Orchards by Holly Thompson Page B

gardens
    mid-August
    midday
     
    we start to walk back
    but Uncle gets a call on his cell
    says a few words
    then ends the call
    looks at me
    and tells me he needs to talk
    with his cousin who runs
    the gas station
    so we go
    all the way there
    opposite side of the village
    and it’s so hot I’m wishing
    I had one of Baachan’s
    big
    ugly
    bonnets
     
    Uncle and gas station man
    talk and talk
    as I sip cold tea
    and watch gas station man’s
    wife put gas
    in cars
    air in tires
    wash windshields
    make change
    between customers she sits with me
    tells me about her grown kids
    learning to drive

     
    but on the way home
    Uncle remembers he forgot
    the cucumbers
    I have only eggplants and peppers
    and he insists we both
    return to the gas station
    and I’m thinking
    this is different
    Uncle never wastes an afternoon
    and never visits during work hours
    and normally doesn’t care
    about cucumbers or if he did
    would go back himself
    and send me ahead
    to help Baachan
    or Aunt
    with a chore
     
    even after
    we get the cucumbers
    he remembers
    suddenly
    sheepishly
    we need to see another cousin
    by the bridge
    but by then I’m thinking
    this is way too
    different
    and I start to run
     
    through the east side
    of the village
    over the bridge
    to the west side
    down the lane
    up the driveway
    through the house
    past Baachan and Aunt
    in the kitchen
    up to Yurie’s room
    where I let the
    eggplants and peppers
    drop
     
    Uncle
    not far behind me
    is hollering through the house
    as I’m kneeling before the computer
    cursing it to boot up
              fast
                     faster
                            damn it!
    Baachan flies into the room
    tries to pull me away
    Uncle behind her
    Aunt, too
    but Uncle pulls Baachan off me
    and I look at Baachan
    see her eyes fill and
    I know
    something
    happened
     
    please
    I say
     

B aachan kneels beside me then
    before the low table with the computer
    that she doesn’t know how to use
    as I open the browser
    and pull up my email
    and chat
    and see all the
    messages
    and the name
    again
    and again
    Lisa
     
    Baachan holds me
    as I check each message
    first from Lisa to us all
    last night, Japan night
    her morning
    just an hour after I
    logged off
    thanks everyone
    you’ve been great but it’s
    time to go
    gotta make myself
    better
    only way
    I know how
    luv you
    Lisa
     
    then message after message
    copied to every electron
    in the atom
    and beyond
    as they logged on
    then phoned
    and emailed
    anyone
    everyone
    desperate
    to get someone
    at the summer school
    to find her
    stop her
    save her
     
    and messages
    hours later
    after they got the news
    from their mothers
    who’d heard from Abby’s mother
    who’d heard direct
    from Lisa’s godmother
    that she’d been found
    in her dorm room
    hanging
    from her bathrobe sash
     
    Baachan says
    that a phone call before breakfast
    was my mother with the news
    and that my mother
    wanted me to hear the news from her
    not a computer
    but that she had to comfort Emi
    take Emi to meet with counselors
    that Gina’s father had assembled
    at the community center
    for girls, siblings, friends, parents
    anyone in town
    who needed help …
    so could they stall?
    my mother had thought
    they’d be home to call
    during our lunch break
    but they were delayed
    as more and more girls, boys
    parents and neighbors arrived
    so my mother had called my father
    who’d called here
    during
shogi
and told Baachan
    stall more!
     
    now Aunt brings the phone upstairs
    and they dial my home
    in New York
    I hear my mother’s words
    I hear her voice
    and my dad comes on
    and I hear his words
    hear his voice
    all soft
    and Emi comes on
    and I hear her words
    and I hear her voice
    but I have none
    and Aunt takes the phone
    then gives it to Uncle
    who leaves the room
     
    I start to shiver
    my whole body
    and Aunt sets out the futon
    and Baachan lays me down
    and Aunt covers me
    and Yurie comes home from work early
    and