Now You See Me by Lesley Glaister Page B

stood looking at all the bottles of chardonnay and Chablis. I thought how the party would be with everybody stoned and drunk and how out of it I’d feel like always. People are so boring when they’re drunk and they think everything’s funny and it’s even worse when they’re stoned.
    I didn’t get back into the car. I said, ‘Sorry. Just remembered something.’
    Simon shrugged and said, ‘Oh yeah.’
    I said, ‘Yeah.’
    He got into the car and slammed the door. ‘Shame. But maybe see you around?’ he said out of the car window. He gave me a long meaningful look – which was spoiled by the fingerprints on his lenses and the moss growing on the bridge – and drove off. I stood there for a minute trying to think what to do next. It was miles back to the pub and it was coming on to rain. I should go back to the cellar. That would be the safest thing. Doggo was sure to have gone anyway. Finding someone else to help him lie low. But I thought I might as well walk back and just see. Not as if I had anything else lined up.
    It was that time in the afternoon just as it begins to get dark when things huddle together and the lit-up shops look cosy and inviting. The rain wasn’t actually falling, it just hung in the air soaking everything. I only had my denim jacket and the denim sucked up the rain like a sponge. The road was bumper to bumper with buses and cars, their lights smearing runny colours on the wet road.
    A crowd of students came out of the off-licence with clanking carrier bags, all laughing and practically knocking me off the path. One of them called out Bailey’s, Natasha and they all keeled over laughing. I felt like yelling, I’ll tell you where to stick your Bailey’s, Natasha . I know it’s ridiculous to feel left out when you don’t even know the people you are left out of, or even want to know them.
    I walked along towards the Duke’s Head which is a long walk and the rims of my ears ached with cold. I felt weak and thought maybe I needed to eat. I was just going past Tesco when I thought that so I went in to get something for later on.
    It was blindingly bright inside and smelt safe and bready. I picked up a basket and walked round choosing things as if I was someone else. I chose a packet of croissants and some Irish butter and French strawberry jam. Then I changed my mind and put back the croissants and got scones and a tub of clotted cream. I even looked at a piece of chicken but there was blood smudged against the cellophane, and anyway, how would I cook it? Then I lost my appetite seeing the greedy baskets of the people. All that stuff that would just go through them and be in the sewer pipes by tomorrow. I left my stupid basket on the floor and went out where at least you could breathe. It was properly dark now and the lights were a scribbly blur.
    I kept on walking towards the pub but then a carrier bag got tangled round my feet, I don’t know where it came from, it can’t have blown because there was no wind. It was just a wet white bag flapping around my feet but it made my heart go wild. I hate the way rubbish is everywhere, don’t you? All sorts, even great big carrier bags just lying about in the street. I kicked it away but it clung to my shoe so I had to kick and kick. It was just an empty bag. Nothing to get upset about. But my spirits sank down into my boots. If I found him, then what? It was raining properly now and the damp knees of my jeans were making me itch. Best to be alone, it really is.

Eight
    I went back to the cellar. The cobbles glistened greasily and I thought I would slip. The light switch isn’t quite by the door so you have to go in in the dark. I go in with my eyes shut and fumble for the switch. Sometimes I can’t find it straightaway and my hand scrabbles at the wall, my stupid mind thinking I’m in the wrong place or worse, maybe when I switch the light on someone