Nanny Piggins and the Race to Power 8 by R. A. Spratt Page B

laughed Vincello.
    ‘Right,’ said Nanny Piggins. ‘Do any of you think you can run faster than me?’
    The men laughed again. ‘Of course we do,’ said Vincello. ‘You’re only four feet tall.’
    ‘And you’re wearing a dress,’ added Peregrine.
    ‘I suspected that would be your attitude,’ said Nanny Piggins. She turned to the children. ‘Michael, please produce the cake I made earlier.’
    ‘Yes, Nanny Piggins,’ said Michael as he obediently opened her expansive handbag and produced a beautiful chocolate mud cake, so sweet and sticky that it glistened in the sun.
    A gentle wind blew across the parade ground and wafted the smell of the heavenly cake in the direction of the men.
    Several of the men groaned with longing, some even said, ‘Cawww, look at that!’
    ‘This cake is the reward for the first man to catch me,’ said Nanny Piggins.
    ‘So we have to chase you, and if we catch you, you’ll give us that cake?’ clarified Vincello.
    ‘That’s right,’ confirmed Nanny Piggins.
    ‘When do we start?’ asked Thor.
    ‘Look over there!’ exclaimed Nanny Piggins. ‘The General is giving away free computer games!’
    The men turned to look and when they turned back Nanny Piggins was sprinting down the road carrying the cake.
    The men realised they had been tricked and ran after her. And that is how Nanny Piggins enticed the men into doing their first 30 mile route march. They chased her all day and into the night, not realising that Nanny Piggins had actually hidden up a tree as soon as she was out of sight, eaten the cake herself and gone back to the base for a lie down and a game of cards with the children.
    At eight o’clock that night, she took pity on the men and drove out in a truck to fetch them.
    ‘So where’s our cake?’ asked Vincello. (He was too exhausted to snigger now.)
    ‘I ate it,’ said Nanny Piggins truthfully. ‘I knew you wouldn’t catch me.’
    ‘Awww, that’s not fair,’ complained Bridge. (He particularly liked cake.)
    ‘All’s fair in love and cake,’ said Nanny Piggins.
    ‘I think the expression is “All’s fair in love and war”,’ corrected Crevasse. (He was a bookish soldier.)
    ‘That may be what humans say,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘but we pigs say “all’s fair in love and cake” because cake baking is much more brutal and cut-throat than any war. Now come along, back to the barracks. I’ll have another exercise for you tomorrow and you can have another chance to get a cake then.’

    The next morning the men were awoken by Nanny Piggins standing in the middle of the barracks, banging a ladle on a saucepan. ‘Wake up, wake up,’ she ordered.
    ‘What’s going on?’ asked Thor.
    ‘Today you are going to learn rope climbing,’ declared Nanny Piggins.
    ‘Stuff that, I’m going back to bed,’ said Vincello.
    ‘Very well,’ said Nanny Piggins, ‘but first you might like to have a look at this. Samantha, show them today’s cake.’
    Samantha opened a cake box to reveal a beautiful caramel glacé angel cake. A cake so good it smelt like it had descended from heaven. It was fresh out of the oven, and the only thing that smells better than cake is warm cake. And the only thing that smells better than warm cake is warm cake covered in runny caramel glacé.
    The men all got out of bed and some even started lunging for the cake (for which we must not judge them too harshly. They had missed their dinner the night before and were yet to have their breakfast. So they were practically delirious with cake longing). Luckily Boris was on hand to act as bodyguard to the cake.
    ‘A-a-ah,’ warned Boris, standing between the men and the cake. ‘Now, unlike my sister I do not believe in violence. But I do believe in sitting on people who don’t do as they are told, and I am a little bigger-boned than the average human –’ This was Boris’ way of saying he weighed 700 kilograms – ‘so if I sat on you, you might not find it comfortable.’
    ‘The