repeated, “Nothing to do with you. Absolutely. It’s just…” He turned toward Jeff and said, “I want us to wear the rings.”
Nobody said anything. Damn. It wasn’t the right time for this, especially not if it was going to end up in a fight. Dan shook his head, trying to clear it out. When Chris had made his announcement, it was like a bright light had illuminated Dan’s thoughts, and everything had been suddenly clear. Now the light was dimming, and the ideas that had seemed so important were fading like a dream upon waking. It wasn’t fair to Chris and Ryan for Dan to be stealing their thunder, but he wanted to get the ideas out of his head before they faded entirely.
“Because it is great,” he tried. “It’s great that Chris and Ryan are happy, but it’s bigger than that. I mean, it’s great that they’re pretty sure they’re going to be able to get married, here in California, pretty soon. Not that long ago we wouldn’t have thought that was possible, and now, it’s legal quite a few places, and the tide has absolutely turned. Right?” He forced himself to take a quick look at Chris and Ryan, and they seemed more bemused than angry, so he let himself continue.
“And it changed because people stopped hiding. They stopped acting as if they had something to be ashamed of. They stopped worrying what other people would think, and they just loved who they loved.”
He was probably making a fool of himself, but that was nothing new, not with this crowd. They’d forgive him for it. He turned to Evan. “You know what tradition I’d really like you to pass on to RJ? I’d like you to teach him to be as fearless as you are. I’d like you to teach him to assume that the world is going to treat him fairly, and I’d like him to learn to be shocked and outraged when it doesn’t happen. I don’t care about the damn Starman or whatever—you can teach him all that too, if you want. But the real tradition, the thing that makes me want to raise him in this house instead of somewhere else? Is love . I want RJ to take love for granted, the way you and Tat do.”
And since no one had stopped him yet, he turned to Jeff. “And we need you to teach him to be wise and careful, when to fight and when to walk away. Absolutely, he needs that.” He shook his head again, trying to shake some of the details of his epiphany out of the shadows. “You weren’t wrong about the rings. But you weren’t right, either. When you said the rings don’t matter, compared to RJ? I don’t think that was right. Because the rings are us… not the three of us, as separate people; the three of us together, the way we’re going to raise RJ. And you guys… you maybe don’t know so well, but trust me… parents matter . Parents are important, and being parents is our biggest, hardest job, and wearing rings to remind us that we love each other and are committed to each other and are raising RJ together … that matters.”
There had been better words in his head. He wasn’t doing this right. He’d thought he had something to say, but now he was just babbling. What was the core of it? What was the big idea, the one thing that he needed to say? “I love you. Both of you. I’m not ashamed of you, and I don’t want to start acting like I am. Not just for me, but for RJ too. ’Cause he needs to know his parents love each other, and he needs to know that we’ll stand up for ourselves, just like we’ll stand up for him if we ever have to.”
“And just like he should stand up for himself,” Evan said firmly. He smiled at Dan, then looked over at Jeff. “I’m sold, man. But it was my idea to start with.”
Jeff didn’t say anything. He just stood up, and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his ring, and he nodded. “Absolutely,” he finally said, and his voice was a little tight. He cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said more firmly. “You’re right. Thank you.”
Dan scrambled to his feet, leaving RJ playing with
Nobody said anything. Damn. It wasn’t the right time for this, especially not if it was going to end up in a fight. Dan shook his head, trying to clear it out. When Chris had made his announcement, it was like a bright light had illuminated Dan’s thoughts, and everything had been suddenly clear. Now the light was dimming, and the ideas that had seemed so important were fading like a dream upon waking. It wasn’t fair to Chris and Ryan for Dan to be stealing their thunder, but he wanted to get the ideas out of his head before they faded entirely.
“Because it is great,” he tried. “It’s great that Chris and Ryan are happy, but it’s bigger than that. I mean, it’s great that they’re pretty sure they’re going to be able to get married, here in California, pretty soon. Not that long ago we wouldn’t have thought that was possible, and now, it’s legal quite a few places, and the tide has absolutely turned. Right?” He forced himself to take a quick look at Chris and Ryan, and they seemed more bemused than angry, so he let himself continue.
“And it changed because people stopped hiding. They stopped acting as if they had something to be ashamed of. They stopped worrying what other people would think, and they just loved who they loved.”
He was probably making a fool of himself, but that was nothing new, not with this crowd. They’d forgive him for it. He turned to Evan. “You know what tradition I’d really like you to pass on to RJ? I’d like you to teach him to be as fearless as you are. I’d like you to teach him to assume that the world is going to treat him fairly, and I’d like him to learn to be shocked and outraged when it doesn’t happen. I don’t care about the damn Starman or whatever—you can teach him all that too, if you want. But the real tradition, the thing that makes me want to raise him in this house instead of somewhere else? Is love . I want RJ to take love for granted, the way you and Tat do.”
And since no one had stopped him yet, he turned to Jeff. “And we need you to teach him to be wise and careful, when to fight and when to walk away. Absolutely, he needs that.” He shook his head again, trying to shake some of the details of his epiphany out of the shadows. “You weren’t wrong about the rings. But you weren’t right, either. When you said the rings don’t matter, compared to RJ? I don’t think that was right. Because the rings are us… not the three of us, as separate people; the three of us together, the way we’re going to raise RJ. And you guys… you maybe don’t know so well, but trust me… parents matter . Parents are important, and being parents is our biggest, hardest job, and wearing rings to remind us that we love each other and are committed to each other and are raising RJ together … that matters.”
There had been better words in his head. He wasn’t doing this right. He’d thought he had something to say, but now he was just babbling. What was the core of it? What was the big idea, the one thing that he needed to say? “I love you. Both of you. I’m not ashamed of you, and I don’t want to start acting like I am. Not just for me, but for RJ too. ’Cause he needs to know his parents love each other, and he needs to know that we’ll stand up for ourselves, just like we’ll stand up for him if we ever have to.”
“And just like he should stand up for himself,” Evan said firmly. He smiled at Dan, then looked over at Jeff. “I’m sold, man. But it was my idea to start with.”
Jeff didn’t say anything. He just stood up, and reached into his pocket. He pulled out his ring, and he nodded. “Absolutely,” he finally said, and his voice was a little tight. He cleared his throat. “Yes,” he said more firmly. “You’re right. Thank you.”
Dan scrambled to his feet, leaving RJ playing with
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