again. Helen felt the sharp spasm of pain dissipate into an all-over tingling. Her heart was pumping, her headache receding, the endorphins pulsing round her brain. Her dark thoughts were in full flight now – punishment as always her saviour. As Jake brought the crop down for the fourth time, Helen realized that, for the first time in days, she felt truly relaxed. And more than that, she felt happy.
16
He had left his wedding ring on. As he turned the steering wheel, manoeuvring the car over Redbridge Causeway, he caught sight of the gold band nestling on his fourth finger. He cursed himself – he was still bloody green at this. Looking up, he noticed that she had clocked his discomfort.
‘Don’t worry, love. Most of my punters are married. Nobody’s judging you here.’
She smiled at him, then turned to look out of the window. He chanced another, longer look at her. She was just how he’d hoped she’d be. Young, fit, her long legs clad in thigh-high plastic boots. A short skirt, a loose top that revealed her large breasts and elbow-length gloves – were they to arouse or simply to ward off the perishing cold? A pale face with high cheekbones and then that striking hair – long, black and straight.
He had picked her up on Cemetery Road, just south of the Common. There was no one around at that time of night, which suited them both. They headed west, crossed the river and on her instructions had cut off down a narrow side road. They were approaching Eling Great Marsh, a lonely strip of land that looks back towards thedocks. During daylight hours, nature lovers come here searching for wildlife, but at night it was used by a very different clientele.
They parked up and for a moment sat in silence. She delved in her bag for a condom, placing it on the dashboard.
‘You’re going to have to tip your seat back or I’m not going to be able to do anything,’ she said gently.
Smiling, he shunted his chair back abruptly, then slowly lowered it to allow them more wriggle room. Already her gloved hand was casually brushing over his groin, provoking an erection.
‘Mind if I keep these on?’ she asked. ‘It’s more fun that way.’
He nodded, desire rendering him mute. She began to unzip his trousers.
‘Close your eyes, honey, and let me take care of you.’
He did as he was told. She was in command and he liked it that way. It was nice to be taken care of for once, to be free of responsibility, to please oneself. When did he ever get the chance to do that?
Unbidden, an image of Jessica popped into his mind. His loving wife of two years, the mother of his child, unsuspecting, betrayed … He pushed the thought away, swallowing this sudden intrusion of real life. It had no place here. This was his fantasy made flesh. This was his moment. And despite the feelings of guilt that now circled him, he was going to enjoy it.
17
It was nearly midnight when he returned home. The house was dark and still, as it always seemed to be. Nicola would be sleeping peacefully upstairs, her carer camped by her side, reading a book by torchlight. Usually this was an image that cheered him – a cosy cocoon for his wife – but tonight the thought of it saddened him. A fierce sense of loss ripped through him, sudden and hard.
Dropping his keys on the table, Tony Bridges hurried upstairs to relieve Anna, who’d been helping look after Nicola for nearly eighteen months now. Tony was suddenly aware that he’d had too much to drink. He’d left the car by the pub and cabbed it home, allowing him the luxury of drinking. Caught up in the emotion of Charlie’s return, he’d ended up having four or five pints and he swayed slightly on the stairs. He was allowed to have a life of course, but still he always felt ashamed when Anna – or, worse, Nicola’s mother – caught him drinking. Would his speech give him away? The smell of alcohol on his breath? He tried his best to look sober and walked into Nicola’s
16
He had left his wedding ring on. As he turned the steering wheel, manoeuvring the car over Redbridge Causeway, he caught sight of the gold band nestling on his fourth finger. He cursed himself – he was still bloody green at this. Looking up, he noticed that she had clocked his discomfort.
‘Don’t worry, love. Most of my punters are married. Nobody’s judging you here.’
She smiled at him, then turned to look out of the window. He chanced another, longer look at her. She was just how he’d hoped she’d be. Young, fit, her long legs clad in thigh-high plastic boots. A short skirt, a loose top that revealed her large breasts and elbow-length gloves – were they to arouse or simply to ward off the perishing cold? A pale face with high cheekbones and then that striking hair – long, black and straight.
He had picked her up on Cemetery Road, just south of the Common. There was no one around at that time of night, which suited them both. They headed west, crossed the river and on her instructions had cut off down a narrow side road. They were approaching Eling Great Marsh, a lonely strip of land that looks back towards thedocks. During daylight hours, nature lovers come here searching for wildlife, but at night it was used by a very different clientele.
They parked up and for a moment sat in silence. She delved in her bag for a condom, placing it on the dashboard.
‘You’re going to have to tip your seat back or I’m not going to be able to do anything,’ she said gently.
Smiling, he shunted his chair back abruptly, then slowly lowered it to allow them more wriggle room. Already her gloved hand was casually brushing over his groin, provoking an erection.
‘Mind if I keep these on?’ she asked. ‘It’s more fun that way.’
He nodded, desire rendering him mute. She began to unzip his trousers.
‘Close your eyes, honey, and let me take care of you.’
He did as he was told. She was in command and he liked it that way. It was nice to be taken care of for once, to be free of responsibility, to please oneself. When did he ever get the chance to do that?
Unbidden, an image of Jessica popped into his mind. His loving wife of two years, the mother of his child, unsuspecting, betrayed … He pushed the thought away, swallowing this sudden intrusion of real life. It had no place here. This was his fantasy made flesh. This was his moment. And despite the feelings of guilt that now circled him, he was going to enjoy it.
17
It was nearly midnight when he returned home. The house was dark and still, as it always seemed to be. Nicola would be sleeping peacefully upstairs, her carer camped by her side, reading a book by torchlight. Usually this was an image that cheered him – a cosy cocoon for his wife – but tonight the thought of it saddened him. A fierce sense of loss ripped through him, sudden and hard.
Dropping his keys on the table, Tony Bridges hurried upstairs to relieve Anna, who’d been helping look after Nicola for nearly eighteen months now. Tony was suddenly aware that he’d had too much to drink. He’d left the car by the pub and cabbed it home, allowing him the luxury of drinking. Caught up in the emotion of Charlie’s return, he’d ended up having four or five pints and he swayed slightly on the stairs. He was allowed to have a life of course, but still he always felt ashamed when Anna – or, worse, Nicola’s mother – caught him drinking. Would his speech give him away? The smell of alcohol on his breath? He tried his best to look sober and walked into Nicola’s
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