Murder on the Orient Espresso by Sandra Balzo

Burmese pythons before the law was changed are grandfathered in and can keep the one – or more – they already have, assuming they get a “reptile of concern” permit.’
    One or
more
‘reptiles of concern’?
    â€˜Unfortunately,’ Missy continued, ‘permitted or not, if the snakes get so big they’re not cute anymore, people tend to dump them into the Everglades.’
    I was kind of stuck on her choice of ‘cute’ when describing snakes in general, but especially those that could realistically consider alligators ‘snack-size.’
    â€˜Isn’t that like … I don’t know, biological littering?’
    â€˜I suppose. And, maybe even worse, Hurricane Andrew back in ’ninety-two destroyed animal and reptile “breeding greenhouses” and pet stores, freeing their inhabitants. I’ve even heard there were panthers and monkeys and gazelles running free for a while. The panthers are encouraged – they’re a native species and quite rare – but the rest of the animals were rounded up, supposedly.’
    Supposedly. I knew where this was leading, unfortunately. ‘But the pythons are still out there.’
    â€˜Yes, a nearly eight-foot female was caught recently and she had eighty-seven eggs inside her, can you believe that? I’ve heard that we could have tens of thousands – even a hundred thousand – pythons slithering around the Everglades these days.’
    Missy looked west as I had, but kind of wistfully, I thought. ‘It’s very hard to be sure. What they do know is that reported sightings of white-tail deer have dropped by ninety-four percent, and the entire population of rabbits in the Everglades has been wiped out.’
    Jesus. ‘The pythons are eating them, too?’
    â€˜Yes, which you’d think would be good news for the alligators.’
    â€˜But it’s not? Good news, I mean.’
    â€˜No. Alligators eat rabbits and deer – in addition to birds, turtles and fish, of course – so both the alligators themselves and their food supply have been affected by the pythons.’
    Missy looked up from her work. ‘Did you know that nearly sixteen-hundred people signed up to hunt Burmese pythons last year to bring down their numbers? But all those hunters managed to kill only sixty-eight in a month. Apparently pythons are slippery devils.’
    Or their hunters didn’t have enough incentive. ‘Maybe they should send Fendi and Jimmy Choo in there after them,’ I said.
    â€˜For designer handbags and such?’ Missy looked thoughtful. ‘In fact, a couple of local places are paying fifty or a hundred dollars a snake. After processing and all, a custom-made python purse can bring, like, twelve hundred dollars, shoes easily a thousand, and jackets nearly five thousand.’
    Maybe I should go into the snake-catching business – or better yet, processing. ‘Word gets out and the pythons will be wiped out in no time.’
    â€˜That would be a very good thing,’ Missy said absently, her attention seemingly back on the banner.
    â€˜I’m sure the alligators would appreciate it.’ Not to mention Thumper. And Bambi.
    â€˜I’m sure they would,’ Missy said, looking up, ‘but I don’t want you to think there aren’t consequences for the pythons, too.’
    â€˜Beyond being turned into Giorgio Armani stilettos?’
    â€˜No, no,’ Missy said, a little impatient with me. ‘I was talking about the snakes eating alligators, especially after they’ve had a big meal of their own. If you go on YouTube you can probably pull up photos and even a video or two of some pythons that have exploded during the digestive process.’
    Oh, my. In my head, I’d been visiting the designer shoe floor of Barney’s – and actually being able to afford something – and here was Missy yanking me back to the smorgasbord