No Other Story by Dr. Cuthbert Soup

from the past and we’re all from the future, depending on the point of reference.” Before Jonescould expound upon the topic, two dark creatures scurried into the cave. Teddy sprang to his feet.
    â€œLook out!” he shouted. “Gorillas!”
    It was true that the two beings appeared somewhat gorilla-like. Their posture was similar, and their hairlines plunged so low on their sloped foreheads that they threatened to eclipse their eyebrows. Though it was difficult to be certain through all that facial hair, one of the creatures appeared to be male, the other female.
    Penny was aghast at what she saw, a scene right out of the museum of natural history. “Those aren’t gorillas. They’re Neanderthals.”
    â€œThat’s right,” said Jones, rising to his feet. He nodded toward the more female looking of the two and said, “Allow me to introduce my wife, Gurda. And that dude over there is my brother-in-law, Stig.” Stig emitted a low grunt and a bob of his fuzzy head.
    â€œStig?” said Teddy, with a sneer that wrinkled his nose.
    â€œYes,” said Jones. “It’s a very common caveman name.”
    (See? Told you.)
    Jones turned to the furry hominids and spoke to them in a series of staccato grunts and sweeping hand gestures. They responded with a few grunts of their own, and seemed to be talking about the unexpected guests in their cave. Jones answered them by launching into what looked to be a rather elaborate game of charades. He appeared to be reenacting his encounter with the Cheesemans and their subsequent journey back to the cave. As he spoke, the twoNeanderthals wandered over and began inspecting their visitors, sniffing and gently prodding them.
    Gurda took a handful of Penny’s auburn hair and studied it intently. Penny stiffened, afraid to move.
    â€œDon’t worry,” said Jones. “She’s just being friendly.”
    Gurda grunted out something that sounded to Penny like an angry growl.
    â€œShe says she likes your hair,” said Jones.
    â€œOh,” said Penny. “How do you say
thank you
in Neanderthal?”
    Jones said something that sounded like
arg schnerr
, but when Penny tried to repeat the phrase, it didn’t come out quite the same and resulted in a look of vast confusion from Gurda.
    â€œYou just asked for more minestrone soup,” said Jones.
    â€œThere’s a Neanderthal word for
minestrone soup
?” said Chip.
    â€œWell, of course,” said Jones, as if that were the most absurd question in the entire history of question asking.
    Penny looked up at Gurda and forced a smile. “I don’t really want minestrone soup,” she said.
    â€œI do,” said Teddy. “I’m starving.”
    â€œMe too,” said Gravy-Face Roy.
    Gurda smiled at Teddy and the others and seemed satisfied that there was nothing to fear from the strangers in her home. With a few final grunts, she and Stig waddled to the far end of the cave, where they promptly began smashing several large roots by placing them on a big, flat rock thatseemed to serve as the kitchen table and striking them repeatedly with smaller rocks.
    â€œIsn’t she something?” Jones said with the smile of a man in love. “Great sense of humor too. And the world’s best cook, IMO.”
    â€œIn your opinion?” said Penny.
    â€œWell, I’ll let you judge for yourselves. She makes this casserole that’s, like, out of this world. Do you guys like roots and berries?”
    â€œRoots?” said Teddy, who, more and more, was beginning to think that
out of this world
would be a good place to be.
    â€œThey’re very good for you,” said Jones. “Lots of fiber.”
    â€œSo … you married a Neanderthal?” asked Penny.
    â€œWell, we totally fell in love, so, like, why not?” said Jones, a little defensively. “I believe you should be able to marry whomever you choose, don’t