always done.
“I was flirting with my therapist.” Even as he said it, though, he realized it wasn’t exactly the truth. “More than flirting. I came on pretty strong.”
“And he kicked you out?”
“Well, first he said no…” His sentence died unfinished, as he thought about how to finish.
“And?”
“I suppose you could say I was overly persistent.”
“Why?”
“I guess I thought he was playing hard-to-get. I thought I could change his mind.”
She was silent for a second and then she said with obvious relish, “In other words, you thought you knew what was right, whether it was what he wanted or not. Hmmm… Why does that sound familiar?”
Of course, she was correct. Disregarding Jaime’s words and assuming he didn’t know his own desires was exactly the type of thing Levi’s parents did to him, and it infuriated him. It had never occurred to him how manipulative his attempts at seduction sometimes were. It made him feel small and pathetic. Especially in light of his suspicions about sexual abuse, his advances had been borderline harassment. Of course, he hadn’t known about the abuse at the time, and even now it was nothing more than speculation, but that didn’t excuse his actions. And since he could easily get laid almost any night of the week at the club, his insistence on seducing Jaime had been downright selfish. He was ashamed of what an asshole he’d been. “Ruth, I really hate it when you’re right.”
“I’m your big sister,” she said. “It’s all part of the job.”
CHAPTER 6
It was Sunday when Levi called him. Jaime saw the name on caller ID and didn’t answer. He was relieved when Levi didn’t leave a message. But an hour later, his phone was ringing again. Once again he ignored it, but he wasn’t surprised when Levi called a third time, later that night. This time, he answered, albeit reluctantly.
“Hello?”
“It’s Levi.”
“I know. What do you want?”
“Jaime, I’m sorry.”
“Now that you’ve spent the weekend working and surfing and
your psoas is acting up, I’m sure you are. Goodbye.”
“Wait, Jaime! That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Levi sighed. “I never meant to upset you. I really didn’t. I
mean, yes, I meant to hit on you, but I didn’t mean to scare you. And I never wanted to hurt you.”
Now that Jaime was really listening, he realized Levi did actually sound sincere. “The problem wasn’t just you hitting on me. It was that I asked you to stop—more than once—and you didn’t.”
“I know. And I should have. I mean I should never have started. It’s just I wanted to seduce you. Maybe it was wrong. It was definitely selfish. But it wasn’t malicious. I didn’t realize how upsetting it would be for you. And I’m sorry.”
Jaime hadn’t expected such a heartfelt apology. It took him a moment to answer. Of course, it hadn’t been malicious. He knew that. However, he was surprised Levi had apparently thought about the incident enough to recognize the real root of the problem. “Apology accepted,” he said. “Goodnight, Mr. Binder.”
“Jaime, wait!”
“What?” Jaime asked, although he was pretty sure he knew what was coming.
“Jaime, I’d really like to come back.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I promise, I won’t hit on you. I won’t touch you. I promise to be a perfect gentleman.”
Could he believe him? That was the question. On one hand, Levi sounded sincere, and Jaime hated to lose a client. On the other hand, Levi scared him. Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But when he made advances, Jaime felt all of his old fears circling him in the darkness, snapping at his heels, waiting for him to trip and fall so they could pounce on him and swallow him whole. “I’m not sure I want to take that chance,” he said. He could sense Levi’s disappointment, even over the phone, but he refused to be swayed by it. “Goodbye, Levi.”
* * *
He told himself over and over
“I was flirting with my therapist.” Even as he said it, though, he realized it wasn’t exactly the truth. “More than flirting. I came on pretty strong.”
“And he kicked you out?”
“Well, first he said no…” His sentence died unfinished, as he thought about how to finish.
“And?”
“I suppose you could say I was overly persistent.”
“Why?”
“I guess I thought he was playing hard-to-get. I thought I could change his mind.”
She was silent for a second and then she said with obvious relish, “In other words, you thought you knew what was right, whether it was what he wanted or not. Hmmm… Why does that sound familiar?”
Of course, she was correct. Disregarding Jaime’s words and assuming he didn’t know his own desires was exactly the type of thing Levi’s parents did to him, and it infuriated him. It had never occurred to him how manipulative his attempts at seduction sometimes were. It made him feel small and pathetic. Especially in light of his suspicions about sexual abuse, his advances had been borderline harassment. Of course, he hadn’t known about the abuse at the time, and even now it was nothing more than speculation, but that didn’t excuse his actions. And since he could easily get laid almost any night of the week at the club, his insistence on seducing Jaime had been downright selfish. He was ashamed of what an asshole he’d been. “Ruth, I really hate it when you’re right.”
“I’m your big sister,” she said. “It’s all part of the job.”
CHAPTER 6
It was Sunday when Levi called him. Jaime saw the name on caller ID and didn’t answer. He was relieved when Levi didn’t leave a message. But an hour later, his phone was ringing again. Once again he ignored it, but he wasn’t surprised when Levi called a third time, later that night. This time, he answered, albeit reluctantly.
“Hello?”
“It’s Levi.”
“I know. What do you want?”
“Jaime, I’m sorry.”
“Now that you’ve spent the weekend working and surfing and
your psoas is acting up, I’m sure you are. Goodbye.”
“Wait, Jaime! That’s not what I meant.”
“I don’t believe you.”
Levi sighed. “I never meant to upset you. I really didn’t. I
mean, yes, I meant to hit on you, but I didn’t mean to scare you. And I never wanted to hurt you.”
Now that Jaime was really listening, he realized Levi did actually sound sincere. “The problem wasn’t just you hitting on me. It was that I asked you to stop—more than once—and you didn’t.”
“I know. And I should have. I mean I should never have started. It’s just I wanted to seduce you. Maybe it was wrong. It was definitely selfish. But it wasn’t malicious. I didn’t realize how upsetting it would be for you. And I’m sorry.”
Jaime hadn’t expected such a heartfelt apology. It took him a moment to answer. Of course, it hadn’t been malicious. He knew that. However, he was surprised Levi had apparently thought about the incident enough to recognize the real root of the problem. “Apology accepted,” he said. “Goodnight, Mr. Binder.”
“Jaime, wait!”
“What?” Jaime asked, although he was pretty sure he knew what was coming.
“Jaime, I’d really like to come back.”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“I promise, I won’t hit on you. I won’t touch you. I promise to be a perfect gentleman.”
Could he believe him? That was the question. On one hand, Levi sounded sincere, and Jaime hated to lose a client. On the other hand, Levi scared him. Not all the time. Not even most of the time. But when he made advances, Jaime felt all of his old fears circling him in the darkness, snapping at his heels, waiting for him to trip and fall so they could pounce on him and swallow him whole. “I’m not sure I want to take that chance,” he said. He could sense Levi’s disappointment, even over the phone, but he refused to be swayed by it. “Goodbye, Levi.”
* * *
He told himself over and over
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