mate!”
So Mr. Bamblebury said, “Yes, Shiraz, thank you, and your comments were very spirited… although there was no need to call
Max Blackford an ignorant-ass knobhead, was there?”
“Yeah, sorry ’bout that, Mr. Bamblebury,” I said. “I got a bit worked up.”
Mr. Bamblebury said that the Mayflower Sixth Formers already hold a “considerably weighty influence” around the school and
that we needed to “take prime advantage” of this and “set a good example.” So I said, “What does that mean in normal English?”
and that’s when Ms. Bracket stepped in and said that maybe the Sixth Formers could think about starting a little “Increase
the Peace” campaign? Maybe I could plan a little assembly telling the Year Sevens to Elevens about the dangers of becoming
involved with gangs and weapons and persuading them to go to Sixth Form instead and “be just like me.”
BE JUST LIKE ME!?
I stared at them both like they were a pair of mentals for a bit. Then I said, “Eh? Why me? Why do I have to do it?” and Mr.
Bamblebury said that the great thing about me was that I could really speak to the kids “at their level” and get through to
them. Mr. Bamblebury said most of the time he can’t understand what any of the kids are even saying, like earlier that day
he’d heard some Year Seven boy shouting, “Dat Bracket woman is nang, bruv” and he didn’t know whether to tell him off as he
didn’t know what “nangbruv” was.
So I told Mr. Bamblebury that “nang” was good ’cos it means Ms. Bracket is good, she’s like, cool. Mr. Bamblebury looked proper
pleased then. Then he said that he’d also heard that the Year Tens had all started calling him “Mr. Bumbleclot” instead of
Mr. Bamblebury and he didn’t know whether that was a good or bad thing either? And at that point I decided to do the “Increase
the Peace” campaign for Mr. Bamblebury ’cos to be honest I felt a bit sorry for him.
FRIDAY 3RD OCTOBER—SHIRAZ BAILEY WOOD’S BIRTHDAY!
I am seventeen today. Seventeen! Proper ancient! I thought seventeen might feel different, like suddenly I’d wake up feeling
well mature and start watching
Emmerdale
and enjoying brussels sprouts and doing word-searches but it ain’t like that at all. Seventeen just feels like sixteen.
When do you suddenly start feeling like a grown-up, I wonder? When do you suddenly get all your grown-up brain cells and know
whether you’re doing the right thing with your life and where you’re going? When does that all come?
I asked my mother about it this morning and she said the moment she knew she was a grown-up was this day in the early ’90s
when she found herself in ShopRite in Romford and Cava-Sue had just started school and I was only a toddler and Murphy was
just born and her mum had just died and suddenly she was in charge of everybody and she still felt like a kid herself but
she weren’t no more and she was staring at this packet of rice pudding like her mum used to make her and she realized she
didn’t know how to cook it and there was no one to tell her anymore and she had a panic attack and the manager had to take
her to his office and make her a cup of sweet tea.
“Anyway,” my mother said, chucking me a card in an envelope. “Don’t worry about that now. Happy Birthday.” Mum gave me a card
on behalf of everyone in the family with a £20 gift card for TJ Maxx, then my Wesley came round tonight and took me out to
Pizza Hut.
Wesley bought me a gold bracelet from Elizabeth Duke which sort of matches my locket. He is such a nice person. It’s proper
chunky though. “’Ere, Mum,” I said to her once he’d gone. “You don’t think this is a bit too bling if I wear it with the locket
and the hoops is it?”
“Don’t be soft,” Mum said, “You can’t never wear too much gold.”
MONDAY 6TH OCTOBER
I’ve started recruiting people to take part in the Mayflower Academy: Increase
So Mr. Bamblebury said, “Yes, Shiraz, thank you, and your comments were very spirited… although there was no need to call
Max Blackford an ignorant-ass knobhead, was there?”
“Yeah, sorry ’bout that, Mr. Bamblebury,” I said. “I got a bit worked up.”
Mr. Bamblebury said that the Mayflower Sixth Formers already hold a “considerably weighty influence” around the school and
that we needed to “take prime advantage” of this and “set a good example.” So I said, “What does that mean in normal English?”
and that’s when Ms. Bracket stepped in and said that maybe the Sixth Formers could think about starting a little “Increase
the Peace” campaign? Maybe I could plan a little assembly telling the Year Sevens to Elevens about the dangers of becoming
involved with gangs and weapons and persuading them to go to Sixth Form instead and “be just like me.”
BE JUST LIKE ME!?
I stared at them both like they were a pair of mentals for a bit. Then I said, “Eh? Why me? Why do I have to do it?” and Mr.
Bamblebury said that the great thing about me was that I could really speak to the kids “at their level” and get through to
them. Mr. Bamblebury said most of the time he can’t understand what any of the kids are even saying, like earlier that day
he’d heard some Year Seven boy shouting, “Dat Bracket woman is nang, bruv” and he didn’t know whether to tell him off as he
didn’t know what “nangbruv” was.
So I told Mr. Bamblebury that “nang” was good ’cos it means Ms. Bracket is good, she’s like, cool. Mr. Bamblebury looked proper
pleased then. Then he said that he’d also heard that the Year Tens had all started calling him “Mr. Bumbleclot” instead of
Mr. Bamblebury and he didn’t know whether that was a good or bad thing either? And at that point I decided to do the “Increase
the Peace” campaign for Mr. Bamblebury ’cos to be honest I felt a bit sorry for him.
FRIDAY 3RD OCTOBER—SHIRAZ BAILEY WOOD’S BIRTHDAY!
I am seventeen today. Seventeen! Proper ancient! I thought seventeen might feel different, like suddenly I’d wake up feeling
well mature and start watching
Emmerdale
and enjoying brussels sprouts and doing word-searches but it ain’t like that at all. Seventeen just feels like sixteen.
When do you suddenly start feeling like a grown-up, I wonder? When do you suddenly get all your grown-up brain cells and know
whether you’re doing the right thing with your life and where you’re going? When does that all come?
I asked my mother about it this morning and she said the moment she knew she was a grown-up was this day in the early ’90s
when she found herself in ShopRite in Romford and Cava-Sue had just started school and I was only a toddler and Murphy was
just born and her mum had just died and suddenly she was in charge of everybody and she still felt like a kid herself but
she weren’t no more and she was staring at this packet of rice pudding like her mum used to make her and she realized she
didn’t know how to cook it and there was no one to tell her anymore and she had a panic attack and the manager had to take
her to his office and make her a cup of sweet tea.
“Anyway,” my mother said, chucking me a card in an envelope. “Don’t worry about that now. Happy Birthday.” Mum gave me a card
on behalf of everyone in the family with a £20 gift card for TJ Maxx, then my Wesley came round tonight and took me out to
Pizza Hut.
Wesley bought me a gold bracelet from Elizabeth Duke which sort of matches my locket. He is such a nice person. It’s proper
chunky though. “’Ere, Mum,” I said to her once he’d gone. “You don’t think this is a bit too bling if I wear it with the locket
and the hoops is it?”
“Don’t be soft,” Mum said, “You can’t never wear too much gold.”
MONDAY 6TH OCTOBER
I’ve started recruiting people to take part in the Mayflower Academy: Increase
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