made her feel worse. I didn’t rub her nose in it, but I might as well have done.
‘When Mum died . . .’ Emma hesitated ‘. . . well, Nell’s confidence plummeted as low as it could get. She had major issues. Went completely the other way. Lost too much weight, eating like a sparrow. We got help for her. Dr Griffiths was great about it. And finally we had her eating healthily again. In time, all her other problems cleared up, too, and I thought things might improve for her, but it was too late . . . She’d become this insignificant little wisp. Like a shadow, or a ghost. Moving through life, but only half-visible, half-noticed. Especially by boys.’
‘I - ’ Daniel shrugged helplessly, at a loss for words that might aid his defence, but realising in that moment that he didn’t want to defend himself. Not if he was guilty.
They had reached Harreloe Common, AKA the village green, with the duck pond in one corner and the small children’s playground in another. Straight ahead , past a short line of benches, was the pub. The Leaping Stag. Yellow light beckoned through the mullioned windows, and Daniel felt a tug of longing for the chair beside the inglenook fireplace and the undemanding companionship of the landlord and his wife.
All this was too daunting, too stark for this time of night. He shoved his hands in his pockets and exhaled sharply, turning away from the pub and frowning towards the little row of shops beyond the playground while Emma scooped up Truffle’s business and disposed of it in the nearest dog-litter bin.
When she was done, she turned back to Daniel, and he had no choice but to face up to his past, because he couldn’t detach the man he was now from the boy he’d been then.
‘ I don’t know what to say, Em. I was different in those days.’
‘So you keep reminding me. And look, I know that as well as anyone. Gareth and I can honestly say you’re one of our best friends. I’d never have dreamed of being mates with the douche bag you used to be at St Cecil’s.’
‘So what happened? After that geography field trip? You said I asked Nell out.’
‘It was in your serial dating days, before the sixth form when you got serious with Lauren.’
‘Everyone was serial dating back then.’
Emma tightened Truffle’s lead, as he yapped dementedly and strained in the direction of the pond. ‘Nell wasn’t. She never has.’
‘OK.’ Daniel frowned. ‘Fine. So go on.’
‘You asked her out to the cinema. The first time anyone ever asked her out. But she never told me, or Dad or Nana. If I’d known she was meeting you - not going to the library to study, as she said she was - I wouldn’t have let her go, never in a million years. It must have taken so much courage, knowing Nell. But she was so infatuated with you, she would have been walking on air, too. It was only a Saturday afternoon, she caught the bus. But when she arrived, you weren’t there. It was just Lauren and her posse, and they thought it was hilarious. The best joke ever.’
Daniel roughly yanked a hand through his knotted mop of hair, like a penitential act, as if the pain could chisel away a tiny portion of guilt. ‘What . . . ? Where - ? What did I do next? What happened at school?’
‘You stopped paying attention to her, I suppose. I couldn’t console her, and eventually she told me what had happened, sobbing her heart out. Nell retreated even further into herself then. She was never going to confront you about it. So that was that. Lauren and her gang didn’t make a big deal of it. Nell wasn’t totally humiliated at school. It was weird, I thought they would make it public knowledge, but it seemed more like a private joke. Maybe they realised they’d overstepped the mark that time. I tried to talk to Lauren about it once, but she didn’t want to know. It was over and done with, she said. Well maybe for her, but it wasn’t for Nell.’
‘No wonder your sister’s still pissed off with me. Why didn’t
‘When Mum died . . .’ Emma hesitated ‘. . . well, Nell’s confidence plummeted as low as it could get. She had major issues. Went completely the other way. Lost too much weight, eating like a sparrow. We got help for her. Dr Griffiths was great about it. And finally we had her eating healthily again. In time, all her other problems cleared up, too, and I thought things might improve for her, but it was too late . . . She’d become this insignificant little wisp. Like a shadow, or a ghost. Moving through life, but only half-visible, half-noticed. Especially by boys.’
‘I - ’ Daniel shrugged helplessly, at a loss for words that might aid his defence, but realising in that moment that he didn’t want to defend himself. Not if he was guilty.
They had reached Harreloe Common, AKA the village green, with the duck pond in one corner and the small children’s playground in another. Straight ahead , past a short line of benches, was the pub. The Leaping Stag. Yellow light beckoned through the mullioned windows, and Daniel felt a tug of longing for the chair beside the inglenook fireplace and the undemanding companionship of the landlord and his wife.
All this was too daunting, too stark for this time of night. He shoved his hands in his pockets and exhaled sharply, turning away from the pub and frowning towards the little row of shops beyond the playground while Emma scooped up Truffle’s business and disposed of it in the nearest dog-litter bin.
When she was done, she turned back to Daniel, and he had no choice but to face up to his past, because he couldn’t detach the man he was now from the boy he’d been then.
‘ I don’t know what to say, Em. I was different in those days.’
‘So you keep reminding me. And look, I know that as well as anyone. Gareth and I can honestly say you’re one of our best friends. I’d never have dreamed of being mates with the douche bag you used to be at St Cecil’s.’
‘So what happened? After that geography field trip? You said I asked Nell out.’
‘It was in your serial dating days, before the sixth form when you got serious with Lauren.’
‘Everyone was serial dating back then.’
Emma tightened Truffle’s lead, as he yapped dementedly and strained in the direction of the pond. ‘Nell wasn’t. She never has.’
‘OK.’ Daniel frowned. ‘Fine. So go on.’
‘You asked her out to the cinema. The first time anyone ever asked her out. But she never told me, or Dad or Nana. If I’d known she was meeting you - not going to the library to study, as she said she was - I wouldn’t have let her go, never in a million years. It must have taken so much courage, knowing Nell. But she was so infatuated with you, she would have been walking on air, too. It was only a Saturday afternoon, she caught the bus. But when she arrived, you weren’t there. It was just Lauren and her posse, and they thought it was hilarious. The best joke ever.’
Daniel roughly yanked a hand through his knotted mop of hair, like a penitential act, as if the pain could chisel away a tiny portion of guilt. ‘What . . . ? Where - ? What did I do next? What happened at school?’
‘You stopped paying attention to her, I suppose. I couldn’t console her, and eventually she told me what had happened, sobbing her heart out. Nell retreated even further into herself then. She was never going to confront you about it. So that was that. Lauren and her gang didn’t make a big deal of it. Nell wasn’t totally humiliated at school. It was weird, I thought they would make it public knowledge, but it seemed more like a private joke. Maybe they realised they’d overstepped the mark that time. I tried to talk to Lauren about it once, but she didn’t want to know. It was over and done with, she said. Well maybe for her, but it wasn’t for Nell.’
‘No wonder your sister’s still pissed off with me. Why didn’t
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