my hands behind my head and my eyes closed. I need sleep to knock me over the head so I can succumb and stop my mind from focusing on the fact that Allie's curled up between the sheets in my bed.
"Jagger," she breaks the silence. Her voice is close. I don't need to look to know she's leaning over the side of the bed, bringing her head close to my pillow. "Are you awake?"
"Nope. I'm fast asleep," I answer.
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Of course," I ask, propping myself up on my elbow and facing her.
"What's the deal with you and Lexi?"
I clear my throat. Out of all the things she could've possibly asked, I never dreamed Lexi would be on the list.
"Deal?"
"I know you call and text her. A lot. You know she's never going to leave Noah, right?"
"Fuck, Allie. It's just..." Do I tell her the truth? No. Not now. Not yet. I don't need her thinking any less of me than she already does. "The deal is, we're friends." At least I thought we were, but it seems Lexi may be on a completely different page and I don't like the way this story is going.
"Did you say those things to me by your truck for them to get back to her? I mean, to make her jealous?"
"No." I push myself up so that I'm sitting with my knees bent, shocked that we're having this conversation, and even more so that Allie sounds like an insecure high school girl rather than the strong, sexy woman I know her to be. The same sexy woman teasing and tempting me with her salacious moves at The Tavern.
"Anything we say or do is between us. It's about you and me. I'm not looking to drag anyone else into an already complicated situation."
"Okay."
She doesn't say anything further, but I can't leave it at this. I need an idea of where her head is. "I don't mean to pressure you."
"You're not," she's quick to answer. Too quick.
"Nothing has to change." It's killing me to say this, but I think this is what she needs. Reassurance, and the promise that she's in control. "Just forget it all, and we'll go on the way we've been. Wake up tomorrow and pretend it never happened."
"Except it did. And I'll remember every bit of it when I wake up in your bed."
"Alone in my bed."
"It's still your bed."
I don't get why she's arguing with me. "Fine, you want to go back home?"
"No."
"Then what the hell is the problem?" I snap, confused and frustrated.
"There's no problem. I just wanted to make sure you're really interested in me, because after what went down with Bailey... I don't want to worry that you're settling for me when Lexi is the one you really want. I don't want to be anyone's second choice. I just want to be someone's everything."
"Someone's everything? Does that imply you'll settle for being anyone's everything?"
"Of course not, but for once, I want the person I'm with to be crazier about me than anyone else. Is that so wrong?"
I can't stand listening to another second of this.
"Wrong? Of course not. First of all, you'll always be my first choice. And I don't just mean between you and Lexi. Between you and anyone. Second, I poured my heart out to you, and this is what I get, accused of using you to get to Lexi? That's shitty. I should go sleep on the couch." I get to my feet, ready to storm out of my bedroom, when she reaches for my hand.
"Jagger, wait." I hesitate and listen to a long moment of silence before she continues. "I'm scared." The quiver of her voice convinces me she's telling the truth.
"There's nothing to be scared of. I told you, forget everything I said."
"Don't you get it? I don't want to forget."
"Then what the hell do you want?"
There's a long pause, and I'm as confused as the sun in a hailstorm.
"You promised no regrets, right?"
"Yes. Worst damn promise I've ever made. Even still, been doing everything in my power to keep it."
"Well, I know if I lay down and go to sleep right now, I'm going to wake up with a major regret. Guaranteed."
"How's that?" I ask as she tugs my hand toward her.
"If I don't kiss you tonight, right now,
"Jagger," she breaks the silence. Her voice is close. I don't need to look to know she's leaning over the side of the bed, bringing her head close to my pillow. "Are you awake?"
"Nope. I'm fast asleep," I answer.
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Of course," I ask, propping myself up on my elbow and facing her.
"What's the deal with you and Lexi?"
I clear my throat. Out of all the things she could've possibly asked, I never dreamed Lexi would be on the list.
"Deal?"
"I know you call and text her. A lot. You know she's never going to leave Noah, right?"
"Fuck, Allie. It's just..." Do I tell her the truth? No. Not now. Not yet. I don't need her thinking any less of me than she already does. "The deal is, we're friends." At least I thought we were, but it seems Lexi may be on a completely different page and I don't like the way this story is going.
"Did you say those things to me by your truck for them to get back to her? I mean, to make her jealous?"
"No." I push myself up so that I'm sitting with my knees bent, shocked that we're having this conversation, and even more so that Allie sounds like an insecure high school girl rather than the strong, sexy woman I know her to be. The same sexy woman teasing and tempting me with her salacious moves at The Tavern.
"Anything we say or do is between us. It's about you and me. I'm not looking to drag anyone else into an already complicated situation."
"Okay."
She doesn't say anything further, but I can't leave it at this. I need an idea of where her head is. "I don't mean to pressure you."
"You're not," she's quick to answer. Too quick.
"Nothing has to change." It's killing me to say this, but I think this is what she needs. Reassurance, and the promise that she's in control. "Just forget it all, and we'll go on the way we've been. Wake up tomorrow and pretend it never happened."
"Except it did. And I'll remember every bit of it when I wake up in your bed."
"Alone in my bed."
"It's still your bed."
I don't get why she's arguing with me. "Fine, you want to go back home?"
"No."
"Then what the hell is the problem?" I snap, confused and frustrated.
"There's no problem. I just wanted to make sure you're really interested in me, because after what went down with Bailey... I don't want to worry that you're settling for me when Lexi is the one you really want. I don't want to be anyone's second choice. I just want to be someone's everything."
"Someone's everything? Does that imply you'll settle for being anyone's everything?"
"Of course not, but for once, I want the person I'm with to be crazier about me than anyone else. Is that so wrong?"
I can't stand listening to another second of this.
"Wrong? Of course not. First of all, you'll always be my first choice. And I don't just mean between you and Lexi. Between you and anyone. Second, I poured my heart out to you, and this is what I get, accused of using you to get to Lexi? That's shitty. I should go sleep on the couch." I get to my feet, ready to storm out of my bedroom, when she reaches for my hand.
"Jagger, wait." I hesitate and listen to a long moment of silence before she continues. "I'm scared." The quiver of her voice convinces me she's telling the truth.
"There's nothing to be scared of. I told you, forget everything I said."
"Don't you get it? I don't want to forget."
"Then what the hell do you want?"
There's a long pause, and I'm as confused as the sun in a hailstorm.
"You promised no regrets, right?"
"Yes. Worst damn promise I've ever made. Even still, been doing everything in my power to keep it."
"Well, I know if I lay down and go to sleep right now, I'm going to wake up with a major regret. Guaranteed."
"How's that?" I ask as she tugs my hand toward her.
"If I don't kiss you tonight, right now,
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