Owning Jacob - SA by Simon Beckett

incriminating Sarah.'
    'Are you sure? She might not expect you to tel anybody.
    And you said yourself that Sarah had more or less lost touch with her. You might have handed her a way of getting back at you both.'
    'I know what you're saying, but I can't-' Colin held up his hand. 'Just think for a second. What actual confirmation have you got that what she said is true?'
    'None, but-'

    'That's right, none. Have you checked to see what else might have been in the papers about the story afterwards?' Uncertain now, Ben shook his head.
    'So for al you know, little Steven Kale could have turned up safe and wel a week or two later. And Sarah might have just put the cuttings into a box and forgotten al about them.
    The point is, you don't know. If you go to the police or social services now you could be letting yourself in for a whole lot of trouble for no good reason. And Jacob as wel , don't forget.
    Al because of some vague suspicions and a story you were told by someone who hates your guts.' Ben rubbed his eyes. He didn't feel any more hopeful, but he knew what Colin said made sense. 'I suppose you're right'
    'Okay, then. So what we've got to do now is find out if the Kales' baby ever turned up again. And also if its parents are stil alive themselves.' The look he gave Ben was cautious.
    'If they aren't, you might want to think again about what you're going to do. Regardless of whether their baby was found or not.' He knew what Colin was hinting at. He didn't know how he felt about it, though. 'How do I go about finding out?'
    'It'd mean a lot of digging around.' Colin sucked air through his teeth as he considered, making a tiny whistling noise. 'It'd probably be best to hire someone to do it for you.
    It'l cost, but it'd be faster and less trouble.'
    'Do you know anyone?'
    'Not personal y, but I could ask around. We sometimes have to use private detectives at work.' He gave a dry smile.
    'You'd be surprised the sort of messes musicians can get themselves into.' Not only musicians, Ben thought. 'How soon can you let me know?':
    'Tomorrow, probably.' Colin looked uncomfortable. 'Look, this might be jumping the gun a bit, but depending what the detective finds, perhaps you should start thinking about consulting a lawyer who specialises in family law. My field's entertainment. I haven't a clue what the custody situation would be if… wel , if the worst came to the worst.' Ben nodded. Colin looked across at him. 'I'm assuming you'd want Jacob to stay with you.' Ben studied his beer can. 'Let's wait and see what the detective turns up.'
    The traffic seemed even heavier than usual, or himself less patient, as he drove Jacob to school the next morning. The car sat in the meandering lines of vehicles as they crept forward, snarling into knots at junctions. Early as it was, the June sun was already baking down, indistinct through the purpling haze of smog.
    He made no attempt to talk to Jacob. He'd hardly spoken to him at al the night before, even when he'd bathed him and put him to bed. Whenever he looked at him he felt such a turmoil of emotions it was impossible to see past them. He knew he wasn't being fair, knew that whatever had happened wasn't the boy's fault. But tel ing himself that nothing had real y changed didn't help.y Everything had changed.
    The traffic thinned out as he neared the school. It was in Islington, and getting there and back twice a day, five times a week, was often a nightmare. There was a special-needs school closer to where they lived in Camden, but it catered for children with a variety of learning difficulties, not just autism. The Islington school was one of the few that was only for autistic children. He and Sarah had decided diat the benefits of Jacob being given specialist education and treatment outweighed any inconvenience of transport. Sarah had even insisted on taking and col ecting him themselves, an arrangement Jacob soon regarded as inviolable. He could stretch his acceptance to include Maggie,