disgraceful!’
‘Oh, buzz off before I order them to drown you!’ exclaimed Marina crossly, and purred to the oncoming swimmers: ‘Darlings, you’re terribly sweet but you’ve missed – quite literally – the boat. Punt on, mystery-man.’
I shot the boat forward. Charley and the swimmers were left behind as I furiously propelled the punt towards the moonlit silhouette of Clare bridge.
‘Stop!’ commanded Marina as we sped beneath the arch. ‘I want to feast my eyes on King’s College Chapel.’
I braked as dexterously as I could and tried to concentrate on drawing alongside the bank without a bump, but I was distracted by the sight of Marina’s unsuccessful attempts to pull up her dress. Something had broken at the low neckline and her breasts kept falling out.
‘I can’t get my bosom to behave itself,’ she said, ‘but you don’t mind, do you?’
‘Not in the least.’
‘Introduce yourself. You fascinate me.’
‘Nick Darrow.’
What’s your connection with that ghastly prig Charley Ashworth?’
‘Our fathers are pals.’
‘Oh God, how awkward for you – I inevitably loathe all the offspring of my parents’ friends. Where do you come from?’ ‘A village near Starbridge.’
‘Good heavens – in that case why haven’t we met? I thought I knew absolutely everyone in the Starbridge area as the result of my visits to Granny in the Cathedral Close. Darrow, Darrow, Darrow ... No, I don’t know that name. Now extraordinary.’
‘Your grandmother knew my mother. My mother’s maiden name was Barton-Woods.’
‘Ah well, of course I’ve heard that name before — isn’t there a rather heavenly manor house at Starrington Magna? And — gosh, wait a minute! Is your father the holy man who lives on communion wafers in a wood?’
‘He’s a priest who lives quietly in retirement.’
‘Exactly! Granny’s told me all about him. Are you reading divinity in order to follow in his footsteps?’
‘Yep.’
‘How sad — another good man lost to the Church!’
‘Don’t knock the Church too hard,’ I said, trying to work out where I could park the pole so that I could have both hands free to grab her breasts. ‘It could be in your future.’
Instantly she was enthralled. ‘You sound as if you tell fortunes!’
‘Of course I tell fortunes!’ I said, and as I spoke a vision of how I could succeed with the sirens unfolded before my eyes. But still I couldn’t work out where to park the pole.
Meanwhile Marina was stretching out her right hand and demanding: ‘Read my palm!’ as her breasts appeared to float magically towards me in the moonlight.
‘I don’t go in for palmistry,’ I said. ‘I just tune into the vibrations.’ And still clutching the pole with one hand I grasped her proffered fingers with the other. By this time my erection was so uncomfortable that I thought I might have to jump into the river to get my genitals under control.
‘Go on — spill the beans!’ said Marina impatiently. ‘How’s the Church going to be in my future?’
I had no idea but I remembered the grandmother who lived in the Cathedral Close.
‘I see you living in the shadow of a great cathedral,’ I invented, taking care to speak in portentous tones. ‘Impossible! I never stay with Granny nowadays, there’s no time, I simply drop in occasionally.’
‘Nevertheless I see that long shadow cast by the cathedral — and I see a man in your life there.’
‘There are always men in my life everywhere!’ she said fractiously, and as she spoke I detected a touch of boredom with the male sex, perhaps even a trace of disappointment.
‘This’ll be a special man,’ I said, clued in by her tone of voice and deducing that the average panting male left her cold. Really, fortune-telling’s so easy that I can’t think why more people don’t do it. All you have to do is put up a mental aerial to receive the unspoken signals and then wait for the subject to give herself away.
The only
‘Oh, buzz off before I order them to drown you!’ exclaimed Marina crossly, and purred to the oncoming swimmers: ‘Darlings, you’re terribly sweet but you’ve missed – quite literally – the boat. Punt on, mystery-man.’
I shot the boat forward. Charley and the swimmers were left behind as I furiously propelled the punt towards the moonlit silhouette of Clare bridge.
‘Stop!’ commanded Marina as we sped beneath the arch. ‘I want to feast my eyes on King’s College Chapel.’
I braked as dexterously as I could and tried to concentrate on drawing alongside the bank without a bump, but I was distracted by the sight of Marina’s unsuccessful attempts to pull up her dress. Something had broken at the low neckline and her breasts kept falling out.
‘I can’t get my bosom to behave itself,’ she said, ‘but you don’t mind, do you?’
‘Not in the least.’
‘Introduce yourself. You fascinate me.’
‘Nick Darrow.’
What’s your connection with that ghastly prig Charley Ashworth?’
‘Our fathers are pals.’
‘Oh God, how awkward for you – I inevitably loathe all the offspring of my parents’ friends. Where do you come from?’ ‘A village near Starbridge.’
‘Good heavens – in that case why haven’t we met? I thought I knew absolutely everyone in the Starbridge area as the result of my visits to Granny in the Cathedral Close. Darrow, Darrow, Darrow ... No, I don’t know that name. Now extraordinary.’
‘Your grandmother knew my mother. My mother’s maiden name was Barton-Woods.’
‘Ah well, of course I’ve heard that name before — isn’t there a rather heavenly manor house at Starrington Magna? And — gosh, wait a minute! Is your father the holy man who lives on communion wafers in a wood?’
‘He’s a priest who lives quietly in retirement.’
‘Exactly! Granny’s told me all about him. Are you reading divinity in order to follow in his footsteps?’
‘Yep.’
‘How sad — another good man lost to the Church!’
‘Don’t knock the Church too hard,’ I said, trying to work out where I could park the pole so that I could have both hands free to grab her breasts. ‘It could be in your future.’
Instantly she was enthralled. ‘You sound as if you tell fortunes!’
‘Of course I tell fortunes!’ I said, and as I spoke a vision of how I could succeed with the sirens unfolded before my eyes. But still I couldn’t work out where to park the pole.
Meanwhile Marina was stretching out her right hand and demanding: ‘Read my palm!’ as her breasts appeared to float magically towards me in the moonlight.
‘I don’t go in for palmistry,’ I said. ‘I just tune into the vibrations.’ And still clutching the pole with one hand I grasped her proffered fingers with the other. By this time my erection was so uncomfortable that I thought I might have to jump into the river to get my genitals under control.
‘Go on — spill the beans!’ said Marina impatiently. ‘How’s the Church going to be in my future?’
I had no idea but I remembered the grandmother who lived in the Cathedral Close.
‘I see you living in the shadow of a great cathedral,’ I invented, taking care to speak in portentous tones. ‘Impossible! I never stay with Granny nowadays, there’s no time, I simply drop in occasionally.’
‘Nevertheless I see that long shadow cast by the cathedral — and I see a man in your life there.’
‘There are always men in my life everywhere!’ she said fractiously, and as she spoke I detected a touch of boredom with the male sex, perhaps even a trace of disappointment.
‘This’ll be a special man,’ I said, clued in by her tone of voice and deducing that the average panting male left her cold. Really, fortune-telling’s so easy that I can’t think why more people don’t do it. All you have to do is put up a mental aerial to receive the unspoken signals and then wait for the subject to give herself away.
The only
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