down. He grabbed my
hips and began slowly pulsing in and out. He wanted something here.
I was trying to figure out what, when he held up his palm and said,
“Together?”
Oh, dear God, yes. I brought my scar to his, nodded and said,
“Together.” We were like two waves racing to reach the shore at exactly the
same time. I was closer, so I closed my eyes and did everything I could to
wait for him. I squeezed my other hand into a fist. I bit my lip. And I
clenched every muscle in my body, which, of course, he felt… and that’s when I
felt him. Both our eyes flew open and locked on each other’s as the waves
crashed over us.
His knees gave out and we both crashed to the floor. This was too much
for him emotionally. We both knew that. He softly wept as I wrapped my arms
around him. I bit back at least a hundred ‘I’m sorry’s’. My sister’s words
began echoing through my head: “Don’t tell him, Sarah. Show him .” I
turned my head and began kissing his neck. I squeezed tight and started gently
moving my hips. His crying slowly came to a stop and he pulled me tighter to his
body. He turned his head and stared at me. I saw anger back in his eyes. He
opened his mouth to say something. Good, I thought. Yell at me, scream at me,
tell me how horrible I am. Please. But he didn’t. He didn’t yell. He didn’t
scream. He loved me so much that he couldn’t, and that broke my heart. He
hesitated for just a moment and then he nodded. I saw the determination in his
eyes… and the resignation. He was accepting this pain as a part of his life,
as a part of our future. Why? Why the hell would he do that? And why the
hell would I do this to him? If I loved him half as much as I said I did, how
could I do this to him? This wasn’t me. This wasn’t who I was. At least, it
wasn’t who I used to be. Was this who I was now? I had thought that nothing
about my personality had changed when I became a vampire. Was I wrong? Or
would this still have happened with Carlos even if Matt hadn’t changed me?
Yes, I think it probably would have. My connection to both of them was that
strong.
All of this went through my head as he brought his mouth to mine and
began kissing me. Every inch of me wanted to jump up and start screaming,
“What the hell is wrong with me?” But I couldn’t. The last thing I wanted was
for Matt to have to deal with my self-loathing and feel like he had to make me
feel better. He’d already done that way too much already. This moment, this
time, was all about him, not me. It was about healing, not drama. I pulled him
tighter as I finally felt his body beginning to respond. He stood up, turned
off the water and carried me to the bed, where we spent the next few hours
trying desperately to show each other that the love was still there.
He rolled his head to the side and looked at the clock. “Shit, I really
have to get to work, Sarah,” he said.
“You sure you can’t take the day off?” I said as I began kissing his
chest, then his belly. He groaned as I moved lower. “Wait… honey… God, don’t
stop… no, wait,” he said.
I stopped what I was doing and smiled at him. “Wait and don’t stop. Are
you going to make up your mind?”
He smiled, but then reached down and pulled me into his arms. Guess I
was done for now. “I really don’t want you to stop, but there’s something I
needed to talk to you about. I just forgot with all this… well, you know,” he
said as he looked down. His eyes came back up. “There’s something really
weird going on,” he said.
“Well, weird isn’t exactly the word I would use, but okay,” I said.
“No, not that. There’ve been some disappearances,” he said.
“Disappearances? What do you mean?” I said.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed. “Come to my office. I’ll
show you what I mean.
hips and began slowly pulsing in and out. He wanted something here.
I was trying to figure out what, when he held up his palm and said,
“Together?”
Oh, dear God, yes. I brought my scar to his, nodded and said,
“Together.” We were like two waves racing to reach the shore at exactly the
same time. I was closer, so I closed my eyes and did everything I could to
wait for him. I squeezed my other hand into a fist. I bit my lip. And I
clenched every muscle in my body, which, of course, he felt… and that’s when I
felt him. Both our eyes flew open and locked on each other’s as the waves
crashed over us.
His knees gave out and we both crashed to the floor. This was too much
for him emotionally. We both knew that. He softly wept as I wrapped my arms
around him. I bit back at least a hundred ‘I’m sorry’s’. My sister’s words
began echoing through my head: “Don’t tell him, Sarah. Show him .” I
turned my head and began kissing his neck. I squeezed tight and started gently
moving my hips. His crying slowly came to a stop and he pulled me tighter to his
body. He turned his head and stared at me. I saw anger back in his eyes. He
opened his mouth to say something. Good, I thought. Yell at me, scream at me,
tell me how horrible I am. Please. But he didn’t. He didn’t yell. He didn’t
scream. He loved me so much that he couldn’t, and that broke my heart. He
hesitated for just a moment and then he nodded. I saw the determination in his
eyes… and the resignation. He was accepting this pain as a part of his life,
as a part of our future. Why? Why the hell would he do that? And why the
hell would I do this to him? If I loved him half as much as I said I did, how
could I do this to him? This wasn’t me. This wasn’t who I was. At least, it
wasn’t who I used to be. Was this who I was now? I had thought that nothing
about my personality had changed when I became a vampire. Was I wrong? Or
would this still have happened with Carlos even if Matt hadn’t changed me?
Yes, I think it probably would have. My connection to both of them was that
strong.
All of this went through my head as he brought his mouth to mine and
began kissing me. Every inch of me wanted to jump up and start screaming,
“What the hell is wrong with me?” But I couldn’t. The last thing I wanted was
for Matt to have to deal with my self-loathing and feel like he had to make me
feel better. He’d already done that way too much already. This moment, this
time, was all about him, not me. It was about healing, not drama. I pulled him
tighter as I finally felt his body beginning to respond. He stood up, turned
off the water and carried me to the bed, where we spent the next few hours
trying desperately to show each other that the love was still there.
He rolled his head to the side and looked at the clock. “Shit, I really
have to get to work, Sarah,” he said.
“You sure you can’t take the day off?” I said as I began kissing his
chest, then his belly. He groaned as I moved lower. “Wait… honey… God, don’t
stop… no, wait,” he said.
I stopped what I was doing and smiled at him. “Wait and don’t stop. Are
you going to make up your mind?”
He smiled, but then reached down and pulled me into his arms. Guess I
was done for now. “I really don’t want you to stop, but there’s something I
needed to talk to you about. I just forgot with all this… well, you know,” he
said as he looked down. His eyes came back up. “There’s something really
weird going on,” he said.
“Well, weird isn’t exactly the word I would use, but okay,” I said.
“No, not that. There’ve been some disappearances,” he said.
“Disappearances? What do you mean?” I said.
He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of bed. “Come to my office. I’ll
show you what I mean.
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