Protect and Serve by Gwyneth Bolton Page B

shaky legs, Penny began to back away. She couldn’t look him in the eye and say those things. She just couldn’t. She couldn’t do it then, and she couldn’t do it now.
    “Please leave, Jason. Now.”
    “No. Not until you say it!” He stood up, too, walking toward her even as she backed way.
    She blinked several times, and the tears really started to fall.
    Oh, God, why won’t he just leave me alone!
    Her eyes went wide, and her mouth opened and closed several times before she covered it with her hands, afraid of what she might say if she risked uttering a word.
    She glanced around the room for an escape. Her eyes caught an old picture of herself and Big Mama, taken when she was ten. She was sitting on Big Mama’s lap, with two long pigtails and a big space where her two front teeth should have been. The grin on her face and the gleam in her eyes reminded her of the safety she’d always felt in Big Mama’s lap.
    Her knees gave out from under her, and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. Her shoulders shook and her body rocked back and forth as she held herself in a tight embrace, all the while keeping her gaze on the huge framed picture on the wall.
    Big Mama was really gone.
    Gone.
    Closing her eyes, Penny let deep, painful moans leave her in quick succession. One after the other, each utterance seemed to carry its own special brand of pain.
    Somebody was screaming, “No!” The loud, piercing screams seemed to shatter all the facades around her. For the first time in a long time, all of her shields were down and she felt vulnerable, bare.
    The voice wouldn’t relent. It kept screaming, “No!”
    She felt arms wrap around her, and she realized she was the one screaming. But she couldn’t stop.

     
    He had pushed her too hard, and he could feel his heart breaking with each of her soul-piercing cries. He wouldn’t have known he still had a heart left to break, if he hadn’t felt the sharp shooting pain in his chest when she fell to her knees. He got up from the sofa, got down on the floor with her and wrapped his arms around her. As he held her crying, shaking body, he mentally chided himself for not picking a better time to confront her.
    “I’m sorry, Pen. It’ll be okay. Just let it out, baby. God, I’m so sorry…”
    Even though he figured he was probably the last person she wanted to comfort her, he knew he had to try. To his surprise, she actually leaned into his arms and buried her head in his chest. She was still sobbing, but at least she’d stopped screaming.
    Carla came running down the stairs, so fast she almost slid into them. “What are you doing? What did you do to her?”
    “I didn’t do anything…” Not exactly the truth . “I think Big Mama’s death finally hit her and she cracked.”
    The incredulous look on Carla’s face spoke volumes. She walked over to them and pushed him away. For a small woman, she packed a lot of punch. Not enough to really move him, but enough to make him get the picture—she wanted him gone.
    “Get out of here. Leave her alone.” Carla dropped to her knees and reached for Penny. She pulled her until Penny fell into her arms. “I’ve got her. You can leave now. Get out!”
    Penny wrapped herself into Carla’s arms. The older woman folded herself around her child and shot daggers at Jason as she did.
    Soft, shuddering sobs still heaved from Penny’s chest, but it appeared as if she might be all right.
    No thanks to me .
    He turned slowly and let himself out. As he walked away, he heard Carla cooing and comforting Penny, and he wished it could have been him doing it.

     
    “It’s okay, baby. I miss Mama, too. But it will be okay. We’ll be okay. We have each other. See, you need me, too.” Carla’s caressing hand patted Penny’s hair, and for several minutes she actually felt as if Big Mama was still there.
    Penny’s tears had run dry, and she realized that she must have sat there on the floor sobbing for quite some time.