night alone in that house."
"You're overreacting."
"Great. Humor me."
*
I look around my apartment, wishing I'd taken a few minutes to clear the table and pick the dirty laundry up off the floor of my bedroom before rushing to my brother's house earlier in the evening. I feel like that whole episode was days ago.
"Excuse the mess." I pick up a crumb-filled dish off the table and carry it over to the sink overflowing with dishes.
"It's fine." Allie says, looking around the place. I'm surprised by how uncomfortable I am in my own space. It's like I'm waiting for her to announce I've failed some sort of test. The apartment isn't much. It's simple. It's small. But it's mine.
"Are you tired?" I ask.
She nods. "I'm pretty wiped. I just want this night to end and forget it ever happened."
Fuck. That hurts. I get her wanting to forget about Bailey and her tires, but wasn't there at least a little bit of the night she'd liked? Like when I had her pinned against my truck outside the bar? I wait for her to give some hint that she wants to remember that, but she doesn't.
"Come on, let me show you to the bedroom."
"Um, okay." She hesitates a second, and I'm guessing she's nervous about what I'm implying.
"I'll grab a pillow and blanket and crash on the couch." I say to settle her nerves and make sure she understands I have no expectation of sleeping in there with her.
She reaches out and touches my arm. I glance at her hand on my elbow, wishing she'd glide it up my arm and over my shoulder.
Not tonight.
Her emotions are running too high, and I promised her no regrets. I'm doing everything I can to keep my word.
"Sorry," she says, meeting my eyes and yanking her hand away as if touching me stings. I wonder if she felt that touch throughout her body too. "You don't have to sleep on the couch."
"It's fine." I shrug.
"I don't want you to sleep on the couch."
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, searching for the strength and will to do the right thing. I can't turn her down again. I just can't. But I can't let things go that far either. I struggle to control the caveman in me that's yearning to sweep her into my arms and carry her off to the bedroom.
"I don't want to be alone. You sleep in the bed and I'll crash on the floor. I'll feel a lot better knowing you're in the same room as me."
That cools me off just enough to regain focus.
"Like hell."
Disappointment floods her face as her chin falls and she looks down at the floor. She's uncertain again. I want to kiss the doubts away. How wrong could it be to kiss her? To crush her against me and taste the sweetness of her lips?
I can do it. A kiss is just a kiss. But it's everything that happens after the kiss that's the problem. The touching. The holding. The fucking I already crave. All this turns a sweet kiss into a complicated bumblefuck of a mess.
"Yes, I'll sleep in there with you, but you've got the bed, I'm on the floor," I say, walking past her.
I rummage through my drawers and toss Allie a T-shirt and a pair of sweats to change into. The thought that my clothes will be on her, wrapped around her body, clinging to her like a hug and cradling her curves in ways I won't allow my hands to, has my cock jumping to life. I avoid looking at her as I try to regain control of myself and bring down my heart rate.
Nothing. Can. Fucking. Happen.
While she's in the bathroom freshening up, I pull out a sleeping bag and trade my clothes for a pair of fresh basketball shorts. I prefer sleeping in the nude, but I don't think she'd be too appreciative of it. It's not like she'll even know unless she ventures into my area of the landscape since I'm already settled into my sleeping bag. But still, I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
Once she returns from the bathroom, Allie climbs into bed and pulls the covers over her before turning off the lamp. Neither of us speak. I'm fine with that. It's been a long, emotional night for us both. I'm lying on my back thinking with
"You're overreacting."
"Great. Humor me."
*
I look around my apartment, wishing I'd taken a few minutes to clear the table and pick the dirty laundry up off the floor of my bedroom before rushing to my brother's house earlier in the evening. I feel like that whole episode was days ago.
"Excuse the mess." I pick up a crumb-filled dish off the table and carry it over to the sink overflowing with dishes.
"It's fine." Allie says, looking around the place. I'm surprised by how uncomfortable I am in my own space. It's like I'm waiting for her to announce I've failed some sort of test. The apartment isn't much. It's simple. It's small. But it's mine.
"Are you tired?" I ask.
She nods. "I'm pretty wiped. I just want this night to end and forget it ever happened."
Fuck. That hurts. I get her wanting to forget about Bailey and her tires, but wasn't there at least a little bit of the night she'd liked? Like when I had her pinned against my truck outside the bar? I wait for her to give some hint that she wants to remember that, but she doesn't.
"Come on, let me show you to the bedroom."
"Um, okay." She hesitates a second, and I'm guessing she's nervous about what I'm implying.
"I'll grab a pillow and blanket and crash on the couch." I say to settle her nerves and make sure she understands I have no expectation of sleeping in there with her.
She reaches out and touches my arm. I glance at her hand on my elbow, wishing she'd glide it up my arm and over my shoulder.
Not tonight.
Her emotions are running too high, and I promised her no regrets. I'm doing everything I can to keep my word.
"Sorry," she says, meeting my eyes and yanking her hand away as if touching me stings. I wonder if she felt that touch throughout her body too. "You don't have to sleep on the couch."
"It's fine." I shrug.
"I don't want you to sleep on the couch."
I take a deep breath and close my eyes, searching for the strength and will to do the right thing. I can't turn her down again. I just can't. But I can't let things go that far either. I struggle to control the caveman in me that's yearning to sweep her into my arms and carry her off to the bedroom.
"I don't want to be alone. You sleep in the bed and I'll crash on the floor. I'll feel a lot better knowing you're in the same room as me."
That cools me off just enough to regain focus.
"Like hell."
Disappointment floods her face as her chin falls and she looks down at the floor. She's uncertain again. I want to kiss the doubts away. How wrong could it be to kiss her? To crush her against me and taste the sweetness of her lips?
I can do it. A kiss is just a kiss. But it's everything that happens after the kiss that's the problem. The touching. The holding. The fucking I already crave. All this turns a sweet kiss into a complicated bumblefuck of a mess.
"Yes, I'll sleep in there with you, but you've got the bed, I'm on the floor," I say, walking past her.
I rummage through my drawers and toss Allie a T-shirt and a pair of sweats to change into. The thought that my clothes will be on her, wrapped around her body, clinging to her like a hug and cradling her curves in ways I won't allow my hands to, has my cock jumping to life. I avoid looking at her as I try to regain control of myself and bring down my heart rate.
Nothing. Can. Fucking. Happen.
While she's in the bathroom freshening up, I pull out a sleeping bag and trade my clothes for a pair of fresh basketball shorts. I prefer sleeping in the nude, but I don't think she'd be too appreciative of it. It's not like she'll even know unless she ventures into my area of the landscape since I'm already settled into my sleeping bag. But still, I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
Once she returns from the bathroom, Allie climbs into bed and pulls the covers over her before turning off the lamp. Neither of us speak. I'm fine with that. It's been a long, emotional night for us both. I'm lying on my back thinking with
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