we—”
“What kinds of things did you and Abigail do when you were alone together?” Gideon interrupted.
“We talked.”
“Talked.” Gideon didn’t seem to believe that either. “Did you kiss her?”
“No,” I said. “I mean, maybe we would have, but her father showed up, and it never happened.”
“Never,” said Gideon. “You never kissed her? Not once?”
“No,” I said.
“Did you touch her?”
“We held hands,” I said.
Gideon snorted. “You expect me to believe it was all so innocent, Jesse?”
I licked my lips. “Well, we knew that to be alone together was a sin, so I don’t know if it was innocent.”
“Did you fondle her breasts?” Gideon leaned forward eagerly. “Did either of you remove your clothing? Did you put your mouth on parts of her body? Did she put her mouth on you? Did you have sexual intercourse?”
I felt uncomfortable. “No, it wasn’t like that.”
A smile played on Gideon’s lips. “God sees all, Jesse.”
“I swear it was just… talking.”
“And holding hands.” There was an ironic lilt to Gideon’s tone.
“Yes,” I said.
Gideon clasped his hands together. “Jesse, we all know that God tests the men of his chosen people harder than he tests the women. All of us must struggle against our base nature, our sinful desires. But if we are pure, God rewards us. He gives us many women to love and cherish, but we are to do so in a holy way. The urge to behave in an unholy way with a woman is quite strong, though. It can be almost overwhelming. And you are expecting me to believe that you were alone twice with this girl, and yet you didn’t act on your desires?”
“I… I held her hand. I touched her face. We were… we were close to kissing.” I didn’t understand. I’d been taught my whole life that men weren’t supposed to have relations with women until they were married, and yet Gideon didn’t seem to believe it was possible that I hadn’t. If it was so difficult not to do that with a woman, then why did we even try?
“You did desire her, didn’t you?”
I thought I might be blushing now, but my face was so swollen and hot from my father’s beating, I couldn’t quite tell. “Yes.”
“You thought about touching her?”
I nodded.
“Touching her breasts? Touching her between her legs?”
Okay, yeah, I was definitely embarrassed.
“Answer the question,” said Gideon.
“M-maybe. Sort of. In a way.”
“What do you mean in a way?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have done those things if we weren’t married.”
Gideon snorted again. “Oh, please, Jesse. You are insulting me, and all the elders, and your father, and God. Tell the truth. Did you have sexual relations with Abigail London?”
“No,” I said. “No, I did not.”
Gideon’s voice was cold. “You’re a liar.”
“No.” I shook my head.
“If you had confessed your sins, perhaps you could be forgiven, but you show no attempt to even acknowledge what you did wrong.”
“I am confessing.” I sat forward in my chair, and it hurt to move, and I cringed. “I’m telling you everything, I swear. I never did anything like that with her. Maybe I…” I looked at the floor, and my voice lost strength. “Maybe I… thought about her and touched myself, but I never did anything with her.”
This was going very badly. Deep down, I’d hoped for the chance to argue to the elders that Abby and I should be able to get married, but if Gideon didn’t believe me, then I wasn’t going to have the chance.
The elders themselves still hadn’t spoken. Gideon was doing all the talking. Didn’t the elders have anything to say? They were the ones who were supposed to be running the community, after all, not Gideon.
Gideon laughed. “You’re unrepentant, and you’re a stain on your family and on this congregation.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“You have blasphemed against the holy spirit,” said Gideon.
What? Blasphemy against the holy spirit was the unforgivable
“What kinds of things did you and Abigail do when you were alone together?” Gideon interrupted.
“We talked.”
“Talked.” Gideon didn’t seem to believe that either. “Did you kiss her?”
“No,” I said. “I mean, maybe we would have, but her father showed up, and it never happened.”
“Never,” said Gideon. “You never kissed her? Not once?”
“No,” I said.
“Did you touch her?”
“We held hands,” I said.
Gideon snorted. “You expect me to believe it was all so innocent, Jesse?”
I licked my lips. “Well, we knew that to be alone together was a sin, so I don’t know if it was innocent.”
“Did you fondle her breasts?” Gideon leaned forward eagerly. “Did either of you remove your clothing? Did you put your mouth on parts of her body? Did she put her mouth on you? Did you have sexual intercourse?”
I felt uncomfortable. “No, it wasn’t like that.”
A smile played on Gideon’s lips. “God sees all, Jesse.”
“I swear it was just… talking.”
“And holding hands.” There was an ironic lilt to Gideon’s tone.
“Yes,” I said.
Gideon clasped his hands together. “Jesse, we all know that God tests the men of his chosen people harder than he tests the women. All of us must struggle against our base nature, our sinful desires. But if we are pure, God rewards us. He gives us many women to love and cherish, but we are to do so in a holy way. The urge to behave in an unholy way with a woman is quite strong, though. It can be almost overwhelming. And you are expecting me to believe that you were alone twice with this girl, and yet you didn’t act on your desires?”
“I… I held her hand. I touched her face. We were… we were close to kissing.” I didn’t understand. I’d been taught my whole life that men weren’t supposed to have relations with women until they were married, and yet Gideon didn’t seem to believe it was possible that I hadn’t. If it was so difficult not to do that with a woman, then why did we even try?
“You did desire her, didn’t you?”
I thought I might be blushing now, but my face was so swollen and hot from my father’s beating, I couldn’t quite tell. “Yes.”
“You thought about touching her?”
I nodded.
“Touching her breasts? Touching her between her legs?”
Okay, yeah, I was definitely embarrassed.
“Answer the question,” said Gideon.
“M-maybe. Sort of. In a way.”
“What do you mean in a way?”
“Well, I wouldn’t have done those things if we weren’t married.”
Gideon snorted again. “Oh, please, Jesse. You are insulting me, and all the elders, and your father, and God. Tell the truth. Did you have sexual relations with Abigail London?”
“No,” I said. “No, I did not.”
Gideon’s voice was cold. “You’re a liar.”
“No.” I shook my head.
“If you had confessed your sins, perhaps you could be forgiven, but you show no attempt to even acknowledge what you did wrong.”
“I am confessing.” I sat forward in my chair, and it hurt to move, and I cringed. “I’m telling you everything, I swear. I never did anything like that with her. Maybe I…” I looked at the floor, and my voice lost strength. “Maybe I… thought about her and touched myself, but I never did anything with her.”
This was going very badly. Deep down, I’d hoped for the chance to argue to the elders that Abby and I should be able to get married, but if Gideon didn’t believe me, then I wasn’t going to have the chance.
The elders themselves still hadn’t spoken. Gideon was doing all the talking. Didn’t the elders have anything to say? They were the ones who were supposed to be running the community, after all, not Gideon.
Gideon laughed. “You’re unrepentant, and you’re a stain on your family and on this congregation.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“You have blasphemed against the holy spirit,” said Gideon.
What? Blasphemy against the holy spirit was the unforgivable
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