waiting at your house to talk to you. I told them that as soon as I found you I would bring you right home. We need to go.”
Rick drove me and then had two workers follow us there; one to drive my truck and the other to take the driver back to work.
For the entirety of the drive home all I could think about were Marissa’s final words to me.
“I’ll be watching out for you,” she had told me. I was so stupid to have believed that meant that she would be happily waiting for me to come home from work. If only I’d realized that her words meant something so much darker. Why had I been so stupid?
The police were parked at the curb; exiting the car at the same time I got out of Rick’s truck. After making the official next of kin notification to me, they had some basic questions. I told them that Marissa had been depressed, that she had a history of suicide attempts, then instructed them to direct any further questions about her mental status to her therapist since the doctor had been at my house this morning and had given the all clear on Marissa. She fooled us all because that’s what she wanted to do, and I felt completely numb.
The entire time I was talking to the police I was mentally preparing myself to break the news to Leah and Dominique.
My sister was going to be beyond devastated; there was no doubt of that. From the day that Leah and Marissa had met, they had formed a bond that had been forged in steel. Leah was younger than Marissa by a couple of years and I think that in some way she originally had been a substitute for Marissa’s stepsister. Of course a real bond grew out of that, but I think that’s how it started.
When Marissa had arrived at the foster home we were in, she had been in horrible shape. Beaten to within an inch of her life, she had been covered in cuts and bruises along with having both a broken arm and a sprained ankle. Leah had made it her mission to get Marissa to feel better. For a week she had walked ahead of Marissa so that she could rest her hands on Leah’s shoulders for balance as she got strength back in her ankle. All these years later I know that it was that experience that made Leah’s career choice for her. Her heart is an open book and helping children regain their strength is the only thing she’s ever wanted to do.
How the hell am I going to break her heart and tell her that the girl she’s loved as her other half for more than half of her life is gone?
Before they left, the police left me with instructions on how to collect Marissa’s remains from the coroner. I was told to choose a funeral home, and my mind was completely blown by that point. Her remains? The coroner, funeral homes, services? Hell was my new reality.
After the police left I sat in silence as my boss did everything he could to help me stay calm. On the outside I think that I looked reasonably composed. Inside, I was a mess of epic proportions. My entire world had been sucked into a sinkhole that went straight down to hell and I didn’t know what to do.
The idea of telling Leah and Dominique was so overwhelming that I was paralyzed with fear. It felt like once I told them that she’s gone it would make it real. Since I was the only person that she loved that knew what she had done, right then it was only real for me. I wished that I could somehow delay the inevitable and keep it that way until I could find a way to breathe without feeling like every breath was a struggle.
Sometime later, it could have been minutes or hours, the front door opened. For just a moment I had hope that maybe it would be her, that maybe everything I’d been told was wrong. Of course it wasn’t her, it was Leah coming to check on her.
Leah took one look at me sitting on the sofa looking like god knows what, then looked over at Rick, saw his expression, and buckled. I jumped and ran for her, catching her before she could hit the ground.
She yelled incoherently for a moment as I held her against me, her breathing
Rick drove me and then had two workers follow us there; one to drive my truck and the other to take the driver back to work.
For the entirety of the drive home all I could think about were Marissa’s final words to me.
“I’ll be watching out for you,” she had told me. I was so stupid to have believed that meant that she would be happily waiting for me to come home from work. If only I’d realized that her words meant something so much darker. Why had I been so stupid?
The police were parked at the curb; exiting the car at the same time I got out of Rick’s truck. After making the official next of kin notification to me, they had some basic questions. I told them that Marissa had been depressed, that she had a history of suicide attempts, then instructed them to direct any further questions about her mental status to her therapist since the doctor had been at my house this morning and had given the all clear on Marissa. She fooled us all because that’s what she wanted to do, and I felt completely numb.
The entire time I was talking to the police I was mentally preparing myself to break the news to Leah and Dominique.
My sister was going to be beyond devastated; there was no doubt of that. From the day that Leah and Marissa had met, they had formed a bond that had been forged in steel. Leah was younger than Marissa by a couple of years and I think that in some way she originally had been a substitute for Marissa’s stepsister. Of course a real bond grew out of that, but I think that’s how it started.
When Marissa had arrived at the foster home we were in, she had been in horrible shape. Beaten to within an inch of her life, she had been covered in cuts and bruises along with having both a broken arm and a sprained ankle. Leah had made it her mission to get Marissa to feel better. For a week she had walked ahead of Marissa so that she could rest her hands on Leah’s shoulders for balance as she got strength back in her ankle. All these years later I know that it was that experience that made Leah’s career choice for her. Her heart is an open book and helping children regain their strength is the only thing she’s ever wanted to do.
How the hell am I going to break her heart and tell her that the girl she’s loved as her other half for more than half of her life is gone?
Before they left, the police left me with instructions on how to collect Marissa’s remains from the coroner. I was told to choose a funeral home, and my mind was completely blown by that point. Her remains? The coroner, funeral homes, services? Hell was my new reality.
After the police left I sat in silence as my boss did everything he could to help me stay calm. On the outside I think that I looked reasonably composed. Inside, I was a mess of epic proportions. My entire world had been sucked into a sinkhole that went straight down to hell and I didn’t know what to do.
The idea of telling Leah and Dominique was so overwhelming that I was paralyzed with fear. It felt like once I told them that she’s gone it would make it real. Since I was the only person that she loved that knew what she had done, right then it was only real for me. I wished that I could somehow delay the inevitable and keep it that way until I could find a way to breathe without feeling like every breath was a struggle.
Sometime later, it could have been minutes or hours, the front door opened. For just a moment I had hope that maybe it would be her, that maybe everything I’d been told was wrong. Of course it wasn’t her, it was Leah coming to check on her.
Leah took one look at me sitting on the sofa looking like god knows what, then looked over at Rick, saw his expression, and buckled. I jumped and ran for her, catching her before she could hit the ground.
She yelled incoherently for a moment as I held her against me, her breathing
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