Night of the Creepy Things by R.L. Stine Page A

remember the speaker from Welcome Back Day last year. It was a woman who had a knitting needle stuck in her nose. She talked about how you can still have an awesome life, even with a knitting needle in your nose.
    Two years ago the speaker was the guy who invented diapers for horses.
    We have a lot of cool graduates from our school.
    But this year’s visitor was the coolest of all, even cooler than the horse-diaper guy. And we were totally crazed and excited because…
    â€¦this year’s speaker was our favorite horror movie director, Mr. B. A. Gool.
    As we all piled into the auditorium, my buddies and I argued over which was Gool’s creepiest film.
    â€œIt’s gotta be The Beast from Preschool !” Crench said. “Remember that dude? He was only four years old, but he could bite your throat out.”
    My buddy Belzer gave Crench a shove. “That wasn’t scary at all,” he said. “Know which one totally freaked me out? I’ll Eat Your Face for Breakfast . After that movie, I couldn’t eat breakfast for a month !”

    â€œToo babyish,” Crench said. “My two-year-old sister liked that one. Gool’s scariest film has to be My HAIR Is ALIVE! I couldn’t sleep for six weeks. I knew if I went to sleep, my hair would strangle me.”
    They turned to me. “What do you think, Big B?” Belzer asked.
    Before I could answer, Sherman Oaks bumped up between us. He tossed back his blond hair and flashed us his perfect, sixty-five-tooth smile.
    â€œAnyone got change for a hundred?” he asked. He waved a hundred-dollar bill in my face. “Or can anyone change this five -hundred-dollar bill?” He waved it under my nose.
    Sherman does that every day. He doesn’t want change. He just likes to make me drool.
    He is the richest kid at Rotten School. He’s so rich, he pays a kid to burp for him.
    â€œDudes, check this out,” he said. He stuck out his left sneaker.
    I saw a small silver screen on top of the sneaker. “What’s that for?” I asked. “A viewer so you can see what you’re stepping into?”
    â€œThe sneaker is a DVD player,” Sherman said. “Idownloaded twenty-eight B. A. Gool movies onto it. I watch them on my shoe while I walk to class.”
    Sherman raised the shoe higher. “See? The volume control is on the toe part,” he said. “The shoe cost five thousand dollars. My parents sent it to me cuz they think they can buy my love.”
    â€œCool,” I said. “What does the other sneaker do?”
    â€œIt’s an MP3 player,” Sherman said. “I downloaded two thousand songs onto it.”
    We jammed into the auditorium and found seats near the front. Headmaster Upchuck was already on the stage. He’s only about three feet tall. He’s so short, he has to stand on a ladder to look in the mirror to comb his hair!
    The Headmaster stood on a tall stool, trying to reach the microphone.
    I could tell Belzer was excited. He kept kicking the seat in front of him. “What do you think B. A. Gool looks like?” he asked. “He’s got to be way weird, right?”
    â€œHe probably wears a long, black cape,” Crench said.
    â€œMaybe he has fangs,” Feenman said. “And reallypale white skin…because he has no blood. And they’ll have to keep the auditorium lights off because bright light will melt him.”
    â€œI’ll bet he’s like some kinda monster,” Belzer said. “He’s got to be way weird to make movies like those.”
    Up on the stage, Headmaster Upchuck tapped the microphone. “Welcome back to Welcome Back Day,” he said. “I want to welcome back everyone to our Welcome Back celebration.”
    His stool tilted. He started to fall off.
    Everyone cheered.
    But he caught himself by grabbing on to the microphone.
    Everyone groaned.
    â€œAnd now,” he said, “let’s welcome back to