isn’t a game. You’re not only putting yourself and Tasha in danger. There’s Ollie too.’
Emma had been so sure it would all be fine and that they just needed Tasha to come home. She pushed the food away from her, the dark red sauce of the stew suddenly looking like nothing more than a pool of blood.
10
With each day that passes, I’ve been starting to feel more frightened. I thought it would work the other way round – that each day nobody comes looking for me, I’ll get more confident. It hasn’t worked like that. It’s three days since I phoned Emma. The lump on Andy’s head has gone down, and we’re getting used to our new home. I think I like it better than the tunnel, although there are more rats, and I don’t like them much.
Andy went out today on what he called a special mission. I don’t like him going out alone. I’m terrified that something will happen to him, or that he’ll realise that I’m a danger to him and move off somewhere else. He was gone all day, but he’s back now, thank goodness. I want to ask him where he’s been, but I don’t really have the right to do that. I learned a long time ago never to ask questions.
‘What are you looking at me like that for?’ he asks, and then he smiles. ‘Ah – I get it. You thought I was going to run out on you, didn’t you?’
I don’t answer.
‘Don’t be so bloody soft, Harry. That’s not going to happen. But there’s always a chance that something might go wrong – like it nearly did the other night. Kids like me get beaten up all the time – and if that happens, you’re going to have to get yourself to somewhere safe. You can’t cope on your own.’
My chin goes up and my lips tighten. It’s what Rory used to call my obstinate face, just before he slapped the expression off it.
Andy pushes an old, used brown envelope into my hands.
‘This is for you,’ he says. ‘Put it somewhere really safe – where nobody will look. Okay?’
I hold the envelope out and start to open it.
‘No, don’t look,’ he says. ‘Not until you need to.’
I don’t know what he means.
‘It’s your escape fund,’ he tells me. ‘If anything bad happens and you need to get away, you’ve got to go to Emma, whether you like it or not. I’m going to try to keep you safe, but if I screw up, this is everything you’ll need to get to her.’
I feel my mouth drop open and I don’t know what to say. So I say nothing and fight hard not to cry. I don’t know why he is so good to me – I’m sure I don’t deserve it.
Andy looks down at his hands, giving me a moment. He chooses to talk over my confusion.
‘I’ve read the stuff on those flyers. I’ve listened to Emma. I don’t think she would bring her wee bairn out to try to find you unless she really cares. She wants you to go home to her, and I’m thinking you should.’
‘I’m not leaving you, Andy. So you can forget it.’ I try to give him back the envelope.
‘Let’s just say that if I’m not around – and I’m not going to walk out on you, so don’t go pulling that face – but if you’re on your own for any reason you have to promise me that you’ll go to Emma.’
He can see me looking at him, my face scrunched up in a puzzled frown. He looks down at the ground, and I can’t see his eyes.
‘I haven’t always got things right in the past,’ he says. ‘I need to get it right this time – with you.’ He looks up – straight at me. ‘Don’t ask me to explain.’
I don’t know what to say but I know I can’t force him to tell me. I want to believe he’s right about Emma, though – that she really does want me back. But for the moment I don’t have to decide because I’ve still got Andy.
‘I know where Emma lives now,’ Andy says, as if his last words had never been spoken. ‘I’ve worked out a couple of different ways you can get there when you need to. It’s all in the envelope – trains, buses, a bit of cash for the fares and that. Couldn’t
Emma had been so sure it would all be fine and that they just needed Tasha to come home. She pushed the food away from her, the dark red sauce of the stew suddenly looking like nothing more than a pool of blood.
10
With each day that passes, I’ve been starting to feel more frightened. I thought it would work the other way round – that each day nobody comes looking for me, I’ll get more confident. It hasn’t worked like that. It’s three days since I phoned Emma. The lump on Andy’s head has gone down, and we’re getting used to our new home. I think I like it better than the tunnel, although there are more rats, and I don’t like them much.
Andy went out today on what he called a special mission. I don’t like him going out alone. I’m terrified that something will happen to him, or that he’ll realise that I’m a danger to him and move off somewhere else. He was gone all day, but he’s back now, thank goodness. I want to ask him where he’s been, but I don’t really have the right to do that. I learned a long time ago never to ask questions.
‘What are you looking at me like that for?’ he asks, and then he smiles. ‘Ah – I get it. You thought I was going to run out on you, didn’t you?’
I don’t answer.
‘Don’t be so bloody soft, Harry. That’s not going to happen. But there’s always a chance that something might go wrong – like it nearly did the other night. Kids like me get beaten up all the time – and if that happens, you’re going to have to get yourself to somewhere safe. You can’t cope on your own.’
My chin goes up and my lips tighten. It’s what Rory used to call my obstinate face, just before he slapped the expression off it.
Andy pushes an old, used brown envelope into my hands.
‘This is for you,’ he says. ‘Put it somewhere really safe – where nobody will look. Okay?’
I hold the envelope out and start to open it.
‘No, don’t look,’ he says. ‘Not until you need to.’
I don’t know what he means.
‘It’s your escape fund,’ he tells me. ‘If anything bad happens and you need to get away, you’ve got to go to Emma, whether you like it or not. I’m going to try to keep you safe, but if I screw up, this is everything you’ll need to get to her.’
I feel my mouth drop open and I don’t know what to say. So I say nothing and fight hard not to cry. I don’t know why he is so good to me – I’m sure I don’t deserve it.
Andy looks down at his hands, giving me a moment. He chooses to talk over my confusion.
‘I’ve read the stuff on those flyers. I’ve listened to Emma. I don’t think she would bring her wee bairn out to try to find you unless she really cares. She wants you to go home to her, and I’m thinking you should.’
‘I’m not leaving you, Andy. So you can forget it.’ I try to give him back the envelope.
‘Let’s just say that if I’m not around – and I’m not going to walk out on you, so don’t go pulling that face – but if you’re on your own for any reason you have to promise me that you’ll go to Emma.’
He can see me looking at him, my face scrunched up in a puzzled frown. He looks down at the ground, and I can’t see his eyes.
‘I haven’t always got things right in the past,’ he says. ‘I need to get it right this time – with you.’ He looks up – straight at me. ‘Don’t ask me to explain.’
I don’t know what to say but I know I can’t force him to tell me. I want to believe he’s right about Emma, though – that she really does want me back. But for the moment I don’t have to decide because I’ve still got Andy.
‘I know where Emma lives now,’ Andy says, as if his last words had never been spoken. ‘I’ve worked out a couple of different ways you can get there when you need to. It’s all in the envelope – trains, buses, a bit of cash for the fares and that. Couldn’t
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