Outsider by W. Freedreamer Tinkanesh

getting up, would
ritually record the leftover memories in her diary. To wake up and
remember three dreams was a usual occurrence. Or used to be, in the
times before she got on anti-depressants. Now she felt fortunate
when she could remember various snatches of various dreams or even,
luck of luck, glory of glory, a whole dream in Technicolor. She
treasured them. The Dreamworld was more real to her than the
so-called Reality. It was the source and inspiration of her songs,
her strength, her creativity, her life.
    She loved it when friends visited her dreams.
It was the one sure sign that they were really her friends, no
matter the geographical distances, the background differences, the
life style circumstances.
    Entries of her diary would often read as
follow:
    “ Terri visited me in my dream. We talked
music.
    Second Look were also in my dreams last
night and the night before last.”
    “ Dreamed I was at the Second Look gig but
the Black Crow was a huge venue. They had finished performing and I
was looking for everyone I knew, especially the Second Look virgins
I had convinced to come along. I was finding people and losing them
in the crowd. First, the woman with the gothic looks [?] then
Olivia [who lives in Devon]. I still had to find Angie and Dani.
The dream turned into another dream. The dream was partly about
confusion. I was flying and I saw Terri standing near-by a
building. I waved at her and she waved back. She was there with
another woman, maybe Dawn, but I’m not sure, I couldn’t see the
woman’s features. They walked into the building.”
    “ Loneliness biting deep into my heart any
time of the day or night. With all the sharpness of its
fangs.”
    “ I feel like a bomb, ticking, ready to
explode.”
    “ I am a tortured artist, an arrogant
singer, a writer without scruples.”
    “ Dawn was in my dream last night. We were
looking out of the doorway of the Blue Moon, looking out. Looking
out at my motorbike. She asked: “Is it your bike?” I answered:
“Yes.” With pride."
    “ In my dream, Second Look had to cancel a
gig at the last minute. They left the pub in a whitish, oversized
limo.”
    “ I lifted a treasure up from a sunken boat
and lifted some dynamite down, while Second Look were having a
drink in a next-door pub.”
    “ I dreamed I was in high school with
Hillary [who lives in San Francisco] and Angie. Terri and Dawn were
in the background. I wanted to climb the climbing wall of the
school. Outside the rain was raging. I could fly.”
    “ The Lakota see black as the colour of
inspiration for it represents the darkness that gives way to
light.”
     
    One morning, the one dream still fiercely
grabbing at her mind had more details than ever –since her getting
on anti-depressants– and presented an attachment of good feeling.
Picture it out of the dark recesses of her mind:
    Sid is hanging out with her friend Bea, who,
these days, lives in Canada. They’ve known each other for a few
years. Being both singers, they naturally met on the acoustic
scene. By that time Sid was already an oddity, feeling more of an
oddity than David Bowie’s “Space Oddity” in Italian, having
upgraded for an electric guitar and darker than ever songs. Anyway.
Sid and Bea are hanging out at a party. It is a huge party and the
sun is shining benevolently on the revellers enjoying the small
size estate belonging to Terri. If it was not Terri’s party, Sid
wouldn’t have bothered, she is no party girl, herself dixit. Sid
knows Terri hasn’t arrived yet and she is anxious to catch up with
the wild rock singer. The atmosphere is one of summer festival.
    From a distance (Bette Middler and Nancy
Griffith chorusing in her ears), she sees a motorbike trailing
through the green grass. She doesn’t need keen eyes to know it’s
Terri’s Bandit, with Terri herself riding it without helmet. She
leaves Bea with some chatty women and starts making her way to the
house. Well, calling it a bungalow or a shack would be