absence, for one.”
“ Ex -boyfriend.”
“Whatever. And Taylor acting all weird and twitchy.”
“I didn’t notice,” I said. As if I hadn’t been watching Taylor’s every move.
Ruthie looked at me. “Are you serious? She was biting her nails the whole time. I’d be surprised if she had any left.”
“She can bite off her arms for all I care.”
“Tell me how you really feel.”
I knew I sounded bitter, but I didn’t care. I kept going with my story, knowing that when I got to the worst part—the part I’d suddenly remembered when Jarrod was handing me the waffle cone—my sister would go ape. Or catatonic with shock. The last thing I expected was laughter. Ruthie laughed so hard, in fact, she choked, and the half-chewed chocolate in her mouth went flying out onto the floor.
“What’s so funny?” I demanded. “He pulled down his pants while he was driving . In the middle of the Merritt Parkway ! He wanted me to touch it!”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s not funny, it’s just—”
“There is nothing remotely funny about this, Ruthie! I am in the hospital . I’m … Look at me! My face is … WOULD YOU STOP EATING THOSE STUPID THINGS?!”
I ripped the box of chocolates out of my sister’s hands. Then, without thinking, I popped one in my mouth.
Ruthie blinked at me. “Oh my God.”
“What?”
“You’re eating candy.”
“So?”
“You don’t eat candy, like, ever.”
I shrugged. Ruthie was right. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten candy. Or anything fattening. Now, grabbing an Enzo’s Bakery box off the bedside table, I imagined what my mother would say if she could see me. Remember, Alexa. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. Or, Nothing tastes as good as looking good feels.
Normally, those words would stop me cold. But right now, the sugar crystals on these blueberry muffins were twinkling like stars. For the past eight days, all I’d been eating was yogurt and oatmeal. “Screw it,” I said, lifting a muffin out of the box and shoving the whole thing in my mouth. My jaw hurt, but the taste was worth it.
“Nice,” Ruthie said.
Ruthie, who’d never dieted a day in her life, never counted a calorie or a fat gram, never scooped out the guts of a bagel and eaten just the shell. My sister had no idea how lucky she was. She could wear what she wanted, eat what she wanted, and my mother wouldn’t say a word. Ruthie was “the smart one,” “the gifted one.” The rules didn’t apply to her.
“So,” Ruthie said, getting back to the matter at hand. “ Did you touch it?”
I shook my head. My mouth was one huge, sweet, cakey gob of muffin, juicy with berries. I couldn’t swallow.
“Take your time,” she said.
Finally, my throat was clear. “He kept trying to make me, but I kept pulling my hand away. We got in this huge fight. He called me a tease, and I was like, ‘All I wanted was a ride home, five blocks, not some joyride across Connecticut,’ and the whole time he was still trying to grab my hand and put it on his … you know … God, what an idiot.”
My sister snorted. “I can think of a lot stronger words than idiot to describe Jarrod LeFevre.”
“Not Jarrod. Me.” Suddenly, my eyeballs were burning, but I wouldn’t let the tears fall. Instead, I blurted, “I took off my seat belt! In the middle of the Merritt! I took off my seat belt and opened the door and—”
“Wait a second.” Ruthie cut me off. “You opened the door… of a moving car ?”
“No! … I mean, yes, but it’s not what you think. I wasn’t really going to jump. I was just threatening to … you know, to get him to leave me alone … but he must have thought I was serious because he kept yelling, ‘Shut the door! Shut the door!’ And I couldn’t … I tried, but we were going too fast … I didn’t want to fall out.” I shook my head, pounding my thigh with one fist. “Idiot!”
“Listen to me,” Ruthie said firmly. “You are not an
“ Ex -boyfriend.”
“Whatever. And Taylor acting all weird and twitchy.”
“I didn’t notice,” I said. As if I hadn’t been watching Taylor’s every move.
Ruthie looked at me. “Are you serious? She was biting her nails the whole time. I’d be surprised if she had any left.”
“She can bite off her arms for all I care.”
“Tell me how you really feel.”
I knew I sounded bitter, but I didn’t care. I kept going with my story, knowing that when I got to the worst part—the part I’d suddenly remembered when Jarrod was handing me the waffle cone—my sister would go ape. Or catatonic with shock. The last thing I expected was laughter. Ruthie laughed so hard, in fact, she choked, and the half-chewed chocolate in her mouth went flying out onto the floor.
“What’s so funny?” I demanded. “He pulled down his pants while he was driving . In the middle of the Merritt Parkway ! He wanted me to touch it!”
“I’m sorry. You’re right. It’s not funny, it’s just—”
“There is nothing remotely funny about this, Ruthie! I am in the hospital . I’m … Look at me! My face is … WOULD YOU STOP EATING THOSE STUPID THINGS?!”
I ripped the box of chocolates out of my sister’s hands. Then, without thinking, I popped one in my mouth.
Ruthie blinked at me. “Oh my God.”
“What?”
“You’re eating candy.”
“So?”
“You don’t eat candy, like, ever.”
I shrugged. Ruthie was right. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d eaten candy. Or anything fattening. Now, grabbing an Enzo’s Bakery box off the bedside table, I imagined what my mother would say if she could see me. Remember, Alexa. A moment on the lips, forever on the hips. Or, Nothing tastes as good as looking good feels.
Normally, those words would stop me cold. But right now, the sugar crystals on these blueberry muffins were twinkling like stars. For the past eight days, all I’d been eating was yogurt and oatmeal. “Screw it,” I said, lifting a muffin out of the box and shoving the whole thing in my mouth. My jaw hurt, but the taste was worth it.
“Nice,” Ruthie said.
Ruthie, who’d never dieted a day in her life, never counted a calorie or a fat gram, never scooped out the guts of a bagel and eaten just the shell. My sister had no idea how lucky she was. She could wear what she wanted, eat what she wanted, and my mother wouldn’t say a word. Ruthie was “the smart one,” “the gifted one.” The rules didn’t apply to her.
“So,” Ruthie said, getting back to the matter at hand. “ Did you touch it?”
I shook my head. My mouth was one huge, sweet, cakey gob of muffin, juicy with berries. I couldn’t swallow.
“Take your time,” she said.
Finally, my throat was clear. “He kept trying to make me, but I kept pulling my hand away. We got in this huge fight. He called me a tease, and I was like, ‘All I wanted was a ride home, five blocks, not some joyride across Connecticut,’ and the whole time he was still trying to grab my hand and put it on his … you know … God, what an idiot.”
My sister snorted. “I can think of a lot stronger words than idiot to describe Jarrod LeFevre.”
“Not Jarrod. Me.” Suddenly, my eyeballs were burning, but I wouldn’t let the tears fall. Instead, I blurted, “I took off my seat belt! In the middle of the Merritt! I took off my seat belt and opened the door and—”
“Wait a second.” Ruthie cut me off. “You opened the door… of a moving car ?”
“No! … I mean, yes, but it’s not what you think. I wasn’t really going to jump. I was just threatening to … you know, to get him to leave me alone … but he must have thought I was serious because he kept yelling, ‘Shut the door! Shut the door!’ And I couldn’t … I tried, but we were going too fast … I didn’t want to fall out.” I shook my head, pounding my thigh with one fist. “Idiot!”
“Listen to me,” Ruthie said firmly. “You are not an
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