indifference fell on his wrinkled features and his eyes stared at nothing in particular. I could feel a slight pressure in my head as he looked around for the information he wanted. It never hurt, but it was an unusual sensation and made me feel vulnerable. When Jessica had probed me, I would think of vulgar and sexual things I wanted to do to her, just to get her to yell at me. That wouldn’t apply here.
After a few minutes Hania sat back. I looked at Josh, hoping he was too distracted to listen.
Hania closed his laptop. “It’s true,” he said quietly. “You found her.”
I looked at the table and took a deep breath.
“I think over time you’ll realize the harder you try to resist it, the stronger the pull will be,” he said.
I mindlessly touched my chest, acknowledging the aching sensation. Just as I had found Ash, I knew this feeling would lead me directly to the tattooed girl. I dropped my hand and looked at him. “I don’t fucking want it. Look what it did to Ash.”
“If you go to her, it would break the bond between you and Ashley.” He smiled crookedly. “At the risk of sounding cliché, love conquers all.”
”Yeah, right,” I said.
He chuckled. “Did you ever wonder why the demon didn’t infiltrate Verloren’s mind? He couldn’t. The demon could never force Verloren to do anything against Ashley because Verloren loved her. That’s why you still had your mind when Jesse was controlling you. You love her, it’s not a hundredth of the love that Verloren had for her. But you do love her… just like you love Lex.”
I glanced at Josh, just as a warning to keep silent. He didn’t seem to have heard.
Hania chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s not like that. There are so many varying degrees of love that you kids don’t understand. You loved Verloren too. That’s one of the many reasons you can’t let go of Ashley. You see him in her. You see the same void that she does, the place where he should be, right beside her. Now both of you see him in Abby. What Ash did to that girl was wrong, but I can’t condemn her. She’s given Sarah back her title of ‘mother’.”
“So no one is freaking out about that?” I asked.
“At first it was a heated topic, and then Sarah came home,” Hania said.
Silence was filled with the sounds of the video game and the tapping of Josh’s fingers on the buttons of the controller.
“Do you think Verloren will come back?” I asked.
“That, I don’t know. Only time will tell.” He hesitat ed. “But until then, I see you’re determined to fill that void for Ash, even if she won’t let it escalate to a physical level. In the process you are going to sacrifice a happiness that can’t be put into words. Jason… he might not come back. We might as well say that he is not coming back and kill all hope. Where does that leave you? Old and dying like me, and Ashley will still have not moved any closer to death. She will be left with another, but different, void when you’re dead. Who will fill it then?”
“Exactly,” I said. “Who is going to take care of her if I leave? She’ll die. Look what happened in a few months. And what about me and this girl, what happens when one of us dies?” He sat unmoving. I pointed toward the pool. “The same thing that happened to Ash.” I crossed my arms and glared at him.
“What is happening to Ashley is different. When you are immortal, and you know you are never going to find your soul mate again, it’s devastating. With us who get reborn, we know we will find the other again. It might not be in the next life, but it will happen again. It is never going to happen again for her. It will for you. You’re an idiot if you deny yourself in this life. In time you’re going to die, Jason, and when you’re reincarnated you will forget all about Ashley. Eventually, you’ll run into your soul mate in another life. It’s a continuous cycle.”
“If it is going to happen again, then I’ll wait for next
After a few minutes Hania sat back. I looked at Josh, hoping he was too distracted to listen.
Hania closed his laptop. “It’s true,” he said quietly. “You found her.”
I looked at the table and took a deep breath.
“I think over time you’ll realize the harder you try to resist it, the stronger the pull will be,” he said.
I mindlessly touched my chest, acknowledging the aching sensation. Just as I had found Ash, I knew this feeling would lead me directly to the tattooed girl. I dropped my hand and looked at him. “I don’t fucking want it. Look what it did to Ash.”
“If you go to her, it would break the bond between you and Ashley.” He smiled crookedly. “At the risk of sounding cliché, love conquers all.”
”Yeah, right,” I said.
He chuckled. “Did you ever wonder why the demon didn’t infiltrate Verloren’s mind? He couldn’t. The demon could never force Verloren to do anything against Ashley because Verloren loved her. That’s why you still had your mind when Jesse was controlling you. You love her, it’s not a hundredth of the love that Verloren had for her. But you do love her… just like you love Lex.”
I glanced at Josh, just as a warning to keep silent. He didn’t seem to have heard.
Hania chuckled. “Don’t worry, it’s not like that. There are so many varying degrees of love that you kids don’t understand. You loved Verloren too. That’s one of the many reasons you can’t let go of Ashley. You see him in her. You see the same void that she does, the place where he should be, right beside her. Now both of you see him in Abby. What Ash did to that girl was wrong, but I can’t condemn her. She’s given Sarah back her title of ‘mother’.”
“So no one is freaking out about that?” I asked.
“At first it was a heated topic, and then Sarah came home,” Hania said.
Silence was filled with the sounds of the video game and the tapping of Josh’s fingers on the buttons of the controller.
“Do you think Verloren will come back?” I asked.
“That, I don’t know. Only time will tell.” He hesitat ed. “But until then, I see you’re determined to fill that void for Ash, even if she won’t let it escalate to a physical level. In the process you are going to sacrifice a happiness that can’t be put into words. Jason… he might not come back. We might as well say that he is not coming back and kill all hope. Where does that leave you? Old and dying like me, and Ashley will still have not moved any closer to death. She will be left with another, but different, void when you’re dead. Who will fill it then?”
“Exactly,” I said. “Who is going to take care of her if I leave? She’ll die. Look what happened in a few months. And what about me and this girl, what happens when one of us dies?” He sat unmoving. I pointed toward the pool. “The same thing that happened to Ash.” I crossed my arms and glared at him.
“What is happening to Ashley is different. When you are immortal, and you know you are never going to find your soul mate again, it’s devastating. With us who get reborn, we know we will find the other again. It might not be in the next life, but it will happen again. It is never going to happen again for her. It will for you. You’re an idiot if you deny yourself in this life. In time you’re going to die, Jason, and when you’re reincarnated you will forget all about Ashley. Eventually, you’ll run into your soul mate in another life. It’s a continuous cycle.”
“If it is going to happen again, then I’ll wait for next
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