Phosphorescence by Raffaella Barker

now.’ She leans confidentially towards me. ‘I’ve snogged him in fact, but it was a year ago, so I don’t think it counts any more. Do you?’
    â€˜Umm. Err, maybe,’ I mutter. Ohmigod, this is terrifying, just terrifying. I have never been much of a boffin, but I am beginning to wish that there was no gap between lessons, and no time for talking ever. I mean, how obvious is it that I have never kissed a boy, let alone gone on a date? Why didn’t I try to get Josh to snog me? I’m sure he would have done if we hadn’t become such good friends. Oh, why did I ever go and look after Sadie and become friends with his mum? I really needed that potential experience.
    Falling behind badly on the boyfriend front, I am not much better on accessories, despite my amazing shopping trips with Mum. My phone is a different make to everyone else’s, which is fine, except it is much bigger – like the mobile phone equivalent of being fat. And my clothes are new in the wrong way.
    â€˜How can clothes be new in the wrong way?’ Mum is incredulous. ‘Surely they’re new or they’re not?’
    I hurl myself back on the sofa, and the taut anxiety which has been holding me together all day collapses. Tears roll down my cheeks.
    â€˜Oh, Mum, you wouldn’t understand. You can’t just wear everything new and expect it to look – oh – there’s no point in trying to tell you.’
    I don’t want to see the hurt look on Mum’s face, and I don’t want her to start telling me everything is fine, because it’s not. I need to call Nell, right now. Nell understands, and goes straight to the point.
    â€˜So what did you wear?’ is her first question, followed by, ‘How unfriendly were they?’
    Hugging the phone to my chest, I stretch out on the floor, facing the base of the sofa, my back to Mum and the room.
    â€˜Oh, Nell, it’s so weird. I am not on their planet. I don’t have the stuff and I haven’t done anything. There’s this girl in my form going out with a sixth-former.’
    I stand up and go through to my room, cradling the cordless phone between neck and ear.
    Nell cuts strictly through the whimpering note in my voice. ‘Well, Josh is a sixth-former, isn’t he? It’s not that weird.’
    â€˜Yeah, but I didn’t go out with Josh, did I?’
    â€˜I know that, you know that, but
they
don’t, do they?’
    A reluctant giggle surfaces for a moment, but dies again.
    â€˜Oh, Nell, they go out on dates and they meet in bars in the evening. No one will ever want to meet me, and there’s this teacher called Mr Christoff and he sat on my hand when he was explaining something in maths to me.’
    â€˜Ooh, gross,’ murmurs Nell. ‘Does his breath smell? Our new geography teacher is a woman. She’s called Miss Harris. Actually, she’s more like a girl, really. She’s only about twenty-five and all the maleteachers follow her around with spaced-out hungry faces. It’s so rank, it’s unreal.’
    I am restless with the phone, and now I lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the taps, partly because I want a bath, but also just in case Mum might be listening. I pour in some bath essence.
    â€˜Lola!’ Nell’s voice is distant. ‘Are you in the loo?’
    â€˜No, I’m running a bath and it’s going to be blue thanks to little Sadie’s leaving present. Actually, it’s a bit gross – it smells like those cartoon yoghurts Sadie likes, but anyway, I can’t be bothered to let it all run out. No one will be near enough me to smell it anyway.’
    Nell sighs.
    â€˜Come on, Lola, you’ve got to make the best of it. I think it would be brilliant to be in London. What about the shops? I’m going to fix a weekend with Mum when she’ll let me come and see you. I’ve got to go now, I haven’t done my homework and