one of the few people I actually have in my life who sees the real me.
“But what if I end up like my mother. I saw what she did to my dad. I saw how his heart broke, and he drank himself to sleep everyday.”
“For that reason alone I know you would never do that to someone you care about. You aren’t your mother. You’ve learned from her mistakes, and have found a different path. Albeit, sometimes that path has been rocky with some less than good decisions, but they’ve made you the person you are. You saw what your mother did to your dad; you aren’t going to purposely do that to Grayson. You have tried so hard to avoid that same scenario, that you’ve pushed people away. And of course the one person you decide to let in a little bit ends up being a douche. We both know , though, that Chase was just a long-term fuck buddy that was selfish and wanted to control you that’s why he said you guys were monogamous.” She looks at me with her game face on. Dr. Steph has entered my office.
“Yeah.” I let out a long sigh. She’s right. I need to stop comparing myself to others, but the fear of becoming them is greater. It’s easier to not care.
“Sorry. I don’t want to stress you out when you have that deadline, but all I’m saying is for you to give him a chance and prove yourself wrong.”
“Thanks, Steph. I know. I just need to think.”
Chapter 5
I continue to replay this morning with Grayson and my talk with Steph, confused about how it felt to sleep with someone in my bed and the comfort of this morning. It was like he belonged there, in my bed, in my apartment, in my arms. And that thought scares the crap out of me. I should just tell Grayson that being friends isn’t going to work. I need to protect myself, but I also know there’s no way he can’t not be in my life. I need him in it the same way I need oxygen to live.
Fortunately, I am able to get work done and finish before my deadline. Toni seems pleased with my work. I continue to impress her with my dedication and wit. I know she’s aware that I am working really hard, but being reassured that I am doing a great job is always nice. My phone vibrates as I’m packing up for the day. It’s Grayson.
Hey, want to grab a quick bite? It’s been a hell of a day.
Sure. Leaving work now. Not a date. Where do you wanna meet? I reply knowing that I need him in my life somehow and being friends is the safest way.
Haha… no date, don’t worry. Wait for me. I’ll meet you at your building and we’ll walk together.
Okay, see you soon.
I wait a few minutes in my office and head down to wait for Grayson outside. I need some fresh air anyway, it’s been a hectic day and I didn’t even go out for lunch. I also need to clear my mind. The thoughts swirling in my mind are overwhelming to say the least. I feel like there’s a constant battle going on inside me, the Mia Civil War. I see him approaching and smile. I feel safe when he’s around. He looks good. One thing’s for sure, he’s hot, and I woke up to him this morning.
As he gets closer, I notice his hair is all disheveled and his eyes look tired, the turbulent green overpowering the peaceful blue. Even like this he’s hotter than any other guy I’ve met. I just want to run my hands through his hair. Most girls may never admit this, but we are a lot like guys at times. We also think about sex a lot, we just aren’t as aggressive or obvious.
“Hey, you okay?” I ask knowing what his response will be. He mentioned having a bad day, but I guess I wasn’t expecting to see him so upset.
“Hi. I’m okay. Better now. Thanks for meeting up.”
“Anytime.” And when I say that I think I mean it. I feel an unexpected need to comfort him. “Let’s go eat. I’m hungry. There’s a burger place nearby. Is that alright or you want something different?”
“That’s perfect. Let’s go, Sweet Pea.” He puts his arms around my shoulder and pulls me in for a hug. He lets go ,
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