Monkey and Me by David Gilman

you.
    That’s called having a suspicious mind.
    Everything you Need to Know in the World says that chimpanzees are very intelligent creatures and prefer a balanced diet. Beans on toast is not considered part of their daily nourishment requirements. Fruit, nuts, seeds and insects is what they need for strong bones and healthy gums. I think I can manage everything except the insects – they can be difficult to catch in any quantity. Chimps prefer dense tropical rainforests but can also be found in secondary-growth forests, woodlands, bamboo forests, swamps, and even open savannah, the book tells me. That must be why he likes the old greenhouse, I bet it gets steaming hot in there during the day. I suppose I could always put Mum’s rubber plant in the bathroom for him and keep the shower going for some steam. Mum always says it’s like a sauna when I’m in there. And I could take him to Childwall Woods so he could do a bit of swinging on branches or I might be able to sneak him into Centre Parcs when we go on our holiday next year.
    I don’t think I can manage a bamboo forest, though, unless we could sneak him into the gardencentre one night – they’ve got a bit of a patch there. I bet Dad will think of something when I eventually make the introductions. I don’t know that there are too many swamps around here. The canal is a bit rough, what with all the junk thrown in it, so we might have to give up on the swamp idea. Other than that I think we could manage.
    Apparently, chimps can grow to over a metre tall and like being in family groups of five or six. That might work then. Once we get a better understanding between us I could bring him home and he could be like my younger brother. Then, with Mum and Dad and me and Mark, he would have the perfect family. But first I have to make sure that he would be happy with that arrangement. I don’t really know what chimpanzees think of us human beings. Everything you Need to Know in the World did tell me that chimpanzees are quite territorial and they like to have their own patch in the jungle, and that if anyone strays in or out of it, that can cause problems with their neighbours. I’m thinking of Mrs Tomkinson in these circumstances. I can just hear her screaming: “Get that flaming monkey off my washing line!” Suddenly I feel a great sense ofresponsibility towards him. He’s small, he’s scared and he needs help. He is also an endangered species. And I’m the only one who can save him.
    I’d made some progress. I got an extra banana in my lunchbox from Mum and that, with the apple from last night, was a start. Mark didn’t stop asking questions all the way to school. He thought I wasn’t, as he put it, traumatised enough. I should have been a gibbering idiot after seeing the monster and being trapped in the Black Gate.
    â€œI had terrible nightmares all night,” I told him.
    â€œReally?” he said. “Bad ones?” He seemed pleased.
    â€œThey were terrifying. I woke up sweating at least twice. The creature was really horrible. I don’t even want to talk about it, it was so scary.”
    â€œThat’s called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome,” Rocky said. “You’ll probably have those nightmares for the rest of your life. They never go away. Sometimes you’ll be walking down the street and you suddenly see the monster when he’s not really there.”
    â€œShut up, you!” Mark said.
    â€œIt’s a well-known fact that children can overcomestressful situations and lead a normal happy life,” Pete-the-Feet said.
    Skimp picked his nose and studied the results before flicking it away. “We breathe in all kinds of muck these days. Pollution is only one thing to worry about. Beanie might have inhaled alien spores. By the time we get to school they might be germinating inside him. He could become a hive, a carrier of unknown