My Dear Stranger by Sarah Ann Walker Page B

resurfaced.  Just beautiful love-making occurred as hours were spent together. 
With His hands so gentle on my body, I screamed my climax as I kissed my stranger and groped at His flesh.  Nothing could have been more perfect last night.
Sometime later, holding me tightly against His chest my stranger leaned on His side and carried a flower up the back of my thighs, across my backside, as He gently caressed my bare skin.  Placing the flower against my lips, I turned and kissed Him with such passion, I felt my heart actually swell within my chest.
After long soothing kisses, I felt my body growing weak as my eyes grew heavy.  And after receiving one last sweet kiss from my stranger, I fell quickly asleep in His arms. 
      When I awoke this morning I felt the same momentary loneliness and confusion following all His visits.  As always my heart ached for His delicate touch and soft kisses.  Confused, I panicked for a moment wondering if He had come to me at all, or had the memories been merely another dream of Him in the night.
However, when I picked up my folded nightdress, a sweet smelling flower fell from the silk and I knew my dear stranger had come for me, as He would again soon.
February 1999
18 years old                                                                              
     
     
      And those were our times together.  Countless.  Endless.  I was only 18 years old but I made love like an adult.  I never suffered the backseat shame my friends did.  I never lived through the drunken debacles of my peers.  I was a teenage woman who made love with her adult lover.
      And no one knew.  I was the pretty, popular, smart, fun girl who got drunk at college parties but kept her legs tightly closed.  I was a challenge to some and a mystery to others.  I was Sadie who didn’t put out, but had fun regardless.     
      I lived in a strange world where everyone thought I was a prude and a certified virgin for life, but I knew the truth.  I was loved and adored.  I was a woman who understood passion with a man, and making love with a soul mate.
     
      And then my world ended.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    CHAPTER 6
     
     
     
     
    After the Attack
    After the attack he walked away with a clean conscience and dirty hands,
While I crawled painfully in dirt.
I begged, he laughed.
He taunted, I screamed.
I fought, he won.
He was victorious, I died.

After the attack he was left with satisfaction and hate filled denial.
While I was left with a desperate reality to deny.
I pleaded, he punched.
He hit, I hurt.
I struggled, he oppressed.
He was victorious, I died.

After the attack he stood and walked easily away with a grin,
While I was left to walk without ease covered in his sin.
I detested, he loved.
He adored, I hated.
I begged, he deafened.
He was victorious, I died.

 
    After the attack few words were spoken but horrendous thoughts threatened,
While I lay in silence and neighbors listened.
I tired, he strengthened.
He overpowered, I cried.
I decayed, he replenished.
He was victorious, I died.

 
    After the attack he began a new loveless challenge,
While I contemplated my new loveless existence.
 
    After the attack, he was victorious... as I died.
And now I am no more than a small broken i.
    August 1999
    19 years old
 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
      If only my sad words had been able to adequately express how I had really felt that day.  If only those sad words on the tear-stained page could have adequately expressed the absolute anguish I had felt.  If only I could’ve told people what that day had really been like for me.  But I didn’t have the words for the people.  And I didn’t have the words to write on paper.  There were no words I