Mercury Rises by Robert Kroese Page B
Authors: Robert Kroese
Tags: Fiction, General, Humorous, Humorous fiction, Fantasy fiction, Fantasy, Contemporary, Journalists, Armageddon, Angels, Government investigators, End of the world, Women Journalists
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about leprechauns and the Easter Bunny as wormholes and other dimensions.
Lubbers narrowed his eyes at Jacob. "You're telling me," he said, "that it is your professional opinion that Anaheim Stadium was sucked through a portal to another dimension ?"
Jacob had to admit that when he phrased it like that, it did sound a little silly. "Sir," he said haltingly, "I have no professional opinion on the matter. I, uh, my expertise and experience fail me. What I'm offering you is an attempt at an assessment uncolored by prejudice. I'm shooting in the dark, sir. We all are."
"Well, Mr. Slater," said Lubbers, "you'd better hope to God that your alternate dimension exists, because that sort of fairy tale Star Trek bullshit sure as hell isn't going to fly in this one."
With that, he walked out of the trailer. The briefing was over.
EIGHT
circa 2,000 B.C.
"Well, this is ridiculous," observed Tiamat irritably. "We're going on, what, three weeks of rain now?"
Mercury nodded. "It'll be twenty-one days on Thursday."
"And no word from Nabu," she said. "We're running out of food."
Nabu had left four days earlier on a raft with three other men on an expedition to the mountains to the east in an attempt to scrounge up some food.
"OK, that's it," Tiamat said. "You need to go find out what's going on."
"Me?" asked Mercury. "What am I going to do? I don't know anybody in Weather."
"This is more than weather," said Tiamat. "This is a cataclysm. The Department of Weather might be involved, but they can't do something like this without approval from higher up. We need to go to the top and ask them what the hell they're trying to pull."
"And by 'we,'" said Mercury, "I assume you mean me."
"Well, I can't go, can I?" said Tiamat. "I've got a civilization to run." She motioned at the hundreds of bedraggled lumps of humanity huddling together under makeshift shelters. She and Mercury sat in comfort in a luxurious tent on the northwest corner of the ziggurat guarded by a dozen cherub henchmen.
"Wouldn't you rather take a little vacation at the Courts of the Most High?" Mercury asked. "The weather there is beautiful this time of year. I'm sure I can manage the civilization for a few days."
"No, no, it wouldn't do for me to leave my people," Tiamat said, watching an elderly woman struggling to cross a torrent of water that had formed where the rain poured off Tiamat's tent. "Move it, you old battle-ax! You're blocking the view! Also, there are some pending legal matters that make a visit to the Courts inconvenient for me at the present."
"Another outstanding warrant?" Mercury asked wearily.
"Don't judge me, Mercury," Tiamat snapped. "You don't know what it's like, trying to build a great civilization while abiding by all these ridiculous regulations. Did you know they've outlawed human sacrifice? How are the people supposed to express their devotion if they can't occasionally sacrifice one of their children to me?"
Mercury frowned. "Didn't you just have a child burned on an altar last week?"
"That was a mercy killing," Tiamat said. "He had a harelip."
"Many harelips live long and productive lives," Mercury replied.
"I know," said Tiamat, "but nobody could understand a word he said. It was very frustrating."
"I see," said Mercury.
"The point is," Tiamat went on, "I've got to sort out a few things down here before I can show my face in Heaven again. Those idiots at the Seraphic Civilization Shepherding Program keep trying to micromanage the situation down here, but they'll change their tune once Babylon is the greatest civilization on the Mundane Plane. All of my minor transgressions will be forgiven then. But until that happens..."
"You need me to be your go-between," said Mercury. "I got it."
The next day, Mercury made his way to the Megiddo Portal, which was some four hundred miles to the west. Traveling by air most of the way, it took him a little over two hours.
The Megiddo Portal was located on a small rock outcropping that
Lubbers narrowed his eyes at Jacob. "You're telling me," he said, "that it is your professional opinion that Anaheim Stadium was sucked through a portal to another dimension ?"
Jacob had to admit that when he phrased it like that, it did sound a little silly. "Sir," he said haltingly, "I have no professional opinion on the matter. I, uh, my expertise and experience fail me. What I'm offering you is an attempt at an assessment uncolored by prejudice. I'm shooting in the dark, sir. We all are."
"Well, Mr. Slater," said Lubbers, "you'd better hope to God that your alternate dimension exists, because that sort of fairy tale Star Trek bullshit sure as hell isn't going to fly in this one."
With that, he walked out of the trailer. The briefing was over.
EIGHT
circa 2,000 B.C.
"Well, this is ridiculous," observed Tiamat irritably. "We're going on, what, three weeks of rain now?"
Mercury nodded. "It'll be twenty-one days on Thursday."
"And no word from Nabu," she said. "We're running out of food."
Nabu had left four days earlier on a raft with three other men on an expedition to the mountains to the east in an attempt to scrounge up some food.
"OK, that's it," Tiamat said. "You need to go find out what's going on."
"Me?" asked Mercury. "What am I going to do? I don't know anybody in Weather."
"This is more than weather," said Tiamat. "This is a cataclysm. The Department of Weather might be involved, but they can't do something like this without approval from higher up. We need to go to the top and ask them what the hell they're trying to pull."
"And by 'we,'" said Mercury, "I assume you mean me."
"Well, I can't go, can I?" said Tiamat. "I've got a civilization to run." She motioned at the hundreds of bedraggled lumps of humanity huddling together under makeshift shelters. She and Mercury sat in comfort in a luxurious tent on the northwest corner of the ziggurat guarded by a dozen cherub henchmen.
"Wouldn't you rather take a little vacation at the Courts of the Most High?" Mercury asked. "The weather there is beautiful this time of year. I'm sure I can manage the civilization for a few days."
"No, no, it wouldn't do for me to leave my people," Tiamat said, watching an elderly woman struggling to cross a torrent of water that had formed where the rain poured off Tiamat's tent. "Move it, you old battle-ax! You're blocking the view! Also, there are some pending legal matters that make a visit to the Courts inconvenient for me at the present."
"Another outstanding warrant?" Mercury asked wearily.
"Don't judge me, Mercury," Tiamat snapped. "You don't know what it's like, trying to build a great civilization while abiding by all these ridiculous regulations. Did you know they've outlawed human sacrifice? How are the people supposed to express their devotion if they can't occasionally sacrifice one of their children to me?"
Mercury frowned. "Didn't you just have a child burned on an altar last week?"
"That was a mercy killing," Tiamat said. "He had a harelip."
"Many harelips live long and productive lives," Mercury replied.
"I know," said Tiamat, "but nobody could understand a word he said. It was very frustrating."
"I see," said Mercury.
"The point is," Tiamat went on, "I've got to sort out a few things down here before I can show my face in Heaven again. Those idiots at the Seraphic Civilization Shepherding Program keep trying to micromanage the situation down here, but they'll change their tune once Babylon is the greatest civilization on the Mundane Plane. All of my minor transgressions will be forgiven then. But until that happens..."
"You need me to be your go-between," said Mercury. "I got it."
The next day, Mercury made his way to the Megiddo Portal, which was some four hundred miles to the west. Traveling by air most of the way, it took him a little over two hours.
The Megiddo Portal was located on a small rock outcropping that
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