Plastic by Christopher Fowler

said, and kept repeating ‘A dildo?’ Mechanical laughter punctuated his lines as he greedily eyed the camera. I went to the window. In the street outside, an old man slipped on the kerb and fell over. There was no-one to help him up. I could have gone to his aid, but remained frozen on the spot. He managed to get himself onto his knees, but the contents of his grocery bag had spilled across the road.
    A few minutes later, Gordon walked into the kitchen and stood at the sink surreptitiously picking his teeth. ‘I can’t stop,’ he told me. ‘I just wanted to let you know that it went very well.’
    ‘What went well?’ I asked, dreading the answer.
    ‘The people who saw the house. A middle-aged couple, they want to make an offer. Not proper Chinese, Asians or something. I wonder if I put it on the market too low. I thought you might prefer to stay with your mother for a while.’
    ‘I can’t go all the way to Leamington Spa.’ She had been living with her cantankerous sister since my father died. ‘Besides, I haven’t told her about us.’
    ‘Well, it’s time you did, isn’t it?’
    ‘Why can’t I just stay here?’
    ‘Well, you can...’ Gordon looked doubtful. ‘Only most of the furniture’s going tomorrow.’
    ‘What do you mean? Where’s it going?’
    ‘To auction. I told you, I have to act quickly. You’re not the only one who’s out of cash.’ He made a half-hearted attempt to look apologetic. ‘I have to go. Hilary’s got a stopover in Amsterdam and said I could go with her.’ He couldn’t get out of the house fast enough, as excited as a schoolboy on a date. ‘I’ll move the rest of my stuff out tomorrow, and I’ll leave you a couple of suitcases in the bedroom. Don’t worry about the house. I can keep an eye on it from next door.’
    ‘I thought perhaps we should talk about practicalities,’ I whispered.
    ‘You mean the money. Look, I’ll be fair, okay? I’ll help you out with the debt, get you into a rented flat. Don’t worry, just go to your mother’s and read your books and I’ll sort it all out when I get back. You might want to go through all your designer clothes, see what you still need. Put the rest on one side and I’ll include them in the auction. The cash could be useful for you.’
    ‘What else is going?’
    ‘They’ll take the furniture if we want them to. Why don’t you just leave out the things that have sentimental value?’
    ‘What about the things that have sentimental value for you?’
    He thought for a hasty moment. ‘There’s nothing I want to keep. I’m going for a fresh start.’
    He was whistling as he went out of the front door. I had never seen him so happy, caught up in the energy of making new plans. I wondered how we had managed to misjudge each other to such a degree. Across the street, I saw Lou’s front door open. She emerged carrying a Nike gym-bag with a rolled towel sticking out of it.
    ‘Can I come with you?’ I called.
    ‘I’m well over the limit,’ she warned me, throwing open the passenger door of her silver Saab. ‘If I go, you go.’
    ‘I just need some air.’ I climbed in and unrolled the window to let the smoke out.
    ‘Darren just came home armed with a bunch of fluorescent daisies and a box of Terry’s All Gold. I have a feeling he may be after intimacy. I had to get out before I was tempted to put ground glass in his coffee. Did you reach a decision about your future?’ Lou looked for a flat surface to stand her Rum Sour on and dug out her keys. At least she’d had the sense to pour her cocktail into a McDonald’s shake cup.
    ‘I guess that’s up to Gordon now. I’m not going to my mother’s house. She’d worm the truth out of me, and then we’d just fight.’
    ‘You can’t go on living in the house until he kicks you out. Have you no pride?’ Lou started the car and lurched away from the kerb.
    ‘I think he’ll just spend his time next door. He wouldn’t auction off the bed, would he?’
    ‘So