to your rooms,” Annika advised. “It lists all your departure and arrival times for tomorrow.”
As everyone crowded around the whiteboard, I asked the desk clerk for directions to the sauna, which she pronounced “sow-na,” then made a proposal to the group.
“Anyone want to tag along while I check out the sauna? We can’t visit Finland and not indulge in their national pastime.”
“You’re not getting me inside any steam room,” Helen scoffed. “I just had my hair done.”
“I don’t think there’s any steam,” I corrected. “It’s a dry heat.”
The ladies exchanged meaningful looks with each other. “Do we have to strip?” Lucille finally asked. “Because there’s no way us girls are going to sit in a room together without any clothes on.”
“According to what I’ve read, the sauna is traditionally taken in the nude, but—”
“Is it coed or segregated?” asked George.
“In a family sauna, it’s usually coed,” I said, “but hotels might have different rules for—”
“If Emily gets naked, you can count me in!” whooped Dick Teig.
“Me, too,” said Dick Stolee.
“I hope they have towels,” said Osmond.
“I hope they have blindfolds,” said Nana.
“You suppose they allow cameras?” asked Dick Teig. “Damn, I need film.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, here’s the plan: we’ll find the sauna, read the house rules, then decide if the experience is for us. How does that sound?”
Everyone liked the plan, so we exited the lobby down a long corridor lined with fancy boutiques and rode the elevator to sub-level one—a well-lit underground concourse with passageways shooting off in every direction. “To the right,” I said after reading all the signs.
“Yeah,” said Margi Swanson, “but to the left is that huge shopping complex we passed on the way back to the hotel. We can reach it underground. Is anyone feeling the need to buy a bathing suit?”
“I am,” said Helen.
“So am I,” said Lucille. “Maybe we can find a Lane Bryant outlet.”
“I can buy my film,” said Dick.
“I’m gonna look for dark glasses,” said Nana, “just in case they don’t got blindfolds.”
“Guys!” I called as they all began to scatter. “What about the sauna?”
“Dick and me will meet you back here in ten minutes,” said Dick Stolee, pressing the push-pin of his stopwatch. “Don’t strip down without us.”
“Read the signs if you get lost,” I yelled after them. “Establish landmarks!”
Normally, Iowans don’t get lost, but I didn’t know if their internal directional systems would work underground.
My phone started chirping halfway to the sauna. “Jack?” I said when I connected.
“Hi, Em, can you guess who this is?”
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. “Mom?”
“That’s right! I’ve never spoken to anyone overseas before, so I wasn’t sure you’d recognize my voice.”
“What’s wrong? Is it Dad? Oh, my God, do you need me? Should I come home?”
“This is an excellent connection, Emily. You sound as if you’re right next door. I bet you’re paying big bucks for mobile service like this.”
“Mom! What about Dad?”
“Your father and I are fine, dear. He’s right here, waving hello.”
“Steve and the boys. Mary Ann. Are they okay?”
“We saw them this morning. They’re fine, too.” She hesitated. “Under the circumstances.”
Eh! Here it was. The phone call you always dread when you’re traveling. “What circumstances?”
“Well, you know how Main Street cuts right through the center of town and passes by the church, the funeral parlor, and Lars Bakke’s grain elevator?”
“I’m familiar with Main Street, Mom.”
“We had a twister touch down last night that kind of rearranged things.”
“Oh, my God. Was anyone hurt?”
“It was a miracle, Emily, but there was only one injury. Your friend Sharon missed a step on her basement stairs and ended up breaking both legs. But her mother tells me she’ll be up and
As everyone crowded around the whiteboard, I asked the desk clerk for directions to the sauna, which she pronounced “sow-na,” then made a proposal to the group.
“Anyone want to tag along while I check out the sauna? We can’t visit Finland and not indulge in their national pastime.”
“You’re not getting me inside any steam room,” Helen scoffed. “I just had my hair done.”
“I don’t think there’s any steam,” I corrected. “It’s a dry heat.”
The ladies exchanged meaningful looks with each other. “Do we have to strip?” Lucille finally asked. “Because there’s no way us girls are going to sit in a room together without any clothes on.”
“According to what I’ve read, the sauna is traditionally taken in the nude, but—”
“Is it coed or segregated?” asked George.
“In a family sauna, it’s usually coed,” I said, “but hotels might have different rules for—”
“If Emily gets naked, you can count me in!” whooped Dick Teig.
“Me, too,” said Dick Stolee.
“I hope they have towels,” said Osmond.
“I hope they have blindfolds,” said Nana.
“You suppose they allow cameras?” asked Dick Teig. “Damn, I need film.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, here’s the plan: we’ll find the sauna, read the house rules, then decide if the experience is for us. How does that sound?”
Everyone liked the plan, so we exited the lobby down a long corridor lined with fancy boutiques and rode the elevator to sub-level one—a well-lit underground concourse with passageways shooting off in every direction. “To the right,” I said after reading all the signs.
“Yeah,” said Margi Swanson, “but to the left is that huge shopping complex we passed on the way back to the hotel. We can reach it underground. Is anyone feeling the need to buy a bathing suit?”
“I am,” said Helen.
“So am I,” said Lucille. “Maybe we can find a Lane Bryant outlet.”
“I can buy my film,” said Dick.
“I’m gonna look for dark glasses,” said Nana, “just in case they don’t got blindfolds.”
“Guys!” I called as they all began to scatter. “What about the sauna?”
“Dick and me will meet you back here in ten minutes,” said Dick Stolee, pressing the push-pin of his stopwatch. “Don’t strip down without us.”
“Read the signs if you get lost,” I yelled after them. “Establish landmarks!”
Normally, Iowans don’t get lost, but I didn’t know if their internal directional systems would work underground.
My phone started chirping halfway to the sauna. “Jack?” I said when I connected.
“Hi, Em, can you guess who this is?”
Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. “Mom?”
“That’s right! I’ve never spoken to anyone overseas before, so I wasn’t sure you’d recognize my voice.”
“What’s wrong? Is it Dad? Oh, my God, do you need me? Should I come home?”
“This is an excellent connection, Emily. You sound as if you’re right next door. I bet you’re paying big bucks for mobile service like this.”
“Mom! What about Dad?”
“Your father and I are fine, dear. He’s right here, waving hello.”
“Steve and the boys. Mary Ann. Are they okay?”
“We saw them this morning. They’re fine, too.” She hesitated. “Under the circumstances.”
Eh! Here it was. The phone call you always dread when you’re traveling. “What circumstances?”
“Well, you know how Main Street cuts right through the center of town and passes by the church, the funeral parlor, and Lars Bakke’s grain elevator?”
“I’m familiar with Main Street, Mom.”
“We had a twister touch down last night that kind of rearranged things.”
“Oh, my God. Was anyone hurt?”
“It was a miracle, Emily, but there was only one injury. Your friend Sharon missed a step on her basement stairs and ended up breaking both legs. But her mother tells me she’ll be up and
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