to be the responsible one. He’s nine going on forty. Gavin’s seven, and Mr. Loud, always wanting attention now, which he never did before. I don’t know if that’s his mom’s death, or his age, or being the middle one. And Maya…she just turned four, and she doesn’t have the words to tell me just how much she misses her mom, but she does. They were inseparable. I worked a lot and…” He shook his head. “Gavin and Jack will hopefully always remember Lynn. I worry that Maya won’t, or that she’ll just have the fuzziest of recollections, and wonder if that will that be worse.”
Faith nodded, and as she listened, Ryan kept talking. He told her about his in-laws and his friends, work and the kids. She chimed in from time to time with little suggestions and thoughts, but for the most part she just sat there and let him go. And then slowly the conversation turned, and he listened as she talked about therapy pros and cons for the kids, and ways to help them remember the parent that is gone.
Before he knew it, his coffee was gone and Faith’s phone was beeping. She grimaced. “I’m sorry, I have a lunch-time phone call with my editor, that’s just a calendar reminder.”
Ryan looked at his watch. They’d been talking for almost two hours. “I should get going, too.”
“Was this helpful?” Faith asked. “Sometimes it is, sometimes it’s too much.”
“No, I appreciate it. This was…good. Sort of.”
“I’m heading to Owen Sound next week, if you want me to stop in Pine Harbour…you do owe me a cup of coffee, after all.”
“Nicely played.” He took a deep breath as he stood and stretched. “Maybe. And if not, I’ll think about coming to the group session. But thank you, either way.”
He thought about their conversation the whole drive home, and how easy it was to talk to Faith. Maybe because she was a stranger, and maybe because she’d shared first—he was so tired of feeling like the broken one in a circle of well people. Maybe he should go to the support group, after all.
Over dinner, he brought up Lynn to the kids, something he’d realized after talking to Faith that he didn’t do enough. All he had to do was bring up a single memory and Jack and Gavin ran with it. They all got a little teary, but they laughed, too, and most importantly, they smiled.
And when he tucked them into bed, they did it again.
— SIX —
R YAN was already in a pretty good mood when he got outside and found Holly strolling up the lane, carrying a thermos and two cups. The shy smile on her face as she stopped a few feet short of the deck filled him with a curious warmth he hadn’t felt in a long time.
“Hello there,” he said with a grin.
She flashed him a brilliant smile and held up her offering. “I thought I’d take a chance and see if you wanted tea.”
“Sure.”
She sat down on the steps and he joined her, leaving a foot and a half of space between them for decency
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