it close to a decade. Behind it, a pair of stolid
apartment buildings stood watch, eyeing them as they stumped by.
They stopped in front of a house with broken windows and a
long-abandoned look. Richard peered down the street that led away
towards the actual downtown, rising lowly in the near distance in
front of them. There was no movement, except for a smudge of smoke
in the sky, and although Richard tried to stop breathing for a
moment in order to hear better, there was no sound
either.
“ Are we doing this?” he asked, and the question hung in the air
like the black smoke on the horizon. When it became obvious that
Samantha wasn’t planning on responding, he turned around quickly
and threw his hands to the sky.
“ What do you want?” he shouted, aggravated by her sullen face,
“I didn’t mean to kill the dog, okay? I was just trying to scare it
away, or make it run, or something ! I didn’t mean to kill it,
and I’m sorry it pissed you off”.
Samantha
glared at him for a minute and then rolled her eyes.
“ Oh, whatever,” she sighed. “You killed it, you can’t take it
back. I guess I’ll just have to accept your apology”.
“ You guess”
“ I guess”
“ You’re so generous,” he said, unable to keep the sarcasm out
of his voice. “How lucky am I?”
“ We can always go our separate ways,” she said, her voice
sizzling with anger. “There’s more than enough out there to keep us
both fed and occupied for the rest of our lives”.
For a brief
moment he nearly accepted her offer; he was instantaneously ready
to blow up and scream, to tell her to get gone and good riddance.
The prospect of being completely alone held him back. The thought
of the empty, motionless buildings around them, and about the wind
rustling low through the empty yards and lots like a stalking
snake. He thought of the corpses, mouldering behind walls just
outside of his line of sight; people who had dragged themselves
into a hiding spot before facing their mortality, feeling the
animal instinct to die in peace and dignity. What about being alive
in dignity? Could that still exist? He didn’t think he would be
able to do it if he were alone. The urge to revert to animalism
would be too great. He would strip himself raw, sleep in the rough,
eat whatever he could catch. Would he use his voice, if he were
alone? For a time, he thought that he might. After the novelty of
talking to himself wore off, he would likely fall as silent as the
world around him, and the language center of his brain would
eventually rust away into a sodden pile of meaningless symbols and
tortured almost-understandings. He had a sudden image of himself,
naked as the day he was born, coursing on all fours through the
rock-strewn, weed-choked wasteland of a factory parking lot,
streaking after some nameless small animal bounding away on four
legs. He shuddered, and in that instant made his decision.
“ No,” he pleaded, “please don’t leave. I’m sorry,” he stopped
there, unable to prod his overly tired and stimulated brain into
finishing the sentence. He felt himself on the verge of sobbing,
and was astounded. Samantha saw this and her expression melted from
anger into a more vaguely disappointed resentment.
“ Oh, stop,” she said, and you big
baby was the implied finish that she never
spoke. She walked forward and put her arms around him. Leaning her
head against his chest, she murmured something that Richard
couldn’t quite make out. Stiffly, he put his arms around her in
turn, and some of the tension ended up leaving his
muscles.
“ So, are you ready?” he asked again. She stepped away and
looked down the street behind him.
“ I guess,” she replied, nodding. “I’m not sure what else we
would do”. Richard shrugged.
“ We could run off into the country, find a farm, and grow old”.
Samantha pursed her lips.
“ Just the two of us?” she asked sardonically. Richard clenched
his jaw but let it pass without incident. It
apartment buildings stood watch, eyeing them as they stumped by.
They stopped in front of a house with broken windows and a
long-abandoned look. Richard peered down the street that led away
towards the actual downtown, rising lowly in the near distance in
front of them. There was no movement, except for a smudge of smoke
in the sky, and although Richard tried to stop breathing for a
moment in order to hear better, there was no sound
either.
“ Are we doing this?” he asked, and the question hung in the air
like the black smoke on the horizon. When it became obvious that
Samantha wasn’t planning on responding, he turned around quickly
and threw his hands to the sky.
“ What do you want?” he shouted, aggravated by her sullen face,
“I didn’t mean to kill the dog, okay? I was just trying to scare it
away, or make it run, or something ! I didn’t mean to kill it,
and I’m sorry it pissed you off”.
Samantha
glared at him for a minute and then rolled her eyes.
“ Oh, whatever,” she sighed. “You killed it, you can’t take it
back. I guess I’ll just have to accept your apology”.
“ You guess”
“ I guess”
“ You’re so generous,” he said, unable to keep the sarcasm out
of his voice. “How lucky am I?”
“ We can always go our separate ways,” she said, her voice
sizzling with anger. “There’s more than enough out there to keep us
both fed and occupied for the rest of our lives”.
For a brief
moment he nearly accepted her offer; he was instantaneously ready
to blow up and scream, to tell her to get gone and good riddance.
The prospect of being completely alone held him back. The thought
of the empty, motionless buildings around them, and about the wind
rustling low through the empty yards and lots like a stalking
snake. He thought of the corpses, mouldering behind walls just
outside of his line of sight; people who had dragged themselves
into a hiding spot before facing their mortality, feeling the
animal instinct to die in peace and dignity. What about being alive
in dignity? Could that still exist? He didn’t think he would be
able to do it if he were alone. The urge to revert to animalism
would be too great. He would strip himself raw, sleep in the rough,
eat whatever he could catch. Would he use his voice, if he were
alone? For a time, he thought that he might. After the novelty of
talking to himself wore off, he would likely fall as silent as the
world around him, and the language center of his brain would
eventually rust away into a sodden pile of meaningless symbols and
tortured almost-understandings. He had a sudden image of himself,
naked as the day he was born, coursing on all fours through the
rock-strewn, weed-choked wasteland of a factory parking lot,
streaking after some nameless small animal bounding away on four
legs. He shuddered, and in that instant made his decision.
“ No,” he pleaded, “please don’t leave. I’m sorry,” he stopped
there, unable to prod his overly tired and stimulated brain into
finishing the sentence. He felt himself on the verge of sobbing,
and was astounded. Samantha saw this and her expression melted from
anger into a more vaguely disappointed resentment.
“ Oh, stop,” she said, and you big
baby was the implied finish that she never
spoke. She walked forward and put her arms around him. Leaning her
head against his chest, she murmured something that Richard
couldn’t quite make out. Stiffly, he put his arms around her in
turn, and some of the tension ended up leaving his
muscles.
“ So, are you ready?” he asked again. She stepped away and
looked down the street behind him.
“ I guess,” she replied, nodding. “I’m not sure what else we
would do”. Richard shrugged.
“ We could run off into the country, find a farm, and grow old”.
Samantha pursed her lips.
“ Just the two of us?” she asked sardonically. Richard clenched
his jaw but let it pass without incident. It
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