you are and what you’ve done previously.
The difference between these two qualities is easily differentiated. Do you talk about your prior successes as a means to create new opportunities for yourself and others, or is it done with the expectation that people will automatically react with reverence and feel humbled in your presence? Are you looking to always work hard—on your projects or partnerships—or are you simply looking for a way to beat the system and receive what you think you should be given?
The Alpha understands that pride is an essential part of self-actualization. You can’t improve yourself and the world you live in if you don’t acknowledge your success. This is change psychology that depends on reinforcement. You need to believe you are good, and the only way to do that is to reference what you’ve done right. At the same time, pointing to prior success shouldn’t change the fundamental drive to become better or the effort you put in during that process.
In the end, the difference is simple. Pride is the province of the Alpha who has done and will continue to do great things—and arrogance is the calling card of dickheads and pretenders who are simply masquerading as power players.
ALPHA TRAIT #5
Humble—But Not Self-Loathing
The drive to avoid arrogance can swing too far and bring you to a place where you no longer value yourself or what you achieve. Just as pride is important for acknowledging your successes, humility is equally important for confessing how hard it was to become better and accepting that you may not be the best and that you have a lot of work to do to get where you want to go.
Humility is important. It keeps us sane. It keeps us grounded. Most importantly, it keeps us hungry. Understanding that you are smart is essential to building the confidence you need to achieve; reminding yourself that you’re not Einstein is a strong driver that will help you learn more and become even smarter. But thinking that because you’re not Einstein means you’re patently stupid, well, that goes past the point of humility and dips into self-loathing.
This dark side can manifest itself in a way that is truly self-destructive. When you become self-loathing, you venture into a universe where you are incapable of taking pride or credit for any success. Self-loathers genuinely lack so much confidence that anything that is accomplished is never seen as a direct result of their effort, time, or contributions. They are paralyzed by a belief that no matter what they do, they are not good enough. Self-loathers downplay achievements, direct praise only toward others, and castigate themselves for all shortcomings and failures. In other words, the highs are still considered valleys, and the lows can drive confidence to the depths of hell.
The Alpha understands that anyone who can’t be a little self-deprecating is taking life—and himself—too seriously. He’s humble and hungry, but he gives himself credit where it’s due. And he never, ever loses faith in himself.
ALPHA TRAIT #6
Tolerant—But Not Weak
We probably don’t need to tell you this, but you’re going to have to put up with some crap in life. Whether it’s with friends, loved ones, coworkers, or bosses, part of life is dealing with crap. It’s an inevitable fact that no one can avoid. Patience and tolerance are essential to understanding your place in the world, as is being comfortable with opposing opinions and beliefs. Your opinion is not the only one that matters, and your job is not to convince everyone to see the world as you do.
Whether it’s in the office or at the bar, you can’t be argumentative with everything that goes against your worldview and values. You have to be tolerant of people’s mistakes, shortcomings, and personal opinions. Doing otherwise is being narrow-minded and an asshole. And you don’t want to be an asshole.
At the same time, there are lines in life. And if people cross them—whether
The difference between these two qualities is easily differentiated. Do you talk about your prior successes as a means to create new opportunities for yourself and others, or is it done with the expectation that people will automatically react with reverence and feel humbled in your presence? Are you looking to always work hard—on your projects or partnerships—or are you simply looking for a way to beat the system and receive what you think you should be given?
The Alpha understands that pride is an essential part of self-actualization. You can’t improve yourself and the world you live in if you don’t acknowledge your success. This is change psychology that depends on reinforcement. You need to believe you are good, and the only way to do that is to reference what you’ve done right. At the same time, pointing to prior success shouldn’t change the fundamental drive to become better or the effort you put in during that process.
In the end, the difference is simple. Pride is the province of the Alpha who has done and will continue to do great things—and arrogance is the calling card of dickheads and pretenders who are simply masquerading as power players.
ALPHA TRAIT #5
Humble—But Not Self-Loathing
The drive to avoid arrogance can swing too far and bring you to a place where you no longer value yourself or what you achieve. Just as pride is important for acknowledging your successes, humility is equally important for confessing how hard it was to become better and accepting that you may not be the best and that you have a lot of work to do to get where you want to go.
Humility is important. It keeps us sane. It keeps us grounded. Most importantly, it keeps us hungry. Understanding that you are smart is essential to building the confidence you need to achieve; reminding yourself that you’re not Einstein is a strong driver that will help you learn more and become even smarter. But thinking that because you’re not Einstein means you’re patently stupid, well, that goes past the point of humility and dips into self-loathing.
This dark side can manifest itself in a way that is truly self-destructive. When you become self-loathing, you venture into a universe where you are incapable of taking pride or credit for any success. Self-loathers genuinely lack so much confidence that anything that is accomplished is never seen as a direct result of their effort, time, or contributions. They are paralyzed by a belief that no matter what they do, they are not good enough. Self-loathers downplay achievements, direct praise only toward others, and castigate themselves for all shortcomings and failures. In other words, the highs are still considered valleys, and the lows can drive confidence to the depths of hell.
The Alpha understands that anyone who can’t be a little self-deprecating is taking life—and himself—too seriously. He’s humble and hungry, but he gives himself credit where it’s due. And he never, ever loses faith in himself.
ALPHA TRAIT #6
Tolerant—But Not Weak
We probably don’t need to tell you this, but you’re going to have to put up with some crap in life. Whether it’s with friends, loved ones, coworkers, or bosses, part of life is dealing with crap. It’s an inevitable fact that no one can avoid. Patience and tolerance are essential to understanding your place in the world, as is being comfortable with opposing opinions and beliefs. Your opinion is not the only one that matters, and your job is not to convince everyone to see the world as you do.
Whether it’s in the office or at the bar, you can’t be argumentative with everything that goes against your worldview and values. You have to be tolerant of people’s mistakes, shortcomings, and personal opinions. Doing otherwise is being narrow-minded and an asshole. And you don’t want to be an asshole.
At the same time, there are lines in life. And if people cross them—whether
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