VICTORIA
Baby Michael had to stay in the hospital for a few days after his birth. They wouldn’t let him leave until he was five pounds. They let me stay on a recliner in the NICU, partly I think, because they knew I wasn’t going to leave unless they physically removed me. I can hardly believe how much I love him still. It’s so overwhelming sometimes there’s hardly room in my chest for anything else. Sometimes I begin to wonder how people can have more than one child. How could you possibly open up your heart that wide more than once… and then Alex comes in to see us and I realize that the heart really knows no bounds. Mine stretches to accommodate him as well. I tell myself that I don’t have a right to feel that way about him. He’s Michael’s father but technically, he’s not even my boyfriend. My heart and brain are in a constant battle over it. He’s been here every day. He brings me food and makes sure that I’m eating it and he holds our son and tells him about all of the things they’re going to do together someday. It’s adorable to watch and once again, my heart swells.
I was sitting here today next to the crib watching my handsome boy sleep when the doctor came in and Alex snuck in right behind him. My heart, still not listening to my head, sped up at the sight of Alex and my breaths quickened.
“How is Sir Michael doing today?” the doctor asked. He’s called him “Sir Michael” since the day of his birth. He said it’s his eyes, they make him look regal.
I smiled at him and my eyes drifted over to Alex and I smiled at him too. He smiled back at me. I melted. Focusing back on the moment I said, “He’s perfect, Dr. Samuels, just perfect.”
The doctor grinned and looked at Alex and said, “We’ll see if she’s still saying that in a few years when he’s sliding down the banister backwards. Raising boys is not for the faint of heart, you know.”
“I’m sure my mother would agree,” Alex said.
“And I’m sure my boy will be the best banister slider there ever was,” I told them. Dr. Samuels laughed and unwrapped Michael’s blanket. He started poking around on his little belly. Michael started to fuss, annoyed at the intrusion.
“You don’t like that little man?” Alex asked him, stepping up to the other side of the crib. He put his hand down next to the baby and as the doctor pressed his cold stethoscope into the baby’s chest, Michael reached up and grabbed onto one of Alex’s fingers. Alex’s eyes widened and he looked at me with a look of pure awe on his face. “He’s so strong!”
Dr. Samuels pulled the stethoscope out of his ears and said, “He is a strong guy. Everything looks good and the nurse said he is up to five point one pounds today.”
A thrill shot through me. “That means we can take him home today?”
“That’s what it means,” he said. “If you’re ready.”
“We are so ready!” I told him. I looked at Alex again. The baby was still gripping his finger. If it had been dark in the room, Alex’s smile would have illuminated it.
“We’re ready,” he said.
“I’ll get the paperwork started,” Dr. Samuels said. “You’ve got a fine boy there.” We both thanked him and he left. I got up and stood on the opposite side of the crib from where Alex was.
“Hey there little man, did you hear that? We get to take you home today. Mama’s got a cozy little bed for you right next to mine…” I said.
“Please let him come to the mansion…” I looked up and Alex was imploring me with those intense hazel eyes.
“But… I’m breastfeeding him… Alex you promised that Michael and I wouldn’t be separated. He’s too little, he needs me.” I could actually feel my entire body going into fight or flight mode. I’d never experienced emotions the way I have since Michael was born. I guess that’s the maternal instinct in me.
“No Vicki, calm down.
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