Nanny Piggins and the Race to Power 8 by R. A. Spratt Page A

said Nanny Piggins. ‘Posing as a Drill Sergeant does sound fun, but I already have a full schedule posing for a giant marzipan statue.’
    ‘We’ll make it worth your while,’ said the Colonel.
    ‘How?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    The Colonel nodded at the Drill Sergeant meaningfully.
    ‘We’ll buy you a chocolate cake,’ said the Drill Sergeant. He’d clearly been coached in what to say.
    ‘Deal!’ exclaimed Nanny Piggins, leaping to her feet and shaking both men by the hand. ‘I was worried for a moment you were going to offer me a medal, which would have been a tremendous honour, but I couldn’t have accepted it. I wouldn’t have liked to pin anything through my dress because it’s silk, you see.’
    ‘So will you come with me right away?’ asked the Drill Sergeant.
    ‘Of course,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I’ll just use the photocopier in Mr Green’s office to make a photocopy of my face. That will give Piers a good visual reference to be going on with. Then I’m all yours.’
    ‘You lucky man,’ sighed the Colonel.
    ‘But what about us?’ said Derrick.
    ‘Who will look after us if you go off and join the army?’ asked Samantha.
    ‘You’re coming with me,’ said Nanny Piggins, surprised that they had ever thought otherwise. ‘You’ll be my assistants.’
    ‘The army doesn’t normally allow under-age recruits,’ said the Drill Sergeant.
    ‘Pish,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘We’ll just lie about their age and say they are unnaturally short due to chocolate deficiency in their diet when they were babies. If anyone questions it we’ll accuse them of discrimination against the chocolate deprived.’

    And so Nanny Piggins and the children got in the Drill Sergeant’s jeep and were driven off to a remote training base deep in the forest. The base consisted of several long corrugated iron barracks, a parade ground, a shooting range and lots of tricky obstacle courses, and exercise equipment for training fit young men to become even fitter young men, with a total disregard for their own safety. When the jeep pulled up the raw recruits were lined up ready for Nanny Piggins to inspect them. They were an intimidating sight: twelve athletic young men, all immaculately dressed in khaki and standing at attention. They did not look wishy-washy with their buzz cuts and obvious brawn.
    ‘What do I do first?’ whispered Nanny Piggins to the Drill Sergeant.
    ‘Traditionally,’ said the Drill Sergeant, ‘a Drill Sergeant starts out by saying lots of mean things about how the men are useless good-for-nothings. Then you go along and give each of them a horrible nickname.’
    ‘Why?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘There are twelve of them,’ said the Drill Sergeant. ‘It’s hard remembering all their real names.’
    ‘All right,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘I think I can handle that.’
    She stepped forward and looked the first man up and down, then walked along the line, tapping each soldier on the chest as she renamed him. ‘Victor, Bridge, Crevasse, Michelangelo, Reef, Thunder, Vincent, Hadrian, Vincello, Tub, Peregrine and Thor – they are your new nicknames.’
    Nanny Piggins walked back to where the children were standing.
    ‘But they’re all names of characters from The Young and the Irritable ,’ whispered Derrick.
    ‘I know,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘I thought it would give them some inspiring role models to live up to.’
    Nanny Piggins turned to face the men, using her fiercest glower. ‘I understand that you have all been very naughty boys,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘You have been ignoring your Drill Sergeant.’
    Several of the soldiers sniggered.
    ‘You think it’s funny to ignore a man who has dedicated his life to training soldiers so that they don’t get blown up in battle?’ snapped Nanny Piggins.
    ‘No, I think it’s funny that you called us naughty boys,’ said Vincello.
    Now all the other soldiers sniggered.
    ‘Are you laughing at me?’ asked Nanny Piggins.
    ‘Yes,’