then put them on the tray so one of those brutes can go out back and throw them on the grill.”
Once the burgers are ready, I look around the room and notice another huge guy standing beside me. When I jump, I scrape my side against a table as I hit its corner. “Ouch!” I cry out and grab ahold of my side.
“Are you okay?” He moves forward and tries to lift my shirt to check if I’m hurt. Shaking my head frantically, I move away, not wanting to be touched. I close my eyes and count to ten to calm down and not pass out from a panic attack.
Opening my eyes, I see he is still standing in front of me, concern etched onto his face. “I’m sorry,” I say immediately, ashamed because I had been doing so well.
“Honey, it’s okay.” His large arms reach and grab the tray of hamburgers. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a nose that looks like it’s been broken one too many times. He’s handsome, but nothing compared to Ethan. He walks out of the side door. The outside light gleams through the room as he walks outside.
“Hey.” A hand touches my arm, and I jump ten feet into the air. Holding my chest, I turn around quickly. Jessica jumps back and holds her hands up in front of her.
“You okay?” she says slowly.
“I’m okay, just jumpy. Want me to do something else?” I ask, changing the subject.
She tilts her head to the side, studying me. I know she wants to ask more questions, but I don’t want anyone else to know my demons. She lets it go and points to the cutting board. “Go cut up the tomatoes and onions.”
I hurry past her and busy myself. I miss Ethan a lot more than I thought I would. I think back to the pranks we played on each other this morning, and it brings a huge smile to my face.
“What’s the big smile about?” Jessica breaks through my Ethan fog. Blushing, I peek at her. She has a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Nothing.” I blush again and cut another slice of tomato.
“Come on, do tell!” she squeals and jumps up and down. I laugh at her antics.
“What do you want to know?”
She rolls her eyes. “Umm, everything, duh?”
Leaning my hip against the counter, I turn to her. “There’s nothing to really tell.”
“If there weren’t, you wouldn’t be smiling the way you are. I won’t tell a soul, scouts honor!” She puts her two fingers up.
“We met three weeks ago, and it’s not like that. He’s just my friend,” I tell her blandly.
“Yeah, right. Is that what they call it nowadays?” she says with a laugh and waves her hand around.
Could I feel more for Ethan? No way could I possibly want a relationship after all that happened to me... Right? Plus, what man would want a broken woman who could possibly never be emotionally ready to have sex? Sadness overwhelms me. What person would want someone like me? I’m unstable and ugly on the inside. Tears well up in my eyes. God, why me? Why do I have to deal with this every single second of my life? Why?
My legs give out from under me, and I sink to the floor in a sobbing mess, feeling so broken. So unwanted. So alone.
“Sweetheart,” Jessica says in a tear-filled voice. I need this cry, need to get it out of my system. My heart hurts so freaking much.
A few minutes later, I compose myself. I wipe away my tears and look at Jessica, who’s still hugging me tightly.
“You’re beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not true. I can guarantee that.” She kisses my forehead and helps me off the floor before returning back to her kitchen duties.
For the first time in forever, I feel like a major weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I almost want to weep with joy because I don’t feel so broken anymore. I’m not weak. I have fought all these years and have coped in my own way. I know I will never be the same and it will take a very long time for me to become semi normal again, but in this moment, I know I will get better. I’m strong and a fierce
Once the burgers are ready, I look around the room and notice another huge guy standing beside me. When I jump, I scrape my side against a table as I hit its corner. “Ouch!” I cry out and grab ahold of my side.
“Are you okay?” He moves forward and tries to lift my shirt to check if I’m hurt. Shaking my head frantically, I move away, not wanting to be touched. I close my eyes and count to ten to calm down and not pass out from a panic attack.
Opening my eyes, I see he is still standing in front of me, concern etched onto his face. “I’m sorry,” I say immediately, ashamed because I had been doing so well.
“Honey, it’s okay.” His large arms reach and grab the tray of hamburgers. He has dark brown hair, brown eyes, and a nose that looks like it’s been broken one too many times. He’s handsome, but nothing compared to Ethan. He walks out of the side door. The outside light gleams through the room as he walks outside.
“Hey.” A hand touches my arm, and I jump ten feet into the air. Holding my chest, I turn around quickly. Jessica jumps back and holds her hands up in front of her.
“You okay?” she says slowly.
“I’m okay, just jumpy. Want me to do something else?” I ask, changing the subject.
She tilts her head to the side, studying me. I know she wants to ask more questions, but I don’t want anyone else to know my demons. She lets it go and points to the cutting board. “Go cut up the tomatoes and onions.”
I hurry past her and busy myself. I miss Ethan a lot more than I thought I would. I think back to the pranks we played on each other this morning, and it brings a huge smile to my face.
“What’s the big smile about?” Jessica breaks through my Ethan fog. Blushing, I peek at her. She has a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Nothing.” I blush again and cut another slice of tomato.
“Come on, do tell!” she squeals and jumps up and down. I laugh at her antics.
“What do you want to know?”
She rolls her eyes. “Umm, everything, duh?”
Leaning my hip against the counter, I turn to her. “There’s nothing to really tell.”
“If there weren’t, you wouldn’t be smiling the way you are. I won’t tell a soul, scouts honor!” She puts her two fingers up.
“We met three weeks ago, and it’s not like that. He’s just my friend,” I tell her blandly.
“Yeah, right. Is that what they call it nowadays?” she says with a laugh and waves her hand around.
Could I feel more for Ethan? No way could I possibly want a relationship after all that happened to me... Right? Plus, what man would want a broken woman who could possibly never be emotionally ready to have sex? Sadness overwhelms me. What person would want someone like me? I’m unstable and ugly on the inside. Tears well up in my eyes. God, why me? Why do I have to deal with this every single second of my life? Why?
My legs give out from under me, and I sink to the floor in a sobbing mess, feeling so broken. So unwanted. So alone.
“Sweetheart,” Jessica says in a tear-filled voice. I need this cry, need to get it out of my system. My heart hurts so freaking much.
A few minutes later, I compose myself. I wipe away my tears and look at Jessica, who’s still hugging me tightly.
“You’re beautiful. Any man would be lucky to have you. I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not true. I can guarantee that.” She kisses my forehead and helps me off the floor before returning back to her kitchen duties.
For the first time in forever, I feel like a major weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I almost want to weep with joy because I don’t feel so broken anymore. I’m not weak. I have fought all these years and have coped in my own way. I know I will never be the same and it will take a very long time for me to become semi normal again, but in this moment, I know I will get better. I’m strong and a fierce
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