study. Can you believe it?â She shook her head sadly. âAs if it matters what I got on my SATs when I want to be a fashion designer. You donât need good test scores to do that . Just a decent internship with Marc Jacobs. Anyway, I have to go call everyone I know now and tell them what total ruiners Mom and Dad are. See you.â
Then she drifted off to her own room before I could say another word.
And just when Iâd finally thought of some words to say, too. Because suddenly, I had some questions for her. Like, just how big is the average you-know-what, when itâs, you know, in its inflated state?
And how long does the foam stay in after you, you know, Do It?
But then I thought maybe a blow-by-blow about Lucyâs first time with Jack might be more than I could take, especially considering the fact that I, like just about everyone else in my family, wasnât so wild about Jack. Heâs a little more tolerable now that heâs away at college and isnât always hanging around, expounding on his theories about how artists are so put upon and misunderstood by the rest of the world.
Which I will admit that at one time in my life I actually found quite intriguing.
But that was a dark period in my existence upon which I do not like to dwell. Not now that Iâm in love with David, who never says things like, âThe man is keeping me downâ and âSociety owes artists a living wage.â
Which is one of the many reasons I love himâ¦though it also helps that heâs so enthusiastic about how I look in my Nike shirt.
I just wonder if I love him enough to let him see how I look with it off.
Â
Top ten reasons why my sister Lucy has it way better than I do:
  10.   Because of saving the president, and all, Iâm a celebrity, so whenever I do something really stupidâsuch as wear my shirt to school inside out, as I occasionally do before Iâve had enough caffeine to fully wake myself upâI can always count on a picture of it showing up in People or Us Weekly (CelebritiesâTheyâre just like us!).
    9.   While Lucy may have bombed the SATs, she never actually does anything as stupid as wearing a shirt inside out, so even if she had saved the president and was a national celebrity, they would never print pictures of her looking this dumb anywhere. Because this would never happen to her. She always looks perfect everywhere she goes, no matter how early in the morning.
    8.   She is dating a teen rebel who owns a motorcycle, even if she is not allowed to ride on it with him, and gets to do cool stuff like go to the opening night of a performance art piece featuring a punk rock band throwing pieces of raw meat at a screen on which are projected various photos of world leaders. Whereas I am dating the presidentâs son, so I get to do fun things like go to the opening night of Tosca at the Kennedy Center with the various world leaders themselves, which isnât anywhere near as fun.
    7.   When I get my photo in Us Weekly almost every single week, wearing an inside-out shirt or whatever, itâs usually right next to Mary-Kate and Ashley. If Lucy were the celebrity, and not me, you can bet her picture would be next to someone way cooler, like Gwen Stefani.
    6.   Tons of designers send me free clothes, begging me to wear them instead of my inside-out shirts, so that their clothes will be in Us Weekly . Except of course I have to send most of them back, because my parents wonât let me wear leather bustiers and, also, unlike Lucy, I do not have the chest to hold up a bustier. Lucy would totally get to keep them.
    5.   My boyfriend apparently calls sex Parcheesi. I donât know what Lucyâs boyfriend calls it. But Iâm guessing probably not that.
    4.   Lucy can figure out sales
Then she drifted off to her own room before I could say another word.
And just when Iâd finally thought of some words to say, too. Because suddenly, I had some questions for her. Like, just how big is the average you-know-what, when itâs, you know, in its inflated state?
And how long does the foam stay in after you, you know, Do It?
But then I thought maybe a blow-by-blow about Lucyâs first time with Jack might be more than I could take, especially considering the fact that I, like just about everyone else in my family, wasnât so wild about Jack. Heâs a little more tolerable now that heâs away at college and isnât always hanging around, expounding on his theories about how artists are so put upon and misunderstood by the rest of the world.
Which I will admit that at one time in my life I actually found quite intriguing.
But that was a dark period in my existence upon which I do not like to dwell. Not now that Iâm in love with David, who never says things like, âThe man is keeping me downâ and âSociety owes artists a living wage.â
Which is one of the many reasons I love himâ¦though it also helps that heâs so enthusiastic about how I look in my Nike shirt.
I just wonder if I love him enough to let him see how I look with it off.
Â
Top ten reasons why my sister Lucy has it way better than I do:
  10.   Because of saving the president, and all, Iâm a celebrity, so whenever I do something really stupidâsuch as wear my shirt to school inside out, as I occasionally do before Iâve had enough caffeine to fully wake myself upâI can always count on a picture of it showing up in People or Us Weekly (CelebritiesâTheyâre just like us!).
    9.   While Lucy may have bombed the SATs, she never actually does anything as stupid as wearing a shirt inside out, so even if she had saved the president and was a national celebrity, they would never print pictures of her looking this dumb anywhere. Because this would never happen to her. She always looks perfect everywhere she goes, no matter how early in the morning.
    8.   She is dating a teen rebel who owns a motorcycle, even if she is not allowed to ride on it with him, and gets to do cool stuff like go to the opening night of a performance art piece featuring a punk rock band throwing pieces of raw meat at a screen on which are projected various photos of world leaders. Whereas I am dating the presidentâs son, so I get to do fun things like go to the opening night of Tosca at the Kennedy Center with the various world leaders themselves, which isnât anywhere near as fun.
    7.   When I get my photo in Us Weekly almost every single week, wearing an inside-out shirt or whatever, itâs usually right next to Mary-Kate and Ashley. If Lucy were the celebrity, and not me, you can bet her picture would be next to someone way cooler, like Gwen Stefani.
    6.   Tons of designers send me free clothes, begging me to wear them instead of my inside-out shirts, so that their clothes will be in Us Weekly . Except of course I have to send most of them back, because my parents wonât let me wear leather bustiers and, also, unlike Lucy, I do not have the chest to hold up a bustier. Lucy would totally get to keep them.
    5.   My boyfriend apparently calls sex Parcheesi. I donât know what Lucyâs boyfriend calls it. But Iâm guessing probably not that.
    4.   Lucy can figure out sales
Similar Books
