‘I can’t go through with it. We’ll have to pull out. I can’t live anywhere else. I’m staying here.’
Anna and Martin spent Sunday morning, as usual, at their health club: Pilates and a swim for Anna, weights and the sauna for Martin. Over a snack lunch in the bar, they considered seeing a film later. Anna was looking up times in the listings magazine when a man in his fifties, a gym acquaintance of Martin’s, came over to their table.
‘Hi, Jeff. How’s it going?’ Martin greeted him.
‘Good, thanks. Thought we might meet up next week, if you’re free one evening?’
He was about to engage Martin as his financial adviser. They arranged a time; then Jeff turned to Anna. ‘He’s in great demand, your husband. I’m lucky to get a look in. Are you in the same game?’
‘Partner. Martin’s my partner,’ said Anna. ‘No, I’m not. I work at an estate agent’s.’
Jeff raised his eyebrows. ‘So the two of you should have your fingers on the pulse, between you. Which one?’
‘Burton Brown, in Holborn, at the moment.’
Jeff nodded, and Martin said, ‘But it’s not just at the moment , is it? Anna’s doing a maternity cover, but we hope they’ll make it permanent.’
‘We? I haven’t decided yet. I might turn it down,’ Anna said.
‘Really? Nice to have the choice.’ Jeff settled as if for a long chat, stretching his legs. ‘You’ve got something better in view?’
‘Not really.’ Anna gave a tight smile, not meeting Martin’s eye; they were prickly with each other today, and she knew the reason. Martin had turned huffy on their way here, when she told him of her arrangement to help Ruth next Saturday.
‘Again? I don’t see why you want to get involved,’ he said, and she had retorted, ‘I know.’ Privately, she hadn’t forgiven him for his casual misinformation about Rose, for telling Ruth that Rose had died. He couldn’t begin to understand the gap in her life, a dark place of incomprehension and reproach, a sore ready to weep again whenever she picked at it. Knowing how unreasonable it was to blame him, since she never spoke of it, only made her harden towards him.
At last Jeff said he ought to be going. ‘Till Thursday, then, eight o’clock. Nice to see you, Anna.’
As soon as he’d gone, Martin turned back to the film listings. ‘What was that about,’ he said, not looking at Anna, ‘saying no to Burton Brown?’
‘Well, I might. I’m not sure.’
He put the magazine down; his face registered puzzlement, then exasperation. ‘You can’t be serious!’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s a good position, you know it is. You like the work, and they’ll give you the training you need to make a career of it. You’re lucky to have a chance like that drop into your lap. What more do you want?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Oh, come on, Anna. You’d wait a long time for a better offer – I thought you’d bite their hand off. It’s a good salary, convenient for home, it could lead to other things. Are you saying you’d rather drift from job to job, carry on as you were? You’re not being rational.’
‘Not agreeing with you, you mean.’
‘You haven’t given one good reason for not accepting.’
Anna tried to find one. ‘I don’t want to tie myself down, that’s all.’
‘For God’s sake! You’re thirty-three, not a student on a gap year. Tie yourself down? Why look at it like that? Aren’t we all tied down in one way or another? How d’you think we pay for the flat, our membership here, our holidays, weekends away, the car? You’d miss all those things soon enough if you didn’t have them.’
‘It’s just – things happen without me choosing them. I didn’t choose Burton Brown. It happened that way, that’s all. If I say yes, it turns into something I can’t get out of.’
‘All I know is that you’re throwing away a chance most people would jump at. I don’t understand you, Anna.’
The words hung in the air for a moment. She looked at
Anna and Martin spent Sunday morning, as usual, at their health club: Pilates and a swim for Anna, weights and the sauna for Martin. Over a snack lunch in the bar, they considered seeing a film later. Anna was looking up times in the listings magazine when a man in his fifties, a gym acquaintance of Martin’s, came over to their table.
‘Hi, Jeff. How’s it going?’ Martin greeted him.
‘Good, thanks. Thought we might meet up next week, if you’re free one evening?’
He was about to engage Martin as his financial adviser. They arranged a time; then Jeff turned to Anna. ‘He’s in great demand, your husband. I’m lucky to get a look in. Are you in the same game?’
‘Partner. Martin’s my partner,’ said Anna. ‘No, I’m not. I work at an estate agent’s.’
Jeff raised his eyebrows. ‘So the two of you should have your fingers on the pulse, between you. Which one?’
‘Burton Brown, in Holborn, at the moment.’
Jeff nodded, and Martin said, ‘But it’s not just at the moment , is it? Anna’s doing a maternity cover, but we hope they’ll make it permanent.’
‘We? I haven’t decided yet. I might turn it down,’ Anna said.
‘Really? Nice to have the choice.’ Jeff settled as if for a long chat, stretching his legs. ‘You’ve got something better in view?’
‘Not really.’ Anna gave a tight smile, not meeting Martin’s eye; they were prickly with each other today, and she knew the reason. Martin had turned huffy on their way here, when she told him of her arrangement to help Ruth next Saturday.
‘Again? I don’t see why you want to get involved,’ he said, and she had retorted, ‘I know.’ Privately, she hadn’t forgiven him for his casual misinformation about Rose, for telling Ruth that Rose had died. He couldn’t begin to understand the gap in her life, a dark place of incomprehension and reproach, a sore ready to weep again whenever she picked at it. Knowing how unreasonable it was to blame him, since she never spoke of it, only made her harden towards him.
At last Jeff said he ought to be going. ‘Till Thursday, then, eight o’clock. Nice to see you, Anna.’
As soon as he’d gone, Martin turned back to the film listings. ‘What was that about,’ he said, not looking at Anna, ‘saying no to Burton Brown?’
‘Well, I might. I’m not sure.’
He put the magazine down; his face registered puzzlement, then exasperation. ‘You can’t be serious!’
‘Why not?’
‘It’s a good position, you know it is. You like the work, and they’ll give you the training you need to make a career of it. You’re lucky to have a chance like that drop into your lap. What more do you want?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Oh, come on, Anna. You’d wait a long time for a better offer – I thought you’d bite their hand off. It’s a good salary, convenient for home, it could lead to other things. Are you saying you’d rather drift from job to job, carry on as you were? You’re not being rational.’
‘Not agreeing with you, you mean.’
‘You haven’t given one good reason for not accepting.’
Anna tried to find one. ‘I don’t want to tie myself down, that’s all.’
‘For God’s sake! You’re thirty-three, not a student on a gap year. Tie yourself down? Why look at it like that? Aren’t we all tied down in one way or another? How d’you think we pay for the flat, our membership here, our holidays, weekends away, the car? You’d miss all those things soon enough if you didn’t have them.’
‘It’s just – things happen without me choosing them. I didn’t choose Burton Brown. It happened that way, that’s all. If I say yes, it turns into something I can’t get out of.’
‘All I know is that you’re throwing away a chance most people would jump at. I don’t understand you, Anna.’
The words hung in the air for a moment. She looked at
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