expected you to say.” We hadn’t made love recently because of the miles between us, but he seemed to have a good time whenever we did. “If you prefer men, doesn’t that mean you’re gay?”
“I need you as much as I need cock. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted. I just didn’t think you would understand how I felt.” He brought his eyes back to mine. “I can’t even get it up for another woman. I honestly think I would be gay if I’d never met you.” He ran his hands over his short hair. “I’m in a no-win situation.”
My head spun with all of the new information. Had I really been enough for him except for my lack of external plumbing? “Have you been with other people since we broke up?” I wanted to retract the question as soon as it left my mouth.
He nodded gently. “I’ve fooled around with a couple of guys, haven’t gone all the way, though. I guess I thought, if I did, I’d never have another chance with you.”
I could see the glimmer of hope in Ethan’s eyes. “What do you want?” I asked quietly, afraid of his answer. There was a time I would have done anything he asked; I was worried that might still be the case.
“Would you consider having an open relationship with me?” I could barely hear his whisper over the chatter of the breakfast crowd. “I wouldn’t be with any other women, just guys.”
I didn’t completely understand what he was getting at—or maybe I just didn’t want to believe it. “So, you could sleep with whomever you want?”
“Yes, but just men. You’d be the only woman.” His distinction didn’t make a difference to me. The thought of him being intimate with anyone else, male or female, made me sick.
“Would you be in a committed relationship with another man, or just sleep with random guys? Would I be a part of that relationship, like a three-way?” I don’t know why I asked because I wasn’t considering his proposal. My self-worth hadn’t completely bounced back from the damage he’d already done. I wouldn’t survive if he fell in love with one of his partners and left me again.
“I hadn’t really thought about it. Would you want to be with other people, too?” He took a stuttering breath. “Although it’s hypocritical of me, the thought of you being with someone else makes my stomach hurt. I want to be your first, last, and only lover.”
“It’s too late for that.” I regretted my knee-jerk reaction. He was sharing his deepest feelings with me, and I’d slapped him in the face. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to tell you, but I have been with someone else in the time we’ve been apart.”
His expression fell. “Are you over me?” he asked sadly.
“Not completely,” I admitted. “I’ll probably always love you.” I studied my hands. “The next time I’m in a relationship, it will be with someone who wants me more than anyone else. I wasn’t your first choice, so I can’t make you mine.”
“I still love you,” he confessed.
“Just not enough,” I quietly finished his thought with the words he wouldn’t say. His somber expression told me everything I needed to know. The last of my hope for reconciliation evaporated into thin air and took with it a weight that had rested on my chest for months. I could finally take a deep breath, and it felt amazing. I was strong enough to live without him, and I wouldn’t settle for less than I deserved.
“We can be friends,” I offered. I didn’t want to lose him completely. We’d spent most of our lives together. He was a part of me, whether I liked it or not.
“Friends with benefits?” He waggled a brow at me in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“Nice try,” I said with a laugh.
I fiddled with my breakfast, trying to ignore the pained look that had briefly returned to his eyes.
“Oh, did I tell you I ran into Kristy Henderson a while back?” he asked.
I shook my head and shuddered in response. Kristy had been my nemesis since kindergarten. Even though
“I need you as much as I need cock. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted. I just didn’t think you would understand how I felt.” He brought his eyes back to mine. “I can’t even get it up for another woman. I honestly think I would be gay if I’d never met you.” He ran his hands over his short hair. “I’m in a no-win situation.”
My head spun with all of the new information. Had I really been enough for him except for my lack of external plumbing? “Have you been with other people since we broke up?” I wanted to retract the question as soon as it left my mouth.
He nodded gently. “I’ve fooled around with a couple of guys, haven’t gone all the way, though. I guess I thought, if I did, I’d never have another chance with you.”
I could see the glimmer of hope in Ethan’s eyes. “What do you want?” I asked quietly, afraid of his answer. There was a time I would have done anything he asked; I was worried that might still be the case.
“Would you consider having an open relationship with me?” I could barely hear his whisper over the chatter of the breakfast crowd. “I wouldn’t be with any other women, just guys.”
I didn’t completely understand what he was getting at—or maybe I just didn’t want to believe it. “So, you could sleep with whomever you want?”
“Yes, but just men. You’d be the only woman.” His distinction didn’t make a difference to me. The thought of him being intimate with anyone else, male or female, made me sick.
“Would you be in a committed relationship with another man, or just sleep with random guys? Would I be a part of that relationship, like a three-way?” I don’t know why I asked because I wasn’t considering his proposal. My self-worth hadn’t completely bounced back from the damage he’d already done. I wouldn’t survive if he fell in love with one of his partners and left me again.
“I hadn’t really thought about it. Would you want to be with other people, too?” He took a stuttering breath. “Although it’s hypocritical of me, the thought of you being with someone else makes my stomach hurt. I want to be your first, last, and only lover.”
“It’s too late for that.” I regretted my knee-jerk reaction. He was sharing his deepest feelings with me, and I’d slapped him in the face. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to tell you, but I have been with someone else in the time we’ve been apart.”
His expression fell. “Are you over me?” he asked sadly.
“Not completely,” I admitted. “I’ll probably always love you.” I studied my hands. “The next time I’m in a relationship, it will be with someone who wants me more than anyone else. I wasn’t your first choice, so I can’t make you mine.”
“I still love you,” he confessed.
“Just not enough,” I quietly finished his thought with the words he wouldn’t say. His somber expression told me everything I needed to know. The last of my hope for reconciliation evaporated into thin air and took with it a weight that had rested on my chest for months. I could finally take a deep breath, and it felt amazing. I was strong enough to live without him, and I wouldn’t settle for less than I deserved.
“We can be friends,” I offered. I didn’t want to lose him completely. We’d spent most of our lives together. He was a part of me, whether I liked it or not.
“Friends with benefits?” He waggled a brow at me in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“Nice try,” I said with a laugh.
I fiddled with my breakfast, trying to ignore the pained look that had briefly returned to his eyes.
“Oh, did I tell you I ran into Kristy Henderson a while back?” he asked.
I shook my head and shuddered in response. Kristy had been my nemesis since kindergarten. Even though
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