Only Strange People Go to Church by Laura Marney

Maria feels unworthy. He’s tall, three inches taller than her, optimum kissing height. His hair is blond, as soft as a baby’s. Although she has never actually touched it she can see how soft it is by the way it falls over his lightly freckled brow. His eyes are turquoise, clear and innocent. He does have a large nose, but it suits him, and perhaps it puts other girls off. She likes his nose all the more for this.
    But despite the wedding plans Arlene insists on making, Maria worries that Dezzie might be out of her league: too gorgeous for her. He smells gorgeous too. Every chance she gets she stands close to him to fill her head with the scent of him. She even had a surreptitious sniff of his discarded jumper in the staff room. She loves his personal smell. It isn’t strong, it’s a lovely fresh smell, like clean laundry.
    ‘Sure, come in.’
    Dezzie has brought Brian with him who is not quite so fragrant. Maria can smell the familiar sour smell from Brian’s breath.
    ‘Have you been sick, Brian?’
    Brian gives a laboured nod, his head apparently too heavy for his thin neck. His arms are coiled, awaiting the next impromptu spasm, his wrists bent at impossible angles.
    ‘Whoa,’ says Dezzie, laughing, ‘man, was he sick! Projectile vom, impressive, my man.’ Got a wash and a clean shirt. Sorted.Now officially Hexton’s snappiest dresser and all-round good egg.’
    ‘Sartorially. Superior.’ says Brian’s machine.
    Dezzie laughs. ‘Indeed you are, mate.’
    Brian nods again and smiles one of his irresistibly cute slow smiles. Maria knows why he’s smiling. He’s delighted with Dezzie’s flattering banter and the fact that he’s calling him ‘mate’. Dezzie manages to make the tiresome chore of cleaning up vomit sound like a fun adventure. The twang of jealousy Maria feels passes almost instantaneously. And then she has a moment’s distress.
    ‘Where are the rest of them?’
    ‘It’s okay, don’t worry, I haven’t deserted them. They wanted to go to Bert’s Health and Hygiene class.’
    ‘I’m nearly finished here if you want this computer.’
    ‘No, no, you carry on; you’re fine. I know you’re engaged in vitally important work. Bert was telling me you’re organising a concert?’
    Maria smiles, word travels fast.
    ‘Me and Brian are only in to fiddle about. We’ll go on this one.’
    Maria would have liked to hand over her keyboard to Dezzie. She’d like to have him sit close to her and perhaps graze his lovely long fingers across hers but he’s already booting up the other computer. She turns back to her celebrity search but she can’t concentrate. He obviously doesn’t want to disturb her because Dezzie is whispering in Brian’s ear.
    Sometimes, in order not to be heard by clients, Dezzie whispers to Maria, up close, his lips touching the brim of her ear, as close as a kiss. It makes the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Even watching him lean in to whisper to Brian gives her a vicarious shiver.
    Brian is laughing. They’re up to something. She glances towards their monitor but she can’t see a thing. Dezzie has pulled it round making it easier for Brian to see and impossible for Maria.
    ‘What are you looking up?’ she tries, conversationally.
    Both Brian and Dezzie seem to find this question funny.
    ‘None. Of. Your. Beeswax.’ says Brian.
    For someone who doesn’t actually speak, Brian loves a bit of wordplay.
    ‘Check out the headlamps on that!’ says Dezzie, pointing at the screen.
    ‘A. Fine. Pair.’
    ‘C’mon guys, what’s going on?’ says Maria, feeling increasingly uncomfortable to be left out of the joke.
    ‘Definitely a classy chasis,’ says Dezzie.
    ‘For. A. Lassie.’
    Brian is laughing before the Dynavox has even finished speaking.
    ‘Are you looking up porn, Brian McEndrick?’
    Maria voice is so high it’s off the scale. Her screech startles Brian and his arms jerk like Kermit the Frog. This is all the answer she needs. She leans across