‘hate’ is a strong word, it was the kindest one I could come up with to describe my feelings for her. She’d spent all of junior high and high school trying to steal Ethan away from me.
“Did she hit on you?” I asked with a raised brow.
He laughed. “No, she had just gotten married.”
“I’m surprised that stopped her,” I scoffed.
“No doubt. I feel sorry for the unlucky bastard that got stuck with her.”
“He’s not unlucky. He’s stupid,” I clarified.
Ethan and I laughed at Kristy’s expense for a while longer. It was petty and immature, but felt great nonetheless. For the first time in recent memory, the tears that streaked my face weren’t rooted in sorrow. I knew we would be okay.
*
I invited Ethan over for dinner that night, so he could spend time with Peyton. I had no qualms about bringing him back into her life, and it was obvious their connection hadn’t weakened with time apart. Just like old times, I watched them roughhouse on the living room floor after dinner.
“Bedtime!” I hollered over her giggles. It was actually several hours past bedtime, but I hadn’t wanted to interrupt their reunion. Peyton must have been extremely tired because she didn’t complain. I gave her a kiss and sent her up the stairs to get ready for bed.
“She’s amazing,” Ethan said as he sat next to me on the couch. He looked happy, as if he were right where he belonged.
“I know,” I said on a content sigh as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Do you ever think about what our life would’ve been like if we had stayed together?”
“Every minute of every day,” he replied. “Would you consider getting back together if I gave up everyone but you, the way we used to be?”
“I don’t know. I’d always wonder if you were happy. It would be hard to be with you knowing I can’t completely satisfy you. I’d worry you would grow to resent me.”
He nodded in understanding. “I yanked the rug out from under us. I didn’t get the closure I thought I would. There are so many things I need for you to know, but words just aren’t enough. I wish we had one more night together, so I could show you all of the things that my words can’t express.”
“I want it, too.” My one night with a stranger hadn’t helped me get over the boy I once loved. Neither of us would ever be able to move on until we settled things between us once and for all. “One more night. After tonight, we start over as friends.” His full lips gently brushed against mine. “Let’s go upstairs,” I whispered against his mouth.
Hand in hand, we walked up the stairs to my room. I locked the door behind me and then made my way into his strong arms. We undressed each other slowly, savoring the experience because we knew it would be our last.
We explored each other with our hands and mouths. Each soft kiss he placed on my skin told me exactly how he felt.
I’m sorry.
I miss you.
I love you.
Reaching into the drawer of my nightstand, I pulled out one of the condoms I’d picked up after my risky encounter with the stranger. His face fell for a moment before he complied with my unspoken request. He knew what the barrier between us represented. I was no longer willing to risk getting pregnant with his baby, and I didn’t trust him enough to keep me safe from disease.
I studied my reflection in his dark eyes as he hovered over me. I held back the tears that fought to escape when he slid into me with one smooth stroke. The connection we once had was gone—it really was over between us. I focused on conveying the things I needed to tell him.
I miss you, too.
I’ll always love you.
I forgive you.
We can’t go back.
I could see in his eyes that he understood my message and accepted my decision. We used our bodies to work out the rest of our feelings, and as usual, when he came, I didn’t.
CHAPTER NINE
Madison
“Hurry up, Pey Pey. We’re going to be late for back-to-school night!” I called up the
“Did she hit on you?” I asked with a raised brow.
He laughed. “No, she had just gotten married.”
“I’m surprised that stopped her,” I scoffed.
“No doubt. I feel sorry for the unlucky bastard that got stuck with her.”
“He’s not unlucky. He’s stupid,” I clarified.
Ethan and I laughed at Kristy’s expense for a while longer. It was petty and immature, but felt great nonetheless. For the first time in recent memory, the tears that streaked my face weren’t rooted in sorrow. I knew we would be okay.
*
I invited Ethan over for dinner that night, so he could spend time with Peyton. I had no qualms about bringing him back into her life, and it was obvious their connection hadn’t weakened with time apart. Just like old times, I watched them roughhouse on the living room floor after dinner.
“Bedtime!” I hollered over her giggles. It was actually several hours past bedtime, but I hadn’t wanted to interrupt their reunion. Peyton must have been extremely tired because she didn’t complain. I gave her a kiss and sent her up the stairs to get ready for bed.
“She’s amazing,” Ethan said as he sat next to me on the couch. He looked happy, as if he were right where he belonged.
“I know,” I said on a content sigh as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “Do you ever think about what our life would’ve been like if we had stayed together?”
“Every minute of every day,” he replied. “Would you consider getting back together if I gave up everyone but you, the way we used to be?”
“I don’t know. I’d always wonder if you were happy. It would be hard to be with you knowing I can’t completely satisfy you. I’d worry you would grow to resent me.”
He nodded in understanding. “I yanked the rug out from under us. I didn’t get the closure I thought I would. There are so many things I need for you to know, but words just aren’t enough. I wish we had one more night together, so I could show you all of the things that my words can’t express.”
“I want it, too.” My one night with a stranger hadn’t helped me get over the boy I once loved. Neither of us would ever be able to move on until we settled things between us once and for all. “One more night. After tonight, we start over as friends.” His full lips gently brushed against mine. “Let’s go upstairs,” I whispered against his mouth.
Hand in hand, we walked up the stairs to my room. I locked the door behind me and then made my way into his strong arms. We undressed each other slowly, savoring the experience because we knew it would be our last.
We explored each other with our hands and mouths. Each soft kiss he placed on my skin told me exactly how he felt.
I’m sorry.
I miss you.
I love you.
Reaching into the drawer of my nightstand, I pulled out one of the condoms I’d picked up after my risky encounter with the stranger. His face fell for a moment before he complied with my unspoken request. He knew what the barrier between us represented. I was no longer willing to risk getting pregnant with his baby, and I didn’t trust him enough to keep me safe from disease.
I studied my reflection in his dark eyes as he hovered over me. I held back the tears that fought to escape when he slid into me with one smooth stroke. The connection we once had was gone—it really was over between us. I focused on conveying the things I needed to tell him.
I miss you, too.
I’ll always love you.
I forgive you.
We can’t go back.
I could see in his eyes that he understood my message and accepted my decision. We used our bodies to work out the rest of our feelings, and as usual, when he came, I didn’t.
CHAPTER NINE
Madison
“Hurry up, Pey Pey. We’re going to be late for back-to-school night!” I called up the
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