and double dated.
She had always wondered, but about three
years ago, she had embraced the fact that she was gay. In the past, she had
dated men and enjoyed them, but it never fit. For her. She’d suppressed the
feelings for a long time but had never quite felt whole.
Until she finally had the nerve to join the
LGBTQ community at university. The group had literally saved her. It wasn’t
easy, and she must have walked by the meetings a dozen times before she had the
courage to go in and introduce herself. But then, being gay had felt so right. She
could be herself and enjoy the company of other women.
She dated women now and felt whole and alive
and well. Except she hadn’t come out to her family or friends. She wasn’t ready
for that and wasn’t sure if she ever would be. She hoped someday. But it wasn’t
yet. So she had never mentioned it to Kalia.
When Kalia had called and told her about
the baby, Krista had ached to be a part of this new family. She loved Kalia. She
pictured herself with Kalia and the baby, in the new little house, like a real
family, with a baby to love and take care of. It would be so perfect.
So she’d never asked about the father. She
hadn’t wanted to know that Kalia still loved him or that he might come and take
her place in the family or take the baby away. She hadn’t wanted him to upset
her dream.
She had wondered if Kalia even knew who the
father was. He was never mentioned. Ever. Krista just assumed that Kalia didn’t
know and didn’t care. And that was good.
But obviously this wasn’t good. Kalia
obviously did have feelings for him. Maybe it was just the shock of learning
about his death through an email. That was brutal, almost cruel. She looked at
Kalia and stroked her hair in comfort. It was heartbreaking to see someone she
loved so distressed.
“C-c-could you look into booking a flight
for me? Please,” Kalia asked quietly.
Krista wiped away the tears on Kalia’s
cheeks and sighed. “Kalia, they won’t let you fly at this late stage of your
pregnancy. The airlines have rules about that.”
Kalia looked at her with wide eyes. “But I
have to go. I have to.”
Krista felt her own eyes tear up. “I’m
sorry, love. I don’t think you can. You’re due any day now. I could call the
airline, but I’m almost certain they won’t allow anyone over thirty-six weeks
on a commercial flight. The risk of delivering is too high.”
Krista watched, worrying, as Kalia’s
tear-streaked face went paler still.
“I can’t go?” Kalia asked in a daze,
staring out into space.
“No,” Krista whispered, rubbing Kalia’s
hands. “When’s the last time you spoke to him, Kalia?”
“Umm . . . the night we made love.”
“Did you try to contact him when you found
out you were pregnant?”
“No. No, I didn’t.” Kalia’s breath hitched.
“I was going to. I meant to. I was planning on waiting until the baby was born.
I thought it would be better to wait, to, you know, make sure everything turned
out okay. Then I would tell him.” It was a moment before she could speak. “Didn’t
really factor in that he might die in the meantime,” she whispered. “I’ve
missed him so much. He told me he could only give me one night. He didn’t
explain why, and I didn’t ask. I wanted one night. I’ve tried to get on with my
life. And having to deal with the pregnancy, a new place, that helped.” She
wiped away tears with the back of her hand. “But, God, I missed him. I couldn’t
wait for the baby to be born because then I was going to contact him. I didn’t
want to jinx anything–” She winced. “I know, it sounds stupid when I say
it out loud now, but I didn’t want to, I don’t know, create a big hoopla–”
she waved her hand in the air “–for nothing.
“I didn’t have the chance to say good-bye
that night, and I won’t have the chance to say good-bye now.”
Krista gathered Kalia close. Some day she
hoped Kalia would feel that deeply for her.
She
She had always wondered, but about three
years ago, she had embraced the fact that she was gay. In the past, she had
dated men and enjoyed them, but it never fit. For her. She’d suppressed the
feelings for a long time but had never quite felt whole.
Until she finally had the nerve to join the
LGBTQ community at university. The group had literally saved her. It wasn’t
easy, and she must have walked by the meetings a dozen times before she had the
courage to go in and introduce herself. But then, being gay had felt so right. She
could be herself and enjoy the company of other women.
She dated women now and felt whole and alive
and well. Except she hadn’t come out to her family or friends. She wasn’t ready
for that and wasn’t sure if she ever would be. She hoped someday. But it wasn’t
yet. So she had never mentioned it to Kalia.
When Kalia had called and told her about
the baby, Krista had ached to be a part of this new family. She loved Kalia. She
pictured herself with Kalia and the baby, in the new little house, like a real
family, with a baby to love and take care of. It would be so perfect.
So she’d never asked about the father. She
hadn’t wanted to know that Kalia still loved him or that he might come and take
her place in the family or take the baby away. She hadn’t wanted him to upset
her dream.
She had wondered if Kalia even knew who the
father was. He was never mentioned. Ever. Krista just assumed that Kalia didn’t
know and didn’t care. And that was good.
But obviously this wasn’t good. Kalia
obviously did have feelings for him. Maybe it was just the shock of learning
about his death through an email. That was brutal, almost cruel. She looked at
Kalia and stroked her hair in comfort. It was heartbreaking to see someone she
loved so distressed.
“C-c-could you look into booking a flight
for me? Please,” Kalia asked quietly.
Krista wiped away the tears on Kalia’s
cheeks and sighed. “Kalia, they won’t let you fly at this late stage of your
pregnancy. The airlines have rules about that.”
Kalia looked at her with wide eyes. “But I
have to go. I have to.”
Krista felt her own eyes tear up. “I’m
sorry, love. I don’t think you can. You’re due any day now. I could call the
airline, but I’m almost certain they won’t allow anyone over thirty-six weeks
on a commercial flight. The risk of delivering is too high.”
Krista watched, worrying, as Kalia’s
tear-streaked face went paler still.
“I can’t go?” Kalia asked in a daze,
staring out into space.
“No,” Krista whispered, rubbing Kalia’s
hands. “When’s the last time you spoke to him, Kalia?”
“Umm . . . the night we made love.”
“Did you try to contact him when you found
out you were pregnant?”
“No. No, I didn’t.” Kalia’s breath hitched.
“I was going to. I meant to. I was planning on waiting until the baby was born.
I thought it would be better to wait, to, you know, make sure everything turned
out okay. Then I would tell him.” It was a moment before she could speak. “Didn’t
really factor in that he might die in the meantime,” she whispered. “I’ve
missed him so much. He told me he could only give me one night. He didn’t
explain why, and I didn’t ask. I wanted one night. I’ve tried to get on with my
life. And having to deal with the pregnancy, a new place, that helped.” She
wiped away tears with the back of her hand. “But, God, I missed him. I couldn’t
wait for the baby to be born because then I was going to contact him. I didn’t
want to jinx anything–” She winced. “I know, it sounds stupid when I say
it out loud now, but I didn’t want to, I don’t know, create a big hoopla–”
she waved her hand in the air “–for nothing.
“I didn’t have the chance to say good-bye
that night, and I won’t have the chance to say good-bye now.”
Krista gathered Kalia close. Some day she
hoped Kalia would feel that deeply for her.
She
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