stack of fruit-topped pancakes for me, scrambled eggs for Sawyer--but I didn't even look at it. Sawyer held my gaze for a brief moment, but the effort was too much for him. He glanced away.
"It's just really hard, being here without her," Sawyer said, looking out at the ocean. "I didn't want to come, but everyone insisted. And then seeing you .. . and you with him ..." My heart contracted. "Was Jen with Upton?"
Sawyer scoffed. His eyes looked glassy. "Everyone has been with Upton at some point." I knew this. Of course I knew this. It was all I had heard since before I'd met the guy. But my stomach turned nonetheless. Upton had been with Jen Hathaway. Sometime in the recent past, I had to assume, since it still stung Sawyer. A girl Upton had been with was dead. Had committed suicide.
Maybe he knew more about tragedy than I imagined.
"Anyway, I'm sorry," Sawyer said. "I didn't invite you here for this.
I thought ... I just thought it would be cool to hang out. You know, without everyone else." I took a deep breath. It was well past time to change the subject. I was grateful for the opening. "You're not big on crowds, huh?"
"Hate them," Sawyer said with a small, but wry, smile. "Especially this one. I've known them since I was a kid, but I've never felt like they wanted me around."
"Hmm ... I've been getting that too," I said.
"Jen made it easier," Sawyer told me, lifting his knife. He paused. Both of us were moving slowly, as if tentatively testing the waters to make sure we wanted to continue in each other's company. "She always figured out away to get me involved."
"Siblings can be good like that, "I said, thinking of my own brother, Scott, who had always let me hang out with his friends even when he thought I was a raving dork. I wondered how this trip might have been different if Jen were here. Whose side would she have taken?
Paige, Poppy, and Sienna hadn't spoken to me once at dinner last night. Hadn't even looked in my direction. I wondered if Jen would have sided with them and given me the cold shoulder, or if she would have been okay with me and Upton.
If Sawyer was right--if Jen and I were anything alike--I liked to think she would have been on my side.
"That's why I was so surprised when Kiran had the idea for this party. I thought she didn't know I existed," Sawyer said as he reached for the butter. "I'm kind of nervous about it, actually."
"Nervous?" I said. "Why?"
"No one's ever thrown a party for me before," he replied, blushing. "And I'm not big on the spotlight."
"Oh. Yeah. I get that." I cut into my pancakes as a stiff breeze caused the tropical flowers to dance in their planters. My shoulders started to relax. For a minute there I'd gotten so embroiled in the drama, I'd forgotten where I was, but now the fresh air rushed over me. Soothed me. "Don't worry. I'll make sure they don't get too crazy."
"Yeah?" Sawyer asked hopefully.
"Yeah," I replied. "I mean, I still think you deserve a party, but it can be more like a soiree and less of a--"
"Abrouhaha?" he asked.
"I was thinking hootenanny, but we can go with yours," I joked. Sawyer laughed and the last of the tension melted away from the table. Obviously he was still dealing with some strong emotions about his sister's death, so I wasn't about to hold a grudge about the things he'd said. I understood how that could happen. I was sure I'd said and done some regrettable things after Thomas had died. There was something reassuring about hanging out with someone who understood the dark side of things. Who wouldn't judge me if ever I suffered from verbal vomit.
I had a feeling that Sawyer and I were going to be really good friends.
STORY TELLING
I gripped the underside of my seat as the sailboat tipped sideways and sea spray showered over me, stinging the bare patches of skin. My heart lurched as we tipped even further and I looked down at my life vest. Was this skimpy little thing really going to keep me afloat when we capsized?
"It's
"It's just really hard, being here without her," Sawyer said, looking out at the ocean. "I didn't want to come, but everyone insisted. And then seeing you .. . and you with him ..." My heart contracted. "Was Jen with Upton?"
Sawyer scoffed. His eyes looked glassy. "Everyone has been with Upton at some point." I knew this. Of course I knew this. It was all I had heard since before I'd met the guy. But my stomach turned nonetheless. Upton had been with Jen Hathaway. Sometime in the recent past, I had to assume, since it still stung Sawyer. A girl Upton had been with was dead. Had committed suicide.
Maybe he knew more about tragedy than I imagined.
"Anyway, I'm sorry," Sawyer said. "I didn't invite you here for this.
I thought ... I just thought it would be cool to hang out. You know, without everyone else." I took a deep breath. It was well past time to change the subject. I was grateful for the opening. "You're not big on crowds, huh?"
"Hate them," Sawyer said with a small, but wry, smile. "Especially this one. I've known them since I was a kid, but I've never felt like they wanted me around."
"Hmm ... I've been getting that too," I said.
"Jen made it easier," Sawyer told me, lifting his knife. He paused. Both of us were moving slowly, as if tentatively testing the waters to make sure we wanted to continue in each other's company. "She always figured out away to get me involved."
"Siblings can be good like that, "I said, thinking of my own brother, Scott, who had always let me hang out with his friends even when he thought I was a raving dork. I wondered how this trip might have been different if Jen were here. Whose side would she have taken?
Paige, Poppy, and Sienna hadn't spoken to me once at dinner last night. Hadn't even looked in my direction. I wondered if Jen would have sided with them and given me the cold shoulder, or if she would have been okay with me and Upton.
If Sawyer was right--if Jen and I were anything alike--I liked to think she would have been on my side.
"That's why I was so surprised when Kiran had the idea for this party. I thought she didn't know I existed," Sawyer said as he reached for the butter. "I'm kind of nervous about it, actually."
"Nervous?" I said. "Why?"
"No one's ever thrown a party for me before," he replied, blushing. "And I'm not big on the spotlight."
"Oh. Yeah. I get that." I cut into my pancakes as a stiff breeze caused the tropical flowers to dance in their planters. My shoulders started to relax. For a minute there I'd gotten so embroiled in the drama, I'd forgotten where I was, but now the fresh air rushed over me. Soothed me. "Don't worry. I'll make sure they don't get too crazy."
"Yeah?" Sawyer asked hopefully.
"Yeah," I replied. "I mean, I still think you deserve a party, but it can be more like a soiree and less of a--"
"Abrouhaha?" he asked.
"I was thinking hootenanny, but we can go with yours," I joked. Sawyer laughed and the last of the tension melted away from the table. Obviously he was still dealing with some strong emotions about his sister's death, so I wasn't about to hold a grudge about the things he'd said. I understood how that could happen. I was sure I'd said and done some regrettable things after Thomas had died. There was something reassuring about hanging out with someone who understood the dark side of things. Who wouldn't judge me if ever I suffered from verbal vomit.
I had a feeling that Sawyer and I were going to be really good friends.
STORY TELLING
I gripped the underside of my seat as the sailboat tipped sideways and sea spray showered over me, stinging the bare patches of skin. My heart lurched as we tipped even further and I looked down at my life vest. Was this skimpy little thing really going to keep me afloat when we capsized?
"It's
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