My Ears Are Bent

My Ears Are Bent by Joseph Mitchell

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Authors: Joseph Mitchell
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accident. Her mother just fell off the running board over at the Star and Garter.’”
    A “running board” is the runway extending out into the audience on which the chorus prances. They are not permitted in New York City any more.
    The Women’s League Against Everything thinks they are awful.
2. N UDE , D EFINITELY N UDE
    When anything gets as popular as the strip-tease act someone always comes along and tries to do the reverse of it. One morning Mr. Samuel J. Burger telephoned my office that he had just begun to manage “a Chicago dame, and my God, she’s so unusual she’s got me nuts.” I did not feel well that morning, so I was sent up to interview her. Mr. Burger is a thin, inspired, wax-mustached Broadway promoter who books for vaudeville such spectacles as the juries of murder trials, the relatives of murdered criminals, bubble dancers and Indian mind readers.
    His latest attraction turned out to be a shy young woman with a business school education, a giggle and a pair of hosiery-ad gams. She was nineteen years old and her name was Jan Marsh. We met her in a theatrical hotel, and she demonstrated her act.
    “I may be nuts.” she said, slipping out of her dress, “but I think I have an act which will ruin the strip-tease racket.”
    She tossed her dress on the arm of a chair, and then she took off her shoes and stockings. Then she took off an assortment of black lace undergarments.
    “Now look,” she said, unnecessarily. “This is the way I start my act. I begin where the strip-tease ends. I am nude, definitely nude. Oh, definitely. I come out in front of the audience in that condition. I slipon my black lace panties. Then I put on a garter belt. Then I slip on my black net stockings. Black is such a fascinating color. Then I get into my shoes. Then I get into my dress, a zipper dress, the kind of dress they call a taxicab dress. Then I pin on a corsage of flowers, orchids maybe. Then I put on my coat and hat. Then I put on another coat, maybe two or three coats. I just keep on getting into clothes until the audience begins to moan. I put on maybe a ton of clothes. I may be nuts, definitely nuts, but I think my act will ruin the strip-tease racket, which I think would be a great service to my country.”
    Miss Marsh grinned. Then she executed a few dance steps.
    “Of course,” she said, “when I begin the act I am as nude as any tease stripper. Definitely.”
    “She does it all for art,” said Mr. Burger.
    “That is right,” said Miss Marsh. “I do it for art and I don’t mean I have a boy friend by the name of Art. I have seen the enormous success of these voluptuous strip-tease women, but I do not think the public is really interested in that kind of thing. I am a sweet, natural girl. I am not like those bouncy women. I think that when I do the reverse of the strip-tease it will be enormously popular and will start a new movement. I don’t smoke or drink. Of course, if I liked the way it tasted I would, but I think whiskey is horrible. I am a good swimmer. I am justa natural American girl, and I think the public would prefer that to one of those bouncy women.”
    Miss Marsh said she was born in South Amboy, New Jersey, but that the family moved to Chicago when she was a child. Her mother and her father are divorced. She said her mother knows that she came to New York City to ruin the strip-tease racket and does not mind. She said she went to Chicago High School, then to Drake’s Business College. Then she got a job as a secretary to a woman who worked for the city.
    “She was in the tax department, or something,” said Miss Marsh.
    The young woman said that when she was younger she used to pose for artists.
    “I like to pose for artists,” she said. “They are so serious. You stand in front of them nude for hours, but they do not take any interest in you except from an artistic standpoint, which I like. You are just an inspiration to them. I am not a wild girl. I do not even approve of

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