Primperfect by Deirdre Sullivan

but more like Aladdin from the Disney cartoon. Aladdin or Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid. If they had a baby, it would have been Creche Kevin), because he had dark twisty hair and light-up runners and freckles the colour of caramel.

    Felix is a bit like how I imagine straight haired, grown-up Kevin would look. Only without the light-up runners, obviously.

    I wish he liked me back.

    I wish Joel loved me again. The best-friend kind of love we used to share where both of us were family together.

    Sitting in the café beside Felix, I got a wave of jealousy for Joel. I will never have a life exciting enough to war rant interventions.

    Would it be weird to bring a series of helpful and informative sex-pamphlets to the café?

    Because you can get an STD from very little sexual contact if you are unlucky, and it’s best to be careful.

    I’d hate to get an STD — you’d feel all filthy.

    And not in a good way.

    Good-filthy is a nice feeling.

    But Kevin-shaped experience has taught me it is all too often followed by bad-filthy.

    I wonder if Kevin ever felt bad-filthy after we hooked up?

    It can’t be just a girl thing. The shame of letting yourself be taken for granted.

    He was the granted-taker, though, so was probably fine.

    If Duncan ever takes Joel for granted I will scratch his aging eyes out.

    There is so much I don’t know about how people interact romantically. I wish I had a boyfriend.

    But then I would worry so much about keeping him and acting around him and whether or not he was interesting enough and whether or not I was. It would be pretty bothersome.

    Maybe boarding-school Robb could be my summer boy.
    I mean, I don’t exactly fancy him that much, but it would be a welcome distraction from not being a very good person.

    And also, it might make me feel prettier.
    Deirdre Sullivan

    I don’t feel very pretty at the moment.

    Not that being pretty is the be all and end all.

    But if you don’t feel like you are a very good person, feeling attractive on the outside couldn’t hurt.

    I am so looking forward to Saturday.

    I wonder how Joel will be. If he will hate me.

    He totally will.
    AA comes after Z in lists, a right-back-to-the-beginning that ties in with all of my problems. I have to work on being a better person than I am. But I am not going to do that by Saturday so the best I can do is have gossip.
    I texted Robb with two bees to meet up. I hate that Kevin cancelled our ice-cream because he has a girlfriend. It reeks of ‘I only want to be friends with you if there is hooking up as well as friendship’. And that is not OK. Although, that is kind of how I feel about Robb with two bees. Because he is not a very interesting boy, but he is quite cute and I could see myself enjoying kissing him, if only to stop him from talking. And show Kevin that he doesn’t matter. And show Joel that I have interesting things happen that he doesn’t know about. And to show Felix that other boys fancy me, that I am someone who it is possible to find attractive. Not that it will make a difference now, but it could stew like a tea-bag and result in

    at some point. Isn’t ‘ardour’ a lovely word? You never really hear it used, outside of a romance novel.

I am reading a book about a Viking who is a lot more supportive than Fintan. Is it too much to expect that the father of your child be as supportive as a storybook Viking? If not more-so? Though it would be tough to be more supportive than Godric the Bold. He had the local wise woman make balm for the tired feet of his lady-love and everything. My feet are also tired. And yet, I remain balm-less.
    Quote from Prim’s mum’s diary
    finally ran out of romance novels left behind by Mum last Christmas so I have been tracking down ones of a similar nature (knights, Vikings, sexy time travel) in charity shops for the past while. I wish that I could travel through time. Apart from the obvious,