racing at a mile a minute. I can't believe the disaster I have just created for myself. I punch my steering wheel with the palm of my hand, wanting to kick myself over everything with Chris and Lisa, Tyler, and now, Alex.
What is wrong with me? I have the opportunity to pursue something with Alex but what do I do instead? I run like a scaredy-cat in the opposite direction like I do with every other potential relationship in my life before him. I feel a slight panic run through me at the thought of how my past has taken over my entire life, shaping a lot of my decisions. Something's got to give… soon.
I take a few calming breaths before I decide to turn the radio on. The opening bars of Van Morrison's " Into the Mystic " are just starting. I let the song's slow building crescendo seep into me and feel more and more relaxed with every word. I pull into my driveway as the last few lyrics flow from my speakers and sit there for a few seconds before I turn the car off, letting the song wash over me like an antidote to what ails me. Walking inside the house, I head straight to my bedroom, ignoring Julia completely. Closing the door behind me, I fall face first on my bed and mentally replay the lyrics I just heard.
I let the words soothe me until I feel my eyelids grow heavy. I kick off my shoes and wrap the blanket around me, not bothering to even take off my dress. I wish that I can make a decision for once in my life without feeling insecure or even slightly afraid of the consequences. I want more than anything to let go and… just live. Just as I'm about to fall asleep, my cell phone vibrates. I reach over to my night stand to grab it and look at the screen. It's a text message from Alex.
Thank you for giving me a chance...
I stare at it for a moment or two before throwing the phone back on my night stand in defeat. Fuck my life.
The sound of Julia's light tapping on my door wakes me up. I don't want to move, so I just tell her to come in. She walks over to the bed and takes a seat beside me.
"That bad?" She asks.
"You have no idea."
She lifts up my blanket to take a peek and sees that I'm still wearing my dress from the night before. "What the hell happened?"
I give her the recap after she left me high and dry before adding, "Thanks so much for throwing me under the bus." She flips her blonde hair and bats her lashes, giving me her best "who me" look.
"How was I supposed to know you'd end up shoving your tongue down his throat all on your own? Which, by the way, nice job," she says and then lifts her hand to give me a fist bump. When I don't raise mine to meet hers, she looks disappointed. Not one to give up so easily, she reaches over to my arm and forces my hand into a fist to meet hers. "That's better."
"Julia, my head feels like it's going to explode. I'm leaving tomorrow for my ten year reunion which will bring me face to face with Chris and Lisa, and maybe Tyler. If all that stress wasn't enough, now I have Alex to worry about."
I prop up on my elbows when it dawns on me that Julia is still in her pajamas and it's a weekday. She's usually up and about, if not, already out the door by this time.
"Why are you still home anyway?"
"I'm taking the day off, and so are you missy."
Before I can argue my way out of whatever she has planned, she quickly dismisses me and says, "I don't want to hear it. My best friend needs me today. I've already called the gallery for you to let them know you'll be taking an extra day today. As for me, well, what good is being the boss if I can't take a mental day when I need to."
I'm relieved that I don't have to go anywhere today. I drop back down into my bed and curl myself up in a ball under the comforter.
"Um, what are you doing? Just because I said I called the gallery for you doesn't mean I intend to watch you sleep the day away. We have plans today."
"I'm going to sulk."
"No, you're not. Get your ass up and in the shower. We have a spa appointment at The
What is wrong with me? I have the opportunity to pursue something with Alex but what do I do instead? I run like a scaredy-cat in the opposite direction like I do with every other potential relationship in my life before him. I feel a slight panic run through me at the thought of how my past has taken over my entire life, shaping a lot of my decisions. Something's got to give… soon.
I take a few calming breaths before I decide to turn the radio on. The opening bars of Van Morrison's " Into the Mystic " are just starting. I let the song's slow building crescendo seep into me and feel more and more relaxed with every word. I pull into my driveway as the last few lyrics flow from my speakers and sit there for a few seconds before I turn the car off, letting the song wash over me like an antidote to what ails me. Walking inside the house, I head straight to my bedroom, ignoring Julia completely. Closing the door behind me, I fall face first on my bed and mentally replay the lyrics I just heard.
I let the words soothe me until I feel my eyelids grow heavy. I kick off my shoes and wrap the blanket around me, not bothering to even take off my dress. I wish that I can make a decision for once in my life without feeling insecure or even slightly afraid of the consequences. I want more than anything to let go and… just live. Just as I'm about to fall asleep, my cell phone vibrates. I reach over to my night stand to grab it and look at the screen. It's a text message from Alex.
Thank you for giving me a chance...
I stare at it for a moment or two before throwing the phone back on my night stand in defeat. Fuck my life.
The sound of Julia's light tapping on my door wakes me up. I don't want to move, so I just tell her to come in. She walks over to the bed and takes a seat beside me.
"That bad?" She asks.
"You have no idea."
She lifts up my blanket to take a peek and sees that I'm still wearing my dress from the night before. "What the hell happened?"
I give her the recap after she left me high and dry before adding, "Thanks so much for throwing me under the bus." She flips her blonde hair and bats her lashes, giving me her best "who me" look.
"How was I supposed to know you'd end up shoving your tongue down his throat all on your own? Which, by the way, nice job," she says and then lifts her hand to give me a fist bump. When I don't raise mine to meet hers, she looks disappointed. Not one to give up so easily, she reaches over to my arm and forces my hand into a fist to meet hers. "That's better."
"Julia, my head feels like it's going to explode. I'm leaving tomorrow for my ten year reunion which will bring me face to face with Chris and Lisa, and maybe Tyler. If all that stress wasn't enough, now I have Alex to worry about."
I prop up on my elbows when it dawns on me that Julia is still in her pajamas and it's a weekday. She's usually up and about, if not, already out the door by this time.
"Why are you still home anyway?"
"I'm taking the day off, and so are you missy."
Before I can argue my way out of whatever she has planned, she quickly dismisses me and says, "I don't want to hear it. My best friend needs me today. I've already called the gallery for you to let them know you'll be taking an extra day today. As for me, well, what good is being the boss if I can't take a mental day when I need to."
I'm relieved that I don't have to go anywhere today. I drop back down into my bed and curl myself up in a ball under the comforter.
"Um, what are you doing? Just because I said I called the gallery for you doesn't mean I intend to watch you sleep the day away. We have plans today."
"I'm going to sulk."
"No, you're not. Get your ass up and in the shower. We have a spa appointment at The
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