Masquerade by Nyrae Dawn

shower is quick. My thoughts turned off like it’s so easy for me to do. Stoic, unemotional. People like my sister don’t get it, but closing myself off is how I make it through.
    Still, I find myself driving to Masquerade, when my brain is telling me not to. When I know how shitty I am to be around when I’m in a mood like this. Pretty soon she’s not going to take my shit and she’ll call this whole thing off. It’s only been a week and we’ve already gotten into it more than once.
    Maybe she should kick me out. What the hell am I doing here anyway?
    It doesn’t stop me from wanting it. From getting off my bike and walking to the door. I’m surprised to see the CLOSED sign is up. Glancing at my cell, I see it’s almost two, the time she said I should come in. I start to dial her number, but something makes me try the door instead.
    I squint when the door easily opens. She’s a smart girl. She pays attention and doesn’t let people get the drop on her. I didn’t expect Bee to leave the shop unlocked with the CLOSED sign up and the lights turned off inside.
    “Bee?” I call out.
    Her answer is immediate, but her voice softer, sadder than I’ve ever heard it. “Not in the mood, Scratch. Come back tomorrow.”
    This is where I walk out. I want to. I’m used to it. Has there ever been a time in my life when I didn’t walk away? Instead I go off instinct and flick the lock. If we’re going to be in the back, I don’t want anyone getting in.
    My muscles are tight and my brain is telling me I’m being a fucking idiot the whole time I walk down the hall, toward her office in the back.
    Bee’s sitting on a black couch wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt with slits in the sleeves. For the first time, she’s not wearing makeup. It doesn’t make her any less gorgeous, maybe younger and a little more innocent.
    The light in the room flashes off the small diamond in her nose.
    I’ve never been back here before. Boxes are everywhere. Next to her sits her cell phone.
    “I said not today. I’m in a shitty mood.”
    Her eyes are red and puffy like she’s been crying. For some reason, I can’t stop looking at them. Tears seem like such a foreign thing. They would be from me and they seem like they should be from her too. Mom always cried a lot. Laney too. I never wanted to deal with a woman’s tears. Still, I don’t turn around and leave. “That makes two of us. All the more reason we both need the distraction of Masquerade.”
    She picks up her phone, turning it over and over in her hand.
    “Distractions aren’t always a good thing. You have to face your life head-on and keep moving. No matter how confused you are or how much something hurts, you keep going.”
    I haven’t known her long, but those aren’t her words. “Whoever said that doesn’t know shit. They haven’t been through anything.”
    She sighs and looks up at me. “But she has. My family has been through worse things than I have, because they didn’t know what happened. They deal with it better than I do.”
    “What happened?” I squeeze the doorknob, shocked and pissed the question came out.
    “Nothing.”
    “I hung up on my mom not an hour ago. She was wrong, but me even more so. Not because of that. For… things I won’t tell you. Stuff I probably never will.” The words sound harsh but somehow I know she’ll understand them.
    For the first time, real, honest sadness shows on her face—in her eyes. Not because of me, but for whatever she’s dealing with. “And I’ll never ask. You’re lucky your mom is wrong sometimes. Mine never is. She’s perfect and loving and understanding, even though she doesn’t get me.”
    She bites her bottom lip, looking unsure.
    “And you’re not perfect. Neither am I. I’ll never give you shit for that. I get it.”
    This time, I can’t read the look she gives me, but I don’t have long to try. Bee pushes to her feet, slowly walking over to me. I notice the swells of her breasts from the